OT: Yet another rant about disgusting food
So, what do I like to bitch about, people? (And don’t say everything.) Yes! Gross food! In the past I’ve ranted about the KFC Double Down sandwich (bacon, cheese and sauce between two fried chicken breasts), IHOP’s Pancake Stackers (two pancakes layered with cheesecake filling and topped with fruit and whipped cream), and Friendly’s Grilled Cheese Burgermelt (a grilled cheese sandwich, topped with a burger and all the fixings, and then another grilled cheese sandwich on top of that). I’ve also critiqued marshmallow peeps, and made sure everyone knows that I think cottage cheese is one of the most revolting substances on Earth.
What’s on today’s Barf-O-Rama menu? Denny’s new Maple Bacon Sundae.
Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is. Vanilla ice cream, layered with maple syrup and crumbled, cooked bacon. It’s one of Denny’s limited-time-only (thank God!!) “Baconalia” selections. Other items include Bacon Meatloaf and a BBBLT (a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with triple bacon).
OK, I hear you out there — Oh, come on, Erica. You just don’t like bacon. That’s not it. Granted, it’s one of the things I don’t eat anymore, but I used to. And I can see the appeal of it with eggs at breakfast, or in a sandwich, or crumbled into salads and baked potatoes. But in dessert????? NO!
What the hell is up with this country’s love affair with bacon, anyway? It’s turning up everywhere! I have actually heard of chocolate-covered bacon, the thought of which makes me want to hurl. And my beloved Danny has actually ordered a Bacon Martini at a dive bar near Vegas. Today on FetLife, someone posted a link to a Bacon Chocolate-Chip cookie recipe. Stop the madness!!
OK, I get it, people love bacon. But just because a food is good, does that mean it belongs everywhere and combined with everything? I adore chocolate, as many people do. But come on. There are limits. Would you put hot fudge sauce on your prime rib? Sprinkle your mac-‘n-cheese casserole with chocolate chips instead of bread crumbs? (OK, maybe some people would, but I’d rather not know them. They’re the same people who would hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and say it needs more cowbell.)
Apparently, journalist Robin Wheeler agrees with me; see her amusing commentary on the bacon sundae here.
And while I’m in rant mode, what’s up with this trendy BS of combining sweet with spicy/savory flavors? I do not want freaking seasalt on my caramel, thank you very much. And I sure as @#$% don’t want cayenne pepper in my chocolate bars. Stop with this designer food nonsense. Putting pepper in chocolate is like mating a dog with a cat. Oh, and stop putting flowers in my chocolate too, while you’re at it. I like to smell the roses, not ingest them.
OK, I’m getting off-track here. Just say NO to bacon on ice cream, I beg of you. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have a salad.