The wait, and the weight
The week has slowly ticked by, and tomorrow we will be going to see my mother. To say I’m not looking forward to this is a grand understatement.
When something is weighing on me, everything else that’s worrisome seems to escalate as well. I am worrying about John, as usual. We’ve had this ongoing business with his knee; it’s verrrrrrry slowwwwwwly improving, but he still can’t take his walks or bike rides. In recent months, he seems to have developed sleep apnea; he snores horribly and we can’t sleep together anymore. He is supposed to go for one of those overnight sleep studies, but between his work and concerns about his knee and about his own mother (who is going into an assisted facility this weekend), he hasn’t addressed that issue. And speaking of work — last night, we were on the phone at 8:30 and he was still at the office. No wonder I simply don’t have it in me to be involved with my mother’s non-life. Worrying about John is a full-time job.
Tomorrow will go as it goes. My stepfather will either be accepting or he won’t. I’m not going to beg him to forgive me. And after tomorrow, I will make an effort to focus on good things ahead.
I’m shooting with Lily Starr this Wednesday; we rescheduled and I look forward to that. BBW is a month away, and that will bring me much joy. Not just the playing, but seeing so many dear friends and meeting new ones. It will be a soul-nurturing four days.
And, as a friend pointed out, there is always a Monday coming. ST, I appreciate you more than you’ll ever imagine. You are a gift that just keeps giving.
Finally, a word about low-life, bottom-feeding scum suckers. Also known as people who post attacks via anonymous comments. You think I’m disgusting? No. Disgusting is deliberate, calculated meanness, and the cowardice of hiding behind an anonymous post. You don’t like me, or my writing? Nobody’s holding a gun to your head; don’t read my blog or anything else I write. At the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and know that I haven’t gone out of my way to hurt anyone or ruin their day; you can’t say the same. And until you’ve lived my life and known what it’s like to be my mother’s daughter, don’t you fucking dare judge my family situation.
To my friends, I wish y’all a great weekend.