Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Brief followup and a thank you

To everyone who commented on Friday’s post or wrote to me privately, thank you. I was quite touched by all the support, and I’m sorry that so many of you are dealing (or have dealt) with similar situations.

For the record: it’s a complicated situation. My mother and I have always had many ups and downs with our relationship. She was not a bad person and I do believe she meant well. But her wanting for me often took the form of criticizing, comparing and belittling. She did this with others as well, and I know why — she was always insecure herself, and she projected her own perceived failings onto others. She wanted me to have a better life than she did, and tried to influence the outcome of my personal paths with controlling behavior and nagging. My mother was always very much about appearances (physical and otherwise), and she wanted to be able to brag about me to her friends, show me off. Sadly, I never seemed to come up to the standards she set for how one should live, should look, what one should accomplish.

Perhaps for these reasons, I have the attitude I do about the care of aging parents. In many cultures, it is considered the grown child’s obligation to care for the aging parent. Elders do not go into homes; they live with and are cared for by their adult children until they die. “They took care of us; therefore, we owe it to them to do the same.”

I think that’s a load of BS.

Sure, if you were lucky enough to have good parents who nurtured you and helped you grow to be your best self, then yes, you may very well feel the need to do everything humanly possible to keep them comfortable and happy in their later years. Why wouldn’t you? But to be obligated to do so, simply because they’re your parents? Baloney. I didn’t ask to be born. They chose to have me, and with that choice comes a degree of responsibility. I see no reason to have that same responsibility imposed upon me or any other adult child, especially when said parent did a mediocre (or worse) job to begin with.

Selfish? Yup. Against societal dictates? Of course. Would you expect any different from me?

So anyway… I’d love to say that after writing my blog on Friday, I had a burst of willingness and charity and called my mother. But I didn’t. I did, however, write a letter to my stepdad. It’s something. Then I went to John’s. I did not share what was going on with me at first. But Friday night I had a nightmare, in which my mother called me a failure. Saturday, I broke down and wept to John, and he comforted me. He did not tell me I was a bad person. He didn’t suggest “call your mother.” I love him for that. I cried myself out, napped in his arms and felt very clean and clear when I awoke.

And tomorrow, I get to see New Guy. No, this is not a topic for him and me. I wouldn’t burden him with that. It is not his responsibility to alleviate my guilt; it is my own. I will work on it as best I can, and in the meantime, enjoy the good in my life, of which there is a great deal.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. We will now return to our usual spanking frivolity.

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13 thoughts on “Brief followup and a thank you

  1. I love a good old cleansing cry.. it's like the weight of the world gets lifted off your shoulders.(hugs sent to John for being such a good listener)

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  2. Hello my Erica i am so glad that you have John he is AWESOME πŸ™‚ and i agree with Zelle he is a good listener. I send you and John BIG HUGS ALWAYS. your VERY welcome i am ALWAYS here for you no matter what πŸ™‚ i can't wait to read about tonight's spanking adventure's you had with NG, Your both so funny i always get a laugh and a smile after reading it. WE BOTH MATTER AND ARE THE GREATEST. screw everyone else they can go suck an egg hehehe. LOL and HUGS from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

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  3. Zelle — John will often do the "guy thing" of trying to suggest solutions and fixes… but this time, he didn't. :-)Jade — he is awesome indeed. πŸ™‚ And you know I always enjoy making you laugh.

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  4. I am sending a quiet and not at all conversational hug. Sometimes these painful things are realisations and not revelations and we just need to say it. I hear you. I hope that tonight is wonderful.

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  5. Poppy — thank you, dear. I do appreciate it, lots.

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  6. I admire someone MUCH more for their honesty than any sort of fulfillment of obligation or "protocol". You did the very best with what was handed to you in the nurture/rearing part of life. Knowing your own self is awesome and YOU know what's best for you regardless of what other influences are there. It's great for you to have John and New Guy in your life. Because when you do need to lean on somebody, you have 2 great men…and 2 great laps! πŸ™‚

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  7. Kelly — the word "protocol" is used a lot in the BDSM realm. To which I like to say, "Protocol, shmotocol." πŸ˜€

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  8. Hi Erica,I enjoyed reading your post. It feels to me as if you have more clarity regarding your mother's current condition. You also seem more resolved and perhaps at peace with your decision not to involve yourself more in your mother's life at this time. I fully appreciate why you don’t feel especially motivated to go out of your way to care for your mother. I also think your mother is receiving good care already so there's not much more you can do for her.

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  9. AP — I go back and forth. Ideally, I'd like to reach a place where I felt comfortable calling her. But you're right, she is in very good care.

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  10. You will do what is right for you, no matter what the decision will be, and that is all what matters.No-one can truly walk in another's shoes, or experience their pain and anguish, but compassion and understanding are born out of the knowledge that all of us are very different, with different stories to tell, and that all of us experience life differently.Huge HUGS…Raven

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  11. Raven — wise words. Thank you, and hugs back.

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  12. Bravo, Erica. You said it all, and said it very well. Welcome to the Selfish Club. (Selfish Spanking Club?)Totally off-topic, how does NG feel about the blog, being blogged about, and being commented on?An idea for a post? Hugs,Hermione

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  13. Hermione — I accept that membership happily, and thank you very much.Good question. He likes it! He says it's fun to read it and think "Wow, she's talking about ME!" I check in with him every now and then to make sure he's still good with it, and he always is.

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