Well, yeah. A little. Sometimes. OK, maybe a little more than a little.
Recently on FetLife, someone started a thread in which they asked whom we preferred to see OTK — a female, a male, or was it about equal? My reply was:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhm… just speaking for myself, when I see a man OTK, I want to gouge out my eyes. So it would have to be female.
All right, I’ll admit that was a wee bit emphatic. However, I’m not saying I’m switch averse. I’m not saying men who bottom are wrong to do so. I’m not saying they shouldn’t. I am saying that I, Erica, can’t watch it.
There are many bottom females out there who won’t play with a man if she even knows he’s a switch. It doesn’t matter if she hasn’t seen him bottom; just knowing that he does screws with her head and her image of him. Thank goodness I don’t feel this way, since my sweetheart is a switch. Actually, truth be told, he’s mostly a bottom, even though he’s a great spanker. He doesn’t get spanked, though. He likes other things, which I’d rather not think about. But my knowing about these things doesn’t bother me… as long as I don’t have to see them. Or hear a lot of details.
Is this wrong of me? Aren’t we supposed to accept all kinks and orientations? Accept, maybe. Embrace? No. Wanna watch? No. I think you can accept what another person likes in principle and say more power to them, have fun — but that doesn’t mean you care to witness it. My dear friend and top Craig likes fire play. I’m freaking terrified of fire. Doesn’t mean I don’t want him to do it — I just don’t want to watch it.
How the hell did a diehard bottom like me end up with a man who isn’t a pure top? We love who we love. And J gives me the freedom to play with other men, as I give him the freedom to seek out femdoms. It isn’t always perfect, not by a long shot. But we work on it. We used to go to BDSM parties where we’d both bottom, and we made sure we were never in the same room. I wish I could watch him enjoying himself, but I can’t. It may seem unfair, since he watches me bottoming all the time, but he’s not me. I can’t help how I feel, so I work around it.
Some of the best spankers I’ve ever known are switches, but they all have one thing in common — I don’t watch them bottom. If I did, I couldn’t bottom to them. All I’d see in my head is that image, and I couldn’t take them seriously as a top. It is what it is, fair or not.
I’ve known some switch couples who alternate and top each other. I guess it takes a special kind of mind-flip that they’ve perfected, but I know I couldn’t do it. I think even if I were a switch, I couldn’t play with a man who was topping me one day and bottoming to me the next. I mean, how do you switch gears like that? This is where (for me) poly play would come in.
Anyway… yeah, I know I have strong opinions and perhaps I voice them when I should just think them. But some people have told me privately that I speak what they’re thinking. Guess someone’s gotta do it, huh? 😀
To the switch males with whom I’ve played — I love you guys. You’re great spankers. What other activities you enjoy are none of my business. But if I walk into a room and see you front-and-center OTK with your pants down around your ankles, it’s going to mess with my head. Not saying that’s right or wrong, it just is.
A side note: Just a friendly reminder to everyone. I don’t moderate comments and I like to keep things open. But I have seen some blogs where the comments devolve into endless bratting, angry debates between commenters or crosstalk in general that goes completely off-topic. Please avoid that here. If y’all want to debate something with each other, that’s what email and forums like FetLife are for, but not a person’s blog. Thanks! 🙂