Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

OT: Yet another rant about disgusting food

So, what do I like to bitch about, people? (And don’t say everything.) Yes! Gross food! In the past I’ve ranted about the KFC Double Down sandwich (bacon, cheese and sauce between two fried chicken breasts), IHOP’s Pancake Stackers (two pancakes layered with cheesecake filling and topped with fruit and whipped cream), and Friendly’s Grilled Cheese Burgermelt (a grilled cheese sandwich, topped with a burger and all the fixings, and then another grilled cheese sandwich on top of that). I’ve also critiqued marshmallow peeps, and made sure everyone knows that I think cottage cheese is one of the most revolting substances on Earth.

What’s on today’s Barf-O-Rama menu? Denny’s new Maple Bacon Sundae.

Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is. Vanilla ice cream, layered with maple syrup and crumbled, cooked bacon. It’s one of Denny’s limited-time-only (thank God!!) “Baconalia” selections. Other items include Bacon Meatloaf and a BBBLT (a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with triple bacon).

OK, I hear you out there — Oh, come on, Erica. You just don’t like bacon. That’s not it. Granted, it’s one of the things I don’t eat anymore, but I used to. And I can see the appeal of it with eggs at breakfast, or in a sandwich, or crumbled into salads and baked potatoes. But in dessert????? NO!

What the hell is up with this country’s love affair with bacon, anyway? It’s turning up everywhere! I have actually heard of chocolate-covered bacon, the thought of which makes me want to hurl. And my beloved Danny has actually ordered a Bacon Martini at a dive bar near Vegas. Today on FetLife, someone posted a link to a Bacon Chocolate-Chip cookie recipe. Stop the madness!!

OK, I get it, people love bacon. But just because a food is good, does that mean it belongs everywhere and combined with everything? I adore chocolate, as many people do. But come on. There are limits. Would you put hot fudge sauce on your prime rib? Sprinkle your mac-‘n-cheese casserole with chocolate chips instead of bread crumbs? (OK, maybe some people would, but I’d rather not know them. They’re the same people who would hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and say it needs more cowbell.)

Apparently, journalist Robin Wheeler agrees with me; see her amusing commentary on the bacon sundae here.

And while I’m in rant mode, what’s up with this trendy BS of combining sweet with spicy/savory flavors? I do not want freaking seasalt on my caramel, thank you very much. And I sure as @#$% don’t want cayenne pepper in my chocolate bars. Stop with this designer food nonsense. Putting pepper in chocolate is like mating a dog with a cat. Oh, and stop putting flowers in my chocolate too, while you’re at it. I like to smell the roses, not ingest them.

OK, I’m getting off-track here. Just say NO to bacon on ice cream, I beg of you. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have a salad.

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45 thoughts on “OT: Yet another rant about disgusting food

  1. OK, YOU are the only one with a bacon problem!Foodies and gourmets started the New Bacon Craze a few years ago with artisan bacons smoked to perfection.Then, bacon began showing up in confections and desserts: bacon brittle, bacon in chocolate (and chocolate bacon with spicy chiles! yum!). Fantastic!There's Sprinkles and their famous "breakfast" cupcake made with pancake batter cupcake with bacon crumbles inside and maple frosting on top. Heavenly! So it's no surprise that Denny's, purveyors of fatty foods, have finally gotten on the bacon bandwagon. So, officially, it's now jumped the proverbial shark, the whole bacon phenomenon.Nonetheless, to comment on the sundae specifically? I'd eat that. In a heartbeat. Salt on caramel? Yes, please! Bacon in chocolate? Now!

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  2. Craig — darling, with all due respect — Foodie, shmoodie. Artisan smoked bacon? Wonderful! Have it with your eggs. Don't throw it in my cupcakes. These food trendoids don't know what to do next.You and I will have to agree to disagree on this one, 'cause we have NEVER seen eye to eye on anything foodwise! 🙂 Still love ya, though.

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  3. Hi Erica,I actually saw an article on the bacon sundae a few days ago and thought of you and your food rants. I love bacon. This love comes with guilt because I have a problem with eating Babe, but it's sooooo good that I keep relapsing. However, I like it where it's supposed to be — cobb salad, BLT, etc. I can't do bacon in baked goods. It seems unnatural to me. I even get upset when my bacon fraternizes with the maple syrup on my breakfast plate.Maybe since Denny's is doing it now, all the foodies will be appalled and the trend will no longer be cool?-Beth(P.S. – I have to detract on the sweet and spicy thing. I think it's such a good combination for some foods.)

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  4. Hope you are not having a Bacon and Avocado Salad. GRIN and ducking the salad plate coming my way)HugsRaven

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  5. Beth — (laughing) When I was a kid and we had pancakes and bacon for breakfast, I had to have my bacon on a separate plate. If the maple syrup ran into it — BLECCCCHHHHHH!!!Raven — LOL! Romaine blend (romaine lettuce, red cabbage and carrots), grape tomatoes and fat-free balsamic vinaigrette. I don't like avocado either — how'd you know?

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  6. Sea salt on caramels rocks!!! OMG it's so good. I got a box of Pink Himalayan Sea Salt caramels for Christmas and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I'm not a salt person, but yum!! I'm not a bacon person…so yuck to the sundae.

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  7. Iggy — I guess I'm alone in that one! To me, sugar and salt together clash on my tongue and cancel each other out. I don't like Kettle Corn either, for the same reason. Or PayDay bars.

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  8. You hate Peeps??? *shakes head* I had really liked you. Lol. I know many who can't stand them, my husband included. I gave up on trying to convert people to liking them. But I will say that in the candy realm they are sort of a low calorie snack, as long as you don't have a problem with excess sugar. Lol. I am with you on the bacon thing though, it should never be mixed with desserts. Yuck.

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  9. Lea — uh oh, a Peeps lover! LOL What can I say… the pure-sugar candies, like Peeps and gummy anything, make me feel like I might as well bypass them and just eat spoonfuls of sugar right out of the canister. But I know lots of others love 'em.In case my newer readers haven't figured it out yet, I'm a very picky eater. And quite vociferous about it. 😀

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  10. You go, Iggy!!!

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  11. Craig — oh, hush. Did you notice Iggy also said "yuck to the sundae"?

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  12. Dare I say I don't like ice cream? What I hear you say, you don't like ice cream but everyone loves ice cream. Afraid not me and bacon on it Yuck, Yuck and Yuck. I don't eat bacon anymore either:)Love,Ronniexx

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  13. Great post. This is the kind of thing I would actually want to just taste, to see if was as weird as I thought it would be. I would never order it because it's probably 2,000 calories or something. I DO like salty and sweet and I do like cayenne and other things in chocolate (like in the movie "Chocolat"). I'm suspicious of the chocolate-covered bacon, though. I think that's just one of those "let's throw something weird together and see if we can start a trend" things.

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  14. Hi Erica i saw that article about the bacon sundae on AOL, I think it's totally disgusting and gross and most of all YUCKY, UGH what are they going to put together next a peanut butter and fluff ham sandwich? i LOVE chocolate chips in pancakes or waffles and on ice cream YUM 🙂 I like bacon if its with eggs or pancakes but NOT with ice cream, i totally agree with you cause i am a picky eater too 🙂 Love and hugs from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

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  15. Oh Brother! What will they come up with next? GAK! BTW, what about chocolate covered ants? NO WAY JOSE'!!!!!! I love chocolate. Mostly dark chocolate. Especially certain dark chocolate See's. Yum, yum. The idea, though, of putting cayenne in cholcolate is not something new. We can thank the Aztecs for that one. I would be willing to try it if, and only IF there was just enough cayenne to give it a slight tang to it. Otherwise, forget it. I have tried a dark chocolate bar that had lavender and blueberries in it. The lavender was the stronger flavor and it was delicious. But I like lavender in different things, like my tea sometimes.Some things I like with dark chocolate: raspberries, lavender, lemon(just a hint), almost any kind of berries. I have a friend that likes chocolate and orange together. Yuk! I would be willing to try some with rose petals, pansys, and other edible flowers that tend to be on the sweet side. Hmmm. Shooting stars might be a nice touch. Yes, the flowers are edible.The only way I like avocado is in guacamole. That I like and once in a while in a sandwich.Bacon? Love it, don't eat it unless it is beef bacon and I haven't eaten that in years.Here is something that is just heavenly: vanilla ice cream with pure maple syrup on it. I had some in Vermont once and it was soooo good. I love pure maple syrup; the real maple syrup.

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  16. I have to agree with you , this ranks right up there with deep fried twinkies and deep fried candybars . The thought dosent even start to intrest me . Whats next?Meat Cupcakes ?

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  17. Of course. But I felt her support of salted caramels outweighed the discourse on sundaes.

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  18. Alan: Ever hear of mincemeat pies?

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  19. Bacon on icecream….in a heartbeat??…..Most likely your last heart beat!…..possible government shut down and now this???…….That's it!….I'm going back to holland!….where we have the good sense of putting mayonaise on our french fries!….btw….Love your blog!….with or without bacon!

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  20. Craig ! Yes and I hate em ! Im a southern boy and I have heard of them tasted them and Hate them. LOL

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  21. Hilarious post, Erica. And thank goodness that you're not a bacon fan – more for me.I love bacon. Love it. We have bacon, eggs, and toast for breakfast (breakfast being any meal eaten before 2pm) often.But bacon on a sundae? I don't even care whether it tastes good…it looks gross. If I can't get past the look of something then it really doesn't matter how good it purportedly is (insert raw fish dishes here).That being said, I recently tried a dark chocolate with sea salt candy. I didn't WANT to like it, but it was surprisingly yummy…always pisses me off when I'm wrong about something.

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  22. Ronnie — well, if I'm allowed to dislike all the foods I do, you're allowed to dislike ice cream. 🙂 I love the stuff, but I eat frozen yogurt these days.Sandy — exactly. See my earlier comment about hot fudge on prime rib.Jade — Elvis probably would have eaten a peanut butter and ham fluff sandwich. :-)Bobbie Jo — you and John, with the real maple syrup. He won't touch syrup unless it's the pure stuff. And he loves dark chocolate, too. I'm more of a milk chocolate girl.Believe it or not, chocolate-covered insects are considered quite the delicacy in some other countries. (gag)Alan — yes, there are meat cupcakes; as Craig mentioned, one bakery puts bacon in their maple cupcakes. Oh, and I think mincemeat is gross too. :-)leffers — Mayonnaise on french fries?????????? Oh, I may never eat again. :-)Dana — ok, it's a deal. You may have my bacon, and I'll have your share of the sushi, 'cause THAT I like! 🙂

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  23. Ms. Scott,My two cents is that bacon belongs at breakfast, or maybe on a BLT, but never, never, NEVER in a Sundae.Jay

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  24. Jay — your two cents jive with mine. And of course, bacon belongs in a BLT. If it weren't there, then it would just be an LT. 🙂

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  25. So… will you be having bacon bits on your salad?? 😀

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  26. I echo the Gross factor. Years ago when I worked my temp job of the week stints some goofball at one place ordered for lunch mayonnaise on his pizza. I hate mayonnaise, period but mixed with pizza sauce?! EEEWWW. Also mustard mixed with chili is gagnating to me as well.

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  27. Kat — (snort) I was wondering when YOU'D turn up! harrumph.No bacon bits on my salad, thank you! Although I will admit I used to use them. But they had to be the real thing, not that fake Baco-Bits crap.

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  28. Kelly — OK, we've got mayonnaise on french fries, and now mayonnaise on pizza?? Good lord.I suppose this won't come as a surprise to anyone, but I don't like mayonnaise either. I'm a mustard girl all the way.

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  29. Does it count if I say I like "salt, on my sweet corn"? LOLGood god.. Maple Bacon Sunday??? That's like trying to turn a vanilla person into a Top.. it just never really works out.. cause there's no "foundation". Just like ice cream never came from a love affair of pigs. LOLOn a side note.. I love draggin' my bacon through the pancake syrup on my plate! AND, I love the "Sweet n' Salty" CHEX MIX! (grins)

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  30. Zelle — OK, I'll allow putting salt on sweet corn. 🙂 And I can see how people don't mind the bacon melding with the syrup, because you have maple-cured bacon. But that ice cream business… NO NO NO. And if I have chopped nuts on my sundae, they'd better damn well not be salted nuts. LOL

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  31. ""Does it count if I say I like "salt, on my sweet corn"? LOL""A Girl after my own heart !!!!Are u married cutie !! 😀 ;-P

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  32. Sweet and salty anything is pretty darn good!And bacon and syrup? A match made in breakfast heaven…

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  33. Craig — Good grief, who put a quarter in you? ;-)I remember your sweet-and-salty passion well. I can still recall you in the kitchen at the Lair, alternating handfuls of Reese's Pieces with barbecue potato chips.

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  34. Alternating??? Hell, I'd eat them TOGETHER!And by the way, darling, these days it's at least 50 cents!

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  35. All this talk about sweet and salt reminds me of the time I was at restaurant in Williamsburg VA. Many people mistake the salt cellers for sugar bowls and end up with salt in their coffee. At least I knew what they were! Oh and the sugar is the kind they used to have in those 1700s. Kind of a nice touch of history.The food there was great.

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  36. You are totally right.Bacon- lean, grilled and in bread once a week. Then it should move aside. If I lived in America I would end up being one of those people that can't walk anywhere. You guys make food so easy. It is just there. Or does it all wear thin after a while? All this talk of food makes me want to get outside and walk until my feet hurt and I ache all over. That feels much better than all that food.Perfect rant. You are not angry, you are thoughtful. (I have been thinking about angry people recently- you are not one of them. You are a happy person. You make people feel good.)

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  37. Poppy — apparently, nothing about food wears thin in this country. Two-thirds of us (at least) are overweight. And yet, we still keep piling on the bacon and the mayo and the cheese. Kinda scary, really.I aim for snarky, not angry. 🙂

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  38. So you're saying Beethoven's Ninth DOESN'T need more cowbell? How about maracas? And just FYI, Poppy can't believe what American bacon is like. English bacon is very lean, more like rather salty ham. (Loved the rant. Keep up the good work. 😉 )

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  39. Our (Canadian) bacon is probably like American bacon, but what Americans call Canadian bacon is more like English bacon. We Canadians call it back bacon and it's like ham. I think our regular bacon is what the English call streaky bacon, but I could be wrong.there is a new show on the Food Network, all about outrageous foods. I must watch it.Oh, and when we have pancakes and sausage, I pour on maple syrup and put ketchup on the sausage. Yummy, but it grosses Ron out!Hugs,

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  40. And on the good news front, I was just at Dave Wolfe's blog and I read there that on Friday's girls can do anything they want and there are no consequences at all.NG should be informed.

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  41. Devlin — I guess Brit vs. American food is a whole nuther subject, yes? (spotted dick, anyone?)Hermione — The aforementioned Denny's serves a grilled slice of what they call "honey ham." It's quite sweet and not at all salty. I admit to liking that. 🙂 But that's the only pork product I ever consume.Poppy — ah, but I see NG on Mondays, not on Fridays! (heavy sigh)

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  42. Hermione:Your description of Canadian bacon made me snortle and laugh out loud–at work! That is a classic paragraph and should be kept for future generations. Hilarious!!!Craig

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  43. Erica, you remembered the Bacon Martini!Anyone who wants one can get it at the Double Down Saloon, on Paradise in Las Vegas.Yum! They also have a shot called "Ass Juice." It's sweet and fruity, of course.

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  44. Danny — what took you so @#$%ing long to chime in on this one? :-)As for Ass Juice, I'll pass on that one as well, thank you.

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  45. Pingback: OT Rant: Yet MORE food insanity | Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

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