Reflections on 2011

Last Chross Day of 2011, and I made the cut. Way to end the blogging year! Congratulations to all my fellow listees today.

This has been quite a year for me, with some amazing highs. First and foremost, I published a book. Not just any book — my autobiography. It took a year-and-a-half to write it, and after that, the process of formatting and pulling it all together for publishing began. With the help of a talented photographer and the uber-talented Zelle, I got a spectacular cover. In August, it officially went on sale.

The feedback has been beyond gratifying. To everyone who has purchased it, reviewed it, commented about it, written to me about it… thank you. So far on Amazon, I have sixteen 5-star reviews, and I have a collection of heartfelt private messages that I treasure. And shooting the promo video with Richard Windsor was great fun.

Other experiences this year: Last January, I flew to Connecticut to work with Sarah Gregory and “Tubaman” Paul for a few days. That was unforgettable; not just the shoots themselves, but hanging out with them, the house we stayed in (complete with two dogs), the snowstorm, the laughs. Such a blast!

Spanking Court came into my life this year as well. Again, it wasn’t just about the shoots — I met a group of wonderful people who were all so very kind to me, told me I was a joy to work with. I’m not the easiest person in the world to get along with, but when I’m with people I like, my hard edges soften and my fun side emerges. They have moved from Hollywood to Northern CA, which saddens me, but who knows what 2012 will bring. They have lots of plans for new content and I hope there will be a place for me in them.

This time last year, John was recovering from a strep infection in his blood that nearly killed him. He has since gained back all the weight he lost and his physique is the best it’s been since I’ve known him. Fifteen years plus, and I still can’t take my eyes off him. 🙂 He has been healthy all year and I am so, SO very grateful for that. Neither one of us is perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems we are perfect for each other.

He still thinks I’m beautiful, no matter how old I get. Last night when he called, he said, “I’d like to speak to the cutest girl in the world, please.” Of course, I had to be a smart-ass and reply, “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number,” but it still gave me a big smile and warm fuzzies.

I had a fabulous year with ST, the top formerly known as New Guy. Week after week, we’ve had amazing scenes, but more than that, we have a close friendship that means a great deal to me. He’s a special guy and I’m very lucky to know him. Here’s to 2012 and lots more fun (and maybe some more videos!).

Of course, what goes up, must come down, and there have been some spectacular lows, some hurts and losses. I’d rather not dwell on those, however. They’ll just start the waterworks going again, and really, I’m so fucking sick of tears. Overall, no one died, I have no work but I have money in the bank, I have a home I love, I have friends, I have John. If I were to make any resolution for the New Year (and I avoid them, as I don’t believe in changes being dictated by a date on the calendar), it would be to try to focus a little bit more on the positives. Easier said than done, given my naturally pessimistic nature, but I’d like to try.

No big plans for New Year’s Eve. Last year, John’s next-door neighbor had one of his huge, noisy blow-outs that went all night, so I’m hoping that won’t be the case again this weekend, but if it is, it is. At least I don’t have to live next door to the guy; I can put up with him for one night. We will most likely see a movie and have a nice dinner out, and he has champagne waiting in the fridge for midnight.

I hope everyone will have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve. May 2012 be a good year for us all. Thank you for visiting my little corner of the spanking blogosphere and I hope you’ll keep returning. ♥

I had to laugh

Some of my readers will remember posts from a couple of years ago, when John and I were scening with Craig Aych and his wife at the Lair de Sade dungeon. As you may recall, my scenes with Craig were awesome, but I didn’t like the place or most of the people there. Way too much ADD (Almighty Dom Disorder). (No, I can’t claim credit for that initialism.)

In particular, there was one DM (Dungeon Master) who used to strut around like a pompous peacock, implements sticking out of his pockets, flexing his muscles and talking tough. He and I never spoke to one another, but I was always aware of his presence (it was hard to miss him, really).

Here’s an excerpt from an April 2009 blog, after playing:

We ended up hanging out in the kitchen for another hour, although I did very little talking. I sat and listened, this idiotic glowing grin on my face, feeling myself fade. Just one sour note marred the bliss; there was a guy in the kitchen (not going to give any name or details) who was talking a mile a minute, blustering away about how he manages his slaves. He beats this one, fucks that one, beats AND fucks this other one. None of his slaves is allowed to close the door when she uses the bathroom (“It’s MY house, and I have complete access to EVERY room, ALL the time”). He went on and on about what he won’t accept, and said, “You can tell me no, but only once. You say it a second time, and you’re out the door.” Charming.

I was leaning my head against John’s shoulder, looking the other way and allowing myself to make disgusted faces. Part of me was thinking, “Turn it off, Erica, turn it off, don’t listen, don’t listen.” … there was nowhere to go but outside, and it was too cold and I was just too damned sleepy. I have to tell you though, folks, it took all my restraint to not snap, “Oh, Jesus Christ, get over yourself.” What good would that have done? He’d just laugh it off and probably tell me something like I needed a few hours with him to set me straight. And I would have embarrassed John. I have to remember where I am, and behave accordingly. I just wish I could understand why this sort of thing makes me react so strongly. At least John validated me. He’s usually the first one to chide me for being judgmental, but when I brought up how I felt about our blowhard buddy, his first words were, “Oh god, he was a BORE.”

So why am I laughing? Well, this guy basically looked down his nose at me every time I was at the Lair, since I was so obviously a misfit there. Spanking? Meh. Cotton candy. He’s into REAL submissives and slaves. Right?

Right. Guess who answered my Alt.com ad? LOL!

Give My profile a read If you want to talk write Me back

Yup, same guy. Writing to a clearly non-submissive, non-slave type, 14 years his senior. How desperate is he? What’s the matter, Hot Stuff — did your harem get sick of your domineering ass? Guess he doesn’t recognize the sassy brat at the Lair who had a mouth and a voice and who rolled her eyes at him every time he used his.

Part of me wanted to reply: “I know who you are. I’ve seen you, and heard you, at the Lair. No, thank you.” But then I figured it’s even more of a diss if I just don’t answer at all, or look at his profile. He’s been looking at mine every day. And he can see that I haven’t looked at his.

It’s a strange world, folks.

Interesting Xmas Eve

Y’all know where I stand with the holidays and with family dynamics (particularly dysfunctional ones). But I have to say, Xmas Eve at John’s sister’s house was remarkably pleasant. And since I’m more of an observer and bystander in these events, it’s interesting for me to sit quietly, watch and listen.

I know John was hurt that all three of his siblings dropped the ball on Thanksgiving, so I was kinda relieved (albeit annoyed that it was at the last possible minute) that we got the invitation from his sister S for dinner. It turned out to be a very low-key time, with just eight of us. Not as overwhelming as past gatherings.

When I first met John’s oldest niece and nephew (M and P), they were 14 and 12. And obnoxious. They displayed what I soon learned was the typical collective family attitude toward John — a kind of disdain. Yeah, that Uncle Johnny sure is weird, isn’t he? Never mind that he’s the smartest of the four, or the most successful, career-wise. He’s still the oddball who gave everyone compact fluorescent lightbulbs for Christmas ten years ago when they were new and expensive, because he’s into saving energy and the environment. He’s still the only one who never married or had kids, so he’s not normal. He’s still the one they always teased, picked on and made fun of. “We think you’re a saint for putting up with him,” his sister said to me, during my first year of dating John. Of course her kids were going to pick up on that attitude.

But now, M and P are 29 and 27, and they’ve grown into nice adults. They are warm and affectionate with both of us and show a lot more appreciation and respect for their uncle than they ever did growing up. I watched John bask in this and it did my heart good.

He was the superstar of the evening, because he went into his wine cellar and contributed not only a bottle of 1981 Vintage Port, but a magnum of champagne. This is a hard-drinking crowd, folks. Both bottles were consumed (and do you know how freaking huge a magnum is??), and they wanted more. He also knew how to get a very old cork out of the port bottle without crumbling it into the wine. And, for presentation, he’d brought along a Waterford crystal decanter.

M just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend. He’s going to be an engineer — and John has been one for over 30 years. So he was the go-to guy of the night for answers on an engineering career. It made me happy to see that too. His family has always had this “Oh, John’s such a know-it-all” air. His brother-in-law once said to me, “There are two ways to do anything — John’s way and the wrong way,” which really pissed me off. So this was a pleasant change.

His sister, of course, was plastered early on. But I have to say, she was very nice to me. And so accepting of my food oddities. His other sister (you know, the one who can’t cook anything without a quart of oil, several sticks of butter and a pound of cheese) certainly isn’t. When we came to the dinner table, I saw that S had set aside a bowl of salad for me, before she put a rich and creamy dressing on it. My salad was plain, and there was a cruet of fat-free raspberry vinaigrette by the plate. She also filled my dinner plate with plain steamed cauliflower, before she poured cheese sauce over the rest of it. I thought that was quite considerate; stuff like that goes a long way with me. I feel self-conscious enough about being a picky eater and having an abhorrence for butter/cheese/heavy sauces, and I’m usually prepared for people to give me a hard time about it, not willingly accommodate it.

I was quiet most of the evening. We lingered at the dinner table for a long time; others were chatting it up, but I just sat and listened, fighting a bit of drowsiness from the champagne. I’ve never been much of a talker among John’s family, which is one of the reasons they’ve always thought I was such a stiff. But then P started talking about a word game they all like to play (Bananagrams), and S said, “Oh, Erica would KILL you in that. Erica, have you ever played Bananagrams?” I’d never heard of it, so I said no. “Oh, you have to play! Wanna learn?”

I love games. I grew up playing every conceivable board and card game (and billiards, too), but I got out of the habit because John doesn’t enjoy games. So I felt my enthusiasm and competitive side kicking in as we went into the living room and they showed me how to play.

John told me about this later: While I was in the living room, he’d lingered in the kitchen, helping to clean up. (I know John… part of this was to be nice and helpful, but most of it was so he could wash his own Waterford decanter and not have his intoxicated sister handling it!) He said S came into the kitchen and shooed him out, telling him he really should go in and watch us playing Bananagrams. “You have to see Erica — I’ve never seen her so excited or animated! Go enjoy it!”

Sheeesh. How little she knows me, really. John said he had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t answer, “Oh, I’ve seen her like that before. You should see her at a spanking party.” (snicker)

We had thought we’d be ducking out around 8:30-9:00, as soon as we could politely escape. We ended up leaving at 11:30.

The family won’t change. His siblings will always be people I really don’t care for, and they probably won’t ever regard John any differently. They’re never going to be the close and supportive family he yearns for. But it sure was nice to hear M call out the door as we walked toward my car, “Love you, Uncle Johnny!” And he was cheerful the rest of the weekend.

Ugh. I’m so glad I was able to let go of the need for family validation. John hasn’t been so fortunate. So, these good times mean a lot.

I guess the best I can do is keep reminding him what a wonderful man he is, and how I got the best of the [his last name] family. 🙂

Well, THAT didn’t take long, did it…



Yes, I know. I’m obnoxious. 🙂

Technically, it’s still usable. It was the 26″ Junior cane, and just a couple of inches snapped off. ST says he can sand and file the tip and it will be good as new, just a little shorter. But it seems I need to consider getting one of Cane-iac’s tougher canes. One of those flexible ones. But I admit, I’m a little nervous about those! Someone on FetLife said I should try a Dragon Cane. I don’t even know what the hell that is, but it sounds evil.

However, let’s not be hasty. I do still have two other canes, you know. Which ST put to good use tonight, along with the leather slapper and all his other damn weapons of ass destruction. He was rather smug and gleeful about it all, too. “Oh, does that hurt?” Again with that! (snort)

I made it quite clear what I thought of his attitude.

 He then made it clear what he thought of mine.

“If it makes you feel any better,” he teased, “I’m not going to spank you again until next year.” Oh, har har har.

We then watched our video on my TV, since he burned it to a DVD for me. After that, it was time to load the photos from his camera onto my computer. Of course, my computer decided to be temperamental and completely froze up, and I had to restart it. So we had a couple of minutes to wait…

Yup. Over the chair.

“Your computer was conspiring against you,” he said. “It knew you needed more.” Oy.

“Are you done now?” I snapped.

“I’m never done spanking you,” he replied. “I just take breaks.”

The man is insatiable. How fortunate, considering that I am, too. 🙂

Less than one week and all this holiday business is over for another year. And can someone please explain to me why they’re still showing Christmas commercials when it’s December 26th? Feliz Navidad, my ass!

Off Topic: Holiday Reminiscence

(Yes, this post will be out of character for me. Have to keep y’all guessing once in a while, don’t I?)

Something you might not know about me — I love classical music. When I was growing up, I was exposed to three types of music in my home: 1) from my brother, rock and roll, 2) from my father, movie/theater soundtracks (yes, show tunes), and 3) from my mother, classical music. I had a special affinity for the latter and loved to listen to it at night before I went to sleep. I was familiar with many composers and their various pieces.

One piece of music I adored was Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Ballet.” I think everyone has heard bits and pieces of this ballet in their lifetime; for example, who hasn’t heard this? Anyway, it’s a Christmas-themed ballet, so every year at the holidays, there are several live productions of the Nutcracker. But when I was little, I never saw the ballet, just heard the music. I didn’t know the story behind it.

When I was in my early 20s, I finally saw The Nutcracker. A friend and I got tickets and went to the Music Center in downtown L.A., and for the first time, I got to see the beautiful tale that went with the music. Briefly, it is the story of a lonely young girl named Clara, who, on Christmas Eve, is given a handmade Nutcracker doll by her uncle, who is a toymaker. She is so enamored of it, she can’t sleep that night, and sneaks downstairs after everyone has gone to bed. She finds the doll under the Christmas tree and falls asleep there with it in her arms. At midnight, everything around her changes, and her Nutcracker doll changes into a handsome Prince, who whisks her off on a magical journey with lots of treats and surprises.

Over the years, the ending scenes of the ballet have changed, but in the original version (the one I saw), toward the end, Clara and the Prince dance together, and the music takes on a somber, dreamy tone. You sense that something sad is about to happen. Sure enough, her uncle comes into the scene; he has come to take her back home (or, if you will, it’s time to wake up from her dream, and her uncle is a symbol of reality). The dance becomes a poignant struggle for Clara — you can see that she knows she must go with her uncle, she wants to obey him… oh, but how badly she wants to stay with her beloved Prince. The two extremes are highlighted by the fact that the Prince is all in white, while her uncle is in black.

As I watched this unfolding on the stage, over 30 years ago, I bawled like a baby. Not just because the music and the dance were so achingly exquisite, but because it touched me personally. After all, at that time, I was well acquainted with having dreams and fantasies that felt so real, were so compelling, that I wanted to immerse myself in them and never come back.

My life is not the same now. I have a prince of a man, and I made many of my fantasies come true. But I still love The Nutcracker ballet. And I still can’t watch that scene, or hear that part of the music, without my eyes welling.

For those who might enjoy this, I did some digging through dozens of clips on YouTube and found my favorite version of this scene I love so much, with Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gelsey Kirkland. It starts out energetic, but the poignant pas de deux (French for “steps for two”) begins about a minute-and-a-half into the clip.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Happy Merry Joyous etc.

Or not. Whatever you’re celebrating this weekend, enjoy it. And if it’s like every other weekend for you, then that’s OK too.

I am so jazzed that ST got our video, “It’s a Wonderful Spanking,” done and I was finally able to get it posted last night after several failed attempts. Just in time to be Chrossed! And I am in wonderful company this week with lots of fun holiday-themed blogs. The video has gotten a ton of hits; now, can we have a few more comments, please please please? 😀

Yes, I’m an attention whore. This can’t be news to you. Well, if not for me, then definitely for ST. He worked hard and did a fabulous job cutting it all together.

A couple of shout-outs today. First, if you’d like to hear Richard Windsor’s annual Christmas program (cool music and recorded greetings from several spanko people, including Pixie and Dana Specht), go here. Rich puts a lot of work into these shows and they are clearly a labor of love. I was very pleased to be included, as I was last year.

Also, Pandora Blake’s Dreams of Spanking production site has officially launched! I know she’s thrilled to pieces over it and I wish her all the best. Go take a look around.

And finally, for the F/M spanking aficionados among us, check out Dana Kane’s latest hilarious Product Testing video. This woman has way too damn much fun. Cute apron, too!

So, what’s everyone’s weekend looking like? John’s sister pulled one of her famous last-possible-minute “Oh, by the way, we’re having dinner” invitations for tomorrow, Xmas Eve, so we’re headed to her place for the festivities. John will bring champagne, for which I am grateful. Of course, we’re stuck with we look forward to picking up his mother and taking her there. The good news is, she’ll want to go home early, which is fine by us! More good news — John’s brother and sister-in-law are having Xmas Day dinner, but we weren’t invited to that. Also fine. One dinner is enough, thank you.

Family or no family, I look forward to being with my beloved. ♥

Whatever you’re doing, whomever you’re with… have a great, stress-free, fun holiday weekend, y’all.