OT: Embarrassing fun with my new scanner

In my plodding, reluctant efforts to drag myself into more up-to-date computer equipment, I recently chucked my fax and my really crappy old printer and bought a new combo Epson printer/scanner/copier. I even set it all up myself, which is no small feat, considering that electronics and I are not friends. And I’ve never had a scanner before, so this is a fun new treat. Did some digging into antiquated photo albums…

For those who read my book or who have known me for some time, you’ll recall that I’ve said I was a cute baby and little girl, but then things went awry and I went into an Ugly Duckling phase that lasted from around age 8 to my mid-teens. People tell me that I’m exaggerating, that I should produce pictorial evidence. Honestly, there isn’t much of it. Aside from school photos, there are very few pictures of me in existence during that phase, and thank goodness. However, I did manage to dig up a few, so you can get some inkling.

First, we’ll start with the cute stuff. Here I am on my first birthday. Yup, you can tell it’s me — my mouth is open.

OK, here comes the big “awwwwwww” moment. My brother’s Bar Mitzvah — I was three weeks shy of five years old (and I’d already learned how to smirk):

Look at those little gloves! “Hee hee, I look adorable and I know it.” Yeah, enjoy it, little girl. In a few years, you’ll look like this:

AAAACCCCK! My sixth-grade school photo; I was eleven. Braces and chubby face in full splendor.

Here I am at 13, holding our enormous orange cat Henry:

Will you look at that schnozz?? Now you know why the other kids called me Pinocchio.

Trying to hide behind Henry and failing utterly:

Back then, when people told me to haul ass, I had to make two trips. And I hadn’t even reached my peak weight yet; that was at age 15. And no, I have no photos of that, mercifully.

Oh, and speaking of my book, you’ll also remember my father’s evil third wife, Vampira. Here’s a rarity — me, my dad and the wicked witch in one photo, on my 18th birthday:

Get a load of those nails! No wonder I had nightmares of her clawing me to shreds. Of the three smiles in this picture, I’d venture to say the only one that’s genuine and heartfelt is my father’s. (“Whew, my two girls are getting along tonight.”) Right, Dad. Have another drink. (sigh)

Gotta love those old photo albums! The pictures have been in them for so long, they were stuck fast to the pages and I couldn’t peel them off, so I had to stick the whole album in the scanner. Still worked, though.

Hope y’all got a few giggles out of this. I’ll see what other treasures I can find in the pictorial archives. 😀

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