Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Do I look like a @#$%ing chef to you??

New Guy came over tonight with a three-pack of brand-new wooden spoons. WTF?? The first time he came here, he brought me a birthday balloon and a flower. Now I get freaking spoons?? Is the honeymoon over?

Since they were kitchen implements, he got this crazy idea that I should spend more time in the kitchen. Needless to say, I didn’t share that sentiment. OK, he said, if I wasn’t going to use the kitchen for cooking, then he’d use it to toast my buns.

Yeah, well… I showed him. And his damn spoons.

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We moved into the living room, where I was OTK for a long hand spanking and then put over my ottoman for strapping and paddling. I wasn’t as giggly tonight; I was feeling a bit high-strung and knew I wanted to play hard. So I pushed. What a shock, huh?

However, there are times when I really am foolish. I mean, I forget where I am and how many evil implements are at the ready. At one point, he kept whacking me with the paddle I hate most, and I complained loudly about it.

“I can’t help it,” he said, “it just looks so good on your bottom.”

“It would look a lot better shoved up yours,” I snapped.

News flash: That was the wrong thing to say. I don’t know what gets into me sometimes. But he made sure it got whaled out of me. For a while, anyway. I’m sure whatever it is will return. It never stays away for very long.

For tonight, though, I was tearful and contrite, and he held me for a long time afterward. Once I’d returned to Earth, we realized that once again, we didn’t have enough pictures. Naturally, we had to address that situation.

If you look close, you can see that my mascara is smeared. Feel sorry for me?

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(sigh) I didn’t think so. I don’t care. I still think he’s a big meanie.

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And yet, and yet… I kinda like him anyway. πŸ™‚

Oh, and get this… I posted the broken spoons picture on FetLife, and got this gem of a comment:

Are newer utensils getting weaker or are older butts getting stronger?

OLDER BUTTS????????????

I haven’t thought of a proper comeback yet. I simply must say something; I can’t let that one go.

Later. Right now, I feel too good to be bitchy.

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21 thoughts on “Do I look like a @#$%ing chef to you??

  1. It is not the age of the bottom, but the resiliance. You are the bionic bottom.Bionic Bottom, now that would be a great comic book character for the posters in those forums….

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  2. Are fetlife users getting dumber, or are the ignorant ones just getting more vocal?I can't tell you how many hairbrushes have been broken across my behind. Weak brushes? Probably, and that's a shame. Strong butt? Most definitely, and that's a good thing!Looks like you have definitely found a cure for the "Mondays", Erica!

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  3. You are so funny! I love the humor in your posts!

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  4. Hello my Erica you are awesome and your the BIONIC BUTT, the stupid bloody idiot that said about you having an older butt is a dumbass i would love to slap this person that is an iggnorant thing to say, your beautiful this person is just jealous because he is ugly hehehe,those spoons must of been cheap to break so fast hehehe.you must be very sore today,NG is a big fat meanie he made you cry and made your mascara smeared, next time i dare you to throw a spoon at him hehehe, your funny when you said about the spoon should be shoved up his butt hehehe πŸ™‚ i love you big hugs from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

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  5. Awwww. Poor spoons.I think NG was cutting corners by buying cheap wooden spoons from the dollar store. Tell him to go to Williams Sonoma next time and get some durable, bamboo or monkey pod spoons. Or look for the ones made from Canadian Maple. I can vouch for those.You get what you pay for.

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  6. Paul — yes, I'm a kinky SuperHero. :-Dpink — LOL! That was perfect! Oh… he retracted "older" and changed it to "vintage." Yeah, that's much better.FT — I love to make people laugh, so thank you.Jade — it's OK, honey. I'm really not that upset, more amused. I mean, it amazes me how someone could be so clueless.Hermione — ummmmmm… remind me here… whose side are you on?? πŸ˜‰ Yeah, they were cheap spoons, for sure. Although that third one held up well. He did his best to try to break it, too.

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  7. SEEEEEEEEEE wasnt even me this time lol Love the pics btw . You do have a very nice bottom and it looks good pink and red .As far as the spoons , its the low quality of workmanship . NOW , since I am a wood worker , i bet I could make one that will handle you lovely bottom without breaking !

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  8. Alan — now why do people keep trying to offer up stronger spoons? Don't I suffer enough? (wringing hands)

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  9. ummmmmmm…. well as long as you keep discussing the ability of your lovely bottom to take it , guys like me are always ready to take up the challange . GRINS email me the shipping address and I will gladly send you a impliment . Might not be a spoon . but what the heck .

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  10. Life pretty sucks right now and once again Ms. Erica you got me out of my funk and LOL!Thanks!

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  11. Yes, you look like a chef to me. Now go make me a sandwich, I'm starved!Glad you had a good time!!

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  12. Yeah Erica! You know you may bankrupt poor New Guy if you insist on breaking his implements. Although it IS his own damn fault for buying Dollar General "cookware." πŸ™‚ He should know by now you deserve nothing but the finest implements spanked upon your bottom. Maybe we should take up a collection to fund his implement replacements.I am still full of sass from today's spanking from Pixie. WOW!

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  13. Poppa — oh, I'm sorry you're experiencing suckage. 😦 Glad I could make you laugh.Iggy — has anyone ever told you that you're a troublemaker? :-)Kelly — ah, so today was the day, huh? Well, if you're still full of sass, apparently Ms. Pixie went easy on you!

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  14. "News flash: That was the wrong thing to say. I don't know what gets into me sometimes. But he made sure it got whaled out of me. For a while, anyway. I'm sure whatever it is will return. It never stays away for very long."—I stinkin' love this!!! I'm glad you were made to feel sorry, at least for a time. It feels so good…but it never lasts!! πŸ˜‰

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  15. Bonnie-jo — That's why I tell people I'm not A submissive, but I can BE submissive. It just takes a bit of work. πŸ˜‰

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  16. Well, just add 'em to the Museum of Bottom Intolerance and stop whining, will ya???

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  17. Craig — Haha… yes, the collection is growing. I've wrecked a few of your things, haven't I?

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  18. We cracked a bamboo hairbrush like that… We're pretty sure bamboo is meant for spankings. That was a really pretty hairbrush too…. but boy I wasn't sad when it broke.

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  19. missleya — yeah, I'm never sad to see implements break. In fact, I'm quite elated.

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  20. Hello Erica:You look great and very sweet. I love your pictures, especially the one with all the implements displayed over your very red bottom. Are those sessions some how for discipline purposes or only playful?

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  21. Camila — Hi and welcome. My spankings are for what I like to call "pseudo-discipline." I like the roleplay that they're for real and I don't want them, but of course, we all know otherwise. πŸ™‚

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