Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Things That Annoy Me, Part Whatever

That’s right, I’ve lost track. Really, it would be much easier to list the things that don’t annoy me. But not as much fun and certainly not as cathartic.

Every now and then, I feel like ranting about a phrase or term that irks me. The last time I did, the phrase was “I’d take a bullet for you.” First of all, that’s a stupidly empty phrase — people just say it to sound like Friend of the Year, when they know damn well they’ll never have to prove it. And second, who says I want you to take a bullet for me? Then you’re dead or maimed, and I’m left with lifelong guilt. No, thank you.

Anyway… today’s phrase is the feel-good saying: “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

OK, on its sweet and shiny surface, it sounds nice. Scratch off the veneer, and you’ll see that it’s utter BS.

Sure, it would be nice to completely bypass the normal grieving process of loss and skip straight to the warm and happy fuzzies. And maybe some people can do that — if they are robots, or if they’re lucky enough to be sociopaths who are devoid of those pesky human emotions.

Along the same lines, I recently came across a post where the writer was talking about the transience of some relationships. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, “People come and go in our lives. There is no point in morning [sic] those who have gone; we should simply focus on what we learned from them.”

Oh, kiss my ass. Tell you what, folks. Don’t tell me not to cry, and don’t tell me not to mourn. Don’t invalidate my feelings. And if you don’t, I’ll do my part and I won’t call you an idiot for spewing such drivel.

I’m not saying we should steep ourselves in grief and stay there indefinitely. But feeling sad, crying, etc. over something we’ve lost is part of the process, a step that cannot be skipped. It deserves acknowledgement and patience. Telling someone they shouldn’t cry or grieve is the very thing that’s going to keep them stuck. Because they’ll shove down the feelings and never process them properly.

I know what you’re thinking. “You have your own feel-good phrase that you trot out, Erica.” Yes, I do. “The depth of your despair will be the height of your joy.”

Let’s review. Is there any part of that saying that tells the person not to despair? That denies or invalidates the existence of the sadness? No. It is merely a statement of hope, reminding the person that if they are capable of feeling deep pain, then in turn, they can also feel great joy. And they will, sooner or later. When I’m in the pits, I tell myself this, and I know that at some point, the tide will turn.

Here’s a thought, folks: Next time you talk to someone who has just suffered a loss of whatever kind, spare them the invalidating homilies. Instead, simply offer them your most heartfelt “I’m so sorry.”

Enough of that. In other news, my Cane-iac blog got Chrossed today, which makes me happy. That will bring even more attention to them, which they deserve. I received my second cane in the mail today, so it will be tested next Monday. πŸ™‚

And finally — I may be an Uber-curmudgeon this time of year, but let it not be said that I can’t laugh at myself. Check out my December persona, courtesy of the brilliant Zelle. πŸ™‚

Those glasses are not mine; she Photoshopped them on. Damn, she’s good!  Oh, and where did she get a photo of me making such a smug face? Where else… it’s my mug shot from Spanking Court.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

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23 thoughts on “Things That Annoy Me, Part Whatever

  1. I hope someday you and Zelle co-star in a video. :)I'm a passionate emotional person and HATE for someone to attempt to tell me what to NOT feel or what I should FEEL. I won't use the phrase, "time heals all wounds." Crap, I just did! πŸ™‚


  2. Kelly — as clichΓ© as that one is, it doesn't bother me as much. It's not denying the wound, merely reassuring that it will heal in time.


  3. Hi Erica, CONGRATS on being Chrossed thats AWESOME :-)Zelle is so VERY brilliant I Love the way she did your pic,ERICANEEZER SCROOGE πŸ™‚ HEHEHE LOL IT IS SO CUTE.I agree as well, i won't let anyone tell me how i should and shouldn't feel, everyone deals with emotion's and losse's in different way's.I wonder if your new cane is whippy hehehe is it a Dragon cane? just joking with you :-)Wishing you and John a nice relaxing weekend.Much love and hug's to you from your naughty girl Jade XOXO


  4. Jade — I guess I'm going to find out how whippy it is very soon! πŸ˜‰


  5. Bravo!!! Platitudes have always annoyed me, and I do try hard not to use them. Most of them do invalidate what is normal. I hate that phrase that you bitched about, too, BTW. You can only maybe smile because it happened after you grieve over the loss.Sarah


  6. Sarah — my point exactly. First things first.I can think about my father and brother, and smile at my fond memories of them. I can think about the guy who dumped me and broke my heart in 1995, and smile at the memories of all the wall-rattling sex we had. But I had to cry, a lot, first.


  7. My favorite phrase is, "Death ends a life, not a relationship." What does this have to do with anything? I'm not sure — I just drank 6 pints at the bar and it seemed to fit.But, I agree with you. Those phrases that insinuate that it's not "all right" to mourn or embrace the feelings of loss condescend to those of us who do. So not only have you lost a relationship, loved one, job, etc, you're left feeling like a shmuck for mourning them.So, yeah, that annoys me, too. I'm still mourning the loss of my cat, Pepper, from when I was 10. Seriously. She was a cool cat.XX


  8. Chocolate. Chocolate fixes everything.I need chocolate.This just came to mind…"For some moments in life there are no words." rofl.. that's from ..Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. LOLYou look smashing in that hat… πŸ˜‰


  9. The world's longest period continues….


  10. I have never even heard that irksome phrase before, until now. Perhaps eating some 'comfort food' will help.


  11. Yes, there she is in all her glory! Scrooge McFucked! πŸ˜‰ That's what you get for hatin' on your neighbors' delightful attempt at bringing a little holiday cheer into your apartment complex!Smooches!


  12. Nothing wrong with being curmudgeonly within reason, much of what you said is agreed with by many of the silent majority. Just remember ST might have make your butt sore if he thinks you overstep the mark….


  13. It's like the phrase "It'll all work itself out." Uh, how do you know? Maybe things are just fucked up and the situation can't magically repair itself. Anyway, I totally agree with you. I think people just don't know what to say in emotionally charged situations.I love that pic, lol! Great job, Zelle! And congrats on being Chrossed! My post of "Why You Won't Be Playing With Me" made the list as well, probably because you mentioned it here! πŸ˜€


  14. This post proves to me that you should start a mainstream vanilla Blog with a eye to building it's popularity into something that pays.You have friends here that would help you.


  15. Erica. you are in one of your mood's again. "So don't dispair, give a care" As for careing Happy Hanukkah, and tell about one of your delightful 'vintage' Hollywood stories. Spanks to you my delightful 'Yiddishe' friend. I could eat you all up, just like one of mama's delicious latkes.


  16. Pink — Six pints?? Oh my gawd, I'd be in a coma until 2012 with that. :-)I don't like being made to feel like a schmuck for having human emotions. I feel enough like a schmuck for other reasons as it is!Zelle — chocolate. Yes. I agree.Anonymous — what a shame that you have nothing better to do than to read a blog you don't like and then insult it. Perhaps if you ask nicely, Santa will bring you a life.otk9 — dig into the mac and cheese, you'll feel better.Craig — Scrooge McFucked! HAHAHAHAHA! :-Dlong bean — so why does that majority have to be silent? Why can't they speak up? Wimps. :-)Lea — your post didn't get Chrossed 'cause I mentioned it. It got Chrossed 'cause it was damn good! :-)OBB — eh… plenty of blogs (and comics) who grouse about stuff, no? Lewis Black comes to mind.Six — OK, maybe I'll come up with another Hollywood story. Haven't done one of those for a while.


  17. Stands and cheers Zelle's latest creation and votes for that to be Erica's home page pic for the next two weeks!!I just ran across an article in the Harvard Business Review (via Mark Evanier's site, I'm not so high falutin' in my own reading) that ripped all the incessantly used, silly nonsense business and advertising phrases which have never meant a damn thing. Now, there are assholes who don't want to ever be bothered with anyone else's pain, and there are also some folks who are just overwhelmed and fumble trying to comfort. Better just to take a hand, or just listen, or if something has to be said, "I'm sorry, and I'm here."Anyway, an Erica Rant is always as enjoyable as a thunderstorm!


  18. PS– "Maybe Santa will bring you a life," HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!


  19. Right on, Erica! Some of the things that are said to try to help people feel better just don't work. I hate it when anyone tries to shut down my feelings or tries to tell me what I do or do not feel, or what I can or cannot feel. We may not know exactly how another feels about a loss, but we sure can relate to the fact of the loss and let them know we care for them. I think one of the best things to do is to shut up and listen. It is one of the most validating things, if not the most, we can do.


  20. Dave — I'll have to look for that article! Sounds like my kind of writing.I do understand the awkwardness around trying to say the right thing. That's why "I'm sorry" is so simple and yet it works.Bobbie Jo — listening is good. Not enough people have that art down.


  21. Hey, Erica, for your convenience, Here's that HBR article!


  22. HAHAHAHAHAH! Oh, that's perfection. πŸ™‚ Thanks!


  23. @Dave… Oh now that HBR article was a value add!rofl — the comments really ran it up the flagpole and got my attention!hahahaha!


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