Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

I forgive you, Tim Burton

(No, I don’t. I just said that ’cause ST insisted. Explanation to follow shortly.)

OK, I promised a more fun blog tonight; enough of this depressing life stuff for a while. I had doubts about whether or not I’d be able to deliver, but ST distracted me and made me laugh — exactly what I needed.

So what’s this about Tim Burton? Well. I’m not going to go into it a whole lot tonight; in the future, I will posting the mother of all rants, but I’m not ready for that yet. In a nutshell, here’s the story: Y’all know how impassioned I am about Dark Shadows. And you’re all no doubt familiar with Tim Burton, the man who has created all those bizarro movies over the years (some good, others dreadful). For years (literally), there has been talk about how he and Johnny Depp were collaborating on a Dark Shadows movie. Apparently Depp is a huge DS fan and has wanted to play the vampire Barnabas Collins for most of his life. Long story short, the film has finally become a reality. It opens in May, but the trailer came out about a week-and-a-half ago, along with the official movie poster.

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have taken a much-beloved cult classic, a gothic horror soap opera, and turned it into a comedy. A campy, cheesy spoof of the show, with a vampire from the 1700s being released from a coffin into the 1970s (complete with disco, and Depp’s character freaking out when he sees a television). While the original Barnabas looked like everyone else (so he could blend in and keep the secret of his vampirism), Depp’s Barnabas has thick, pasty-white makeup on, with blood-red lips and dark rings around his eyes. He looks like a circus freak. Or Michael Jackson.

What a viral firestorm. You have the camp on one side, the tweens, the Twilight fans, the Burton-Depp-ites, who think it looks hilarious and can’t wait to see the movie. Then there’s the other camp — the die-hard fans of the original who think this reinvention is a travesty. Twitter, Facebook and several forums have been buzzing with this controversy. And guess which camp I’M in?

It started when I first saw the trailer and went berserk. Then I started finding the various forums and posting on those. And finally, I found kindred spirits on Twitter and I have been tweeting bitchy, snarky comments about the movie and what I think of Burton & Co. ever since. Many have “favorited” and retweeted me. Others probably think I’m a complete pain in the ass and need a life.

An article in yesterday’s L.A. Times Calendar section fanned the flames: it was about the film and the writer’s tone toward the original show was rather condescending. Tim Burton was quoted as saying that technically, the original was “actually awful.” Some fan! I was so pissed off, I wrote an email to Calendar Letters (let’s see if they publish it). One of the stars of DS, Kathryn Leigh Scott, didn’t care for the article either, and she blogged about it (I commented to her, but didn’t include my blogsite link out of discretion). I tweeted my fool head off about it today. An example of my tweets? “So Tim Burton thinks the original Dark Shadows was awful? Mr. Burton, you can bite me. And not my neck, either.”

So what does this have to do with tonight? Connect the dots, kids. I got taken to task for being such a “trouble-maker” and “wreaking havoc all over the Internet.” Oh, good grief.

“It’s just a movie!” he said, making his point (whatever the hell that was) with the Spanking Buddy.

“It is NOT!” I screeched in indignation. “It’s a desecration of my childhood memories!” My melodrama didn’t seem to faze him.

It got progressively more ridiculous as the scene wore on, with ST saying that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp probably saw my tweets and are highly insulted, and Johnny Depp probably wants to come over and spank me. (I didn’t find that notion at all unpleasant, as long as he doesn’t wear that stupid makeup.) I snapped that Burton and Depp have better things to do than to monitor my tweets.

ST also thought I was judging too much on just a trailer and I should see the movie. “Never!” I hollered. “Not in the theater, not on Netflix, not on DVD. They’d have to pay ME to watch it.”

“You’re like a child who won’t try her peas!” he scolded. “You should try things before you decide you don’t like them.” Hey, if Tim Burton or Johnny Depp want to serve me peas, I’ll eat them. But I’m not losing two hours of my life to that piece of dreck.

Long, long battle of wills, kiddies. Finally, ST had to concede that nothing he could do would stop me from continuing with my tweets and other postings, or change my mind about the new film. But really, I should be nicer to Burton and Depp. After all, it’s the movie I hate, not them, per se. So… I had to count out 25 strap strokes and after each one, say, “I forgive Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.”

Yes, really.

I was obedient, counting out each one and repeating the phrase. But after #25, I added (very loudly), “But their movie SUCKS!!!”

I had to have the last word, didn’t I? I mean, we’re talking principle here.

(And yes, I know I’m being utterly obsessive and silly about this, but you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.)

Anyway, here I am, holding the paper with that damned article:

Notice that header, “Playing with Dark Shadows”? That’s exactly what those buttheads did. And here’s what I think of it:

I’ve already tweeted the second picture. :-Þ

All silliness aside — tonight, as always, ST managed to give me what I needed. Last week was about intensity. Tonight was about lightening up, having some laughs and just forgetting all the BS for a couple of hours.

What more could a bottom girl want, really? (Well, besides a little more respect for her show, but whatever…)

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25 thoughts on “I forgive you, Tim Burton

  1. What more could a bottom want? What is it that ST hasn't delivered on? i think a bit of making nice with Mr Top might be in order. Just saying….. He tries so hard, and you're, well, just so darned flppant! I hate to take ST's side in this but…. ;-)Lots of love, A.


  2. Hi Erica-I agree with you about the movie :-)I think they should of left it alone cause the original DS was 100 time's better :-)their movie doe's SUCK,OMG you and ST made me laugh so loud hehehe LMAO,The pic of you giving the newspaper the middle finger made me howl with laughter :-)thank's for cheering me up i needed that.Have a GREAT day my very dear friend :-)Much Love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade XOXO


  3. Dana — you ARE kidding, aren't you? I'm going to assume you're kidding.ST knows I adore him and appreciate him. I'm thinkin' he wouldn't waste his time coming here every week to be mistreated. He may switch on occasion, but he's not a masochist. ;-)Jade — I don't think the people who made the movie would find that picture very funny… but oh well! I don't care! lol


  4. Personally I feel Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are self-indulgent fools. Thinking they can make anything better just by adding their so called magic touch. I don't see remakes and never will. And if you think something is awful to begin with then you have no idea how to appreciate what it was and build on it. Johnny and Tim have ruined too many classics in my book. I wonder if Jonah Hill thinks 21 Jump St. was an awful show?Anyway back to more important things. Love your pics. Both sexy and funny. By the way I'm still jealous of the men who get to spank you.Jon


  5. Jon — I don't like their remakes, but I like a couple of their original stories (Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood). I think they could have done something really wonderful, a true homage, rather than turning DS into a slapstick freak show.


  6. Dammit! I hate when people fuck up a good story. It would have been better to do a serious version of DS. I am really pissed off! I was and still am a DS fan as is the rest of my family. SOB! They did this to please the stupid imbeciles that flock to these type of movies. I am going to be nice here for a second and not describe who these people are. SIMMERING! This was done only to make mega-money and appeal to these people. What happened to having respect for the work and artistry? The bulk of us are not imbeciles and would love good movies to out number the asinine movies being made nowadays. :{ I would like to spank Depp and Burton right now. (Drumming fingers and itching palm.) I hope their movie is a big box office flop. :PI would be really pissed off if I got spanked for saying this because it is the principle of it and I don't like being spanked for being passionate about something meaningful to me. *Arms folded*Er. *Worried* Well that felt good. 🙂 Sorry, I am better for now. I guess you couldn't tell, but I love DS. *SIGH*By the way, this is not the only type of thing I am passionate about and I don't need to get a life like Kimmy K. I need to go direct this into that right now. 😉


  7. Hey, right on, ST!!Heh Heh HehAll we are saying, is give peas a chance.I'm sure Johnny and Tim will delight in reading about this spanking and readily forgive you. Maybe you should see if Christopher Nolan will do a version of DS in a couple years, with Christian Bale as Barnabas. Or maybe Quentin.Hey, ST quoted Alfred Hitchcock!;-D


  8. Bree — oh, it's always lovely to find another die-hard DS fan. 🙂 Go find the trailer; you'll spew.Wolfie — oh, gawd. You and your 2/3 puns… P. U.! 😀 So what was the Hitchcock quote?


  9. Janet Leigh was very worried about the "Psycho" shower scene until Hitch said, "Janet– it's only a movie."


  10. HA! Love it. 🙂


  11. Newt Kai on said:

    I remember when they remade "An Affair to Remember" They chose Warren Beatty, Whom I adore, but is NOT Cary Grant. I didn't want them to remake it. It was perfect as it was. When I saw it, it was different. the same story with new shades. But the first still stands as a classic.When I saw that they were going to do a Dark Shadows remake….I figured- It would be darker possibly, but not campy. They are making a mockery out of what really was a romantic, innocent show of another era.I understand that each person tells a story differently, but shouldn't the core of the story and characters remain? Or doesn't it really just bastardize the original idea?I live in fear of the day the remake Casablanca.


  12. It is like the remakes of "Beau Geste." I have seen a couple of the movies. Then they have 'The Last Remake of Beau Geste." Enough already!


  13. Well, you KNOW I love Johnny Depp and Tim Burton so the idea of you being strapped and apologizing to them with each stroke filled me with such pleasure and joy that I was grinning from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat. Go ST!


  14. Erica, your Monday postings are a total highlight. Because I live in a different time zone, I usually read them on Tuesday when I have a quite minute at work. They always brighten me up. Thank you very much for this.


  15. Newt — ready for some irony? "An Affair to Remember" is a remake. The original was called "Love Affair," and it's from 1939 with Charles Boyer and Irene Dunne. :-DBobbie Jo — I know remakes are a staple of Hollywood. I mean, "A Christmas Carol" and "Little Women" have been made endless times. Today's trivia: In the 1933 version of Little Women, Joan Bennett played Amy. Many years later, Joan Bennett starred on Dark Shadows.Craig — oh, geez. He's a top. You're a top. Why am I not surprised? ;-)Fenris — that's so nice to hear. 🙂


  16. Yes their original ideas are much better. They were taking risks then. I really loved the two "ED" movies. I guess you can't really hate someone who directed Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Jon


  17. Hi Erica.I am also a fan of Dark Shadows. While I don't remember the details, I was a child back then, I do remember bits and pieces. And I remember the movie that was made from the series. And then there was the 80s remake, with Ben Cross, that I enjoyed. Now, and this is stereotypical Goth of me, I am a fan of Tim Burton and his twisted take on things, though I still have yet to watch his Willy Wonka. With this version of Dark Shadows, my guess is that he is trying to please original fans like us as, well as the current folk who have never even heard of it. It's a fine line to walk, trying to please everyone. Hopefully the new movie will peak interest in the original. That usually does work out when it comes to projects such as this. I became interested in Robin Hood because of the Walt Disney cartoon movie. And give credit for it ever since.Now I am not excusing Tim if he said anything bad about the original. But that may have been an emotional response due to original fans voicing their opinions. It happened to Michael Bay with The Transformers. And at least he does have the new one take place in the right time period.Also I do understand your feelings in this. And I can sum that up with three titles of my childhood that were made into very bad remakes(reFakes). 'Land of the Lost', '21 Jump Street', And…'The Wicker Man'. So you see, I do understand your growl. 🙂


  18. Holy smokes! I totally missed this blog due to …. oh hell, I have no "GOOD" excuse! LOLThis was funny as hell! And I DO THINK you SHOULD see the movie.. so you can bitch about it even louder than just that silly ass little trailer that got ya going.I think ST would have a field day if you had that as a rental and he spanked you DURING the flick. hahahahha! OMG… the scene that would be for "posterity" .. and your posterior.. LOLOL


  19. Loki — I realize that your view is much more reasonable than mine, and I applaud it. And I do hope that you're right — that the movie will create new interest (and fans) for the old show. But there's a part of me that keeps stamping my foot and screaming, "NO! This is WRONG! Have some respect, dammit!"I used to sneer at the 1991 Ben Cross remake. But at least that followed the show's original flavor and plot.Zelle — oh gawd. 🙂 You know, a Hollywood theater is having a double bill for one night in May — House of Dark Shadows from 1970, and the current Dark Shadows movie. Several of the original stars (not the new ones, though) will be there for autographs and photos. Perhaps I can get ST to go with me, although I don't know if I can make it through the new one!! pffft


  20. Eat your peas dammit!!!! :)Seriously, I don't feel this way at all about people who re-record their version of songs, but I think that movie originals typically are their very best during round #1. Remakes seem to be overkill and don't really enhance the plots.


  21. Erica, I wasn't around for the orignal DS run, but I've seen parts of it here and there and I gotta tell you… now don't throw things at me…. is it possible that you are lovin on it because of the time that it represented for you? Really, Erica, you are pretty much spot on with everything that I love, but that show was just… just not the best show I ever saw!God, don't ban me please. But this is Tim Burton! Nightmare Before Christmas!Best wishes,Cindy


  22. Kelly — I happen to like peas! And most vegetables, even Brussels sprouts. But do NOT tell me to eat beets. (gag)I really don't like the whole trend of making current movies from old TV shows in general. There are exceptions — The Addams Family comes to mind. But oh my gawd — My Favorite Martian? Bewitched? GAAAAACK!


  23. Quinn — our comments crossed. (laughing) Don't worry, I'm not going to ban you or throw things at you. Dark Shadows definitely belongs to its own time and it's not for everyone. Actually, it's nothing to do with the time it represented, because my adolescence sucked! But I still love the show as much as I ever did. It's a cult thing; we're like Trekkies, or the current TwiHards.


  24. I don't know much about the original Dark Shadows, but my aunt is a big fan. She has the entire series on VHS and she shares your sentiments of not wanting to see how the original will be ruined by the movie. I do like some of Johnny Depp's stuff but he certainly is a fan for going over the top.


  25. Lea — I like some of Depp's older work, like Gilbert Grape. I think he's a good actor. But this is so disappointing.


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