Boardwalk Badness Weekend, Part 4: Sunday (and more pictures!)
As usual, I’ve forgotten some of the Priceless Party Moments from Saturday night, so I must catch up a bit.
1. Chatting with KatBrat in the ballroom, having her regale us with stories about the private nicknames she and her friends have given to the Creepers. John then asked, “OK, so do you guys have a name for me?” She looked at him, absolutely deadpan, and quipped, “Yes — we call you Erica’s bitch.”
I owe you for that, toots. 🙂
2. And speaking of Kat, later in one of the suites she approached me, holding a bag and grinning madly. “I saw this on the Boardwalk and thought of you!” I opened the bag and laughed like hell — it was a teeny-tiny pair of drawstring shorts, with KISS MY printed in bold block letters across the butt. I put them on then and there and pranced up and down the hallway showing them off. Don’t have a picture of them, though. Kat said she has a feeling we’ve started a terrible tradition of buying each other gag gifts!
3. In a suite, Magic Steve approached me and asked if I’d do him a favor. I said sure, and he handed me a roll of Scott toilet paper, asking if I’d autograph it! He said it was going to be party prize at a future date. How funny was that?? I took the Sharpie and wrote “Erica” above the printed “Scott,” then wrote “BBW 2012” below. I’ve signed quite a few things in my time, but toilet paper is definitely a first.
4. Very late Saturday night when we were in the hall saying our goodbyes, Ten came out of her room, saw me and called out, “Hey! It’s Erica Fucking Scott!” I called back, “Hey, it’s Ten Fucking Amorette!” She made her way over, a bit tipsily, leaned into me and said, “I’m a little drunk.” “Really? Couldn’t tell, honey.” Another woman next to us had a bubble wand and soap, and she started blowing bubbles. Ten waved her hand around, snatching at the bubbles, and she grabbed my boob. “Oh God, I just grabbed your boob.” I laughed and said, “Yup, you sure did!” She looked a little concerned that I might be offended or something, but I hugged her and assured her it was totally OK. She smiled, and then patted my butt. “Oh God, I just grabbed your ass.” “Yes, you sure did!” Then, referring to that debacle on FetLife a couple of months ago, she gasped, “Hey — since I’ve touched you twice, does that mean I have to give you money?” I answered, “No, but you really should kiss my royal paid-for ass!” And she dropped to her knees, lifted my dress and did just that. Standing back up, her parting shot was, “Wish we had that on film — that clip would sell hundreds!”
A few pictures from Friday/Saturday night:
Dana Specht and I, the Ladies in Red, flanking beautiful Sarah Gregory on Friday. Look close — notice that her shoes match her dress!
Sarah and I on Saturday night:
And my new favorite picture of John and me — thank you, Sarah!
Sunday morning, I actually got up sort of early (9:00 a.m.). It was the last official activity of the party — coffee and bagels in the ballroom, and then Strict Dave’s Punishment Court — and I didn’t want to miss it. So we headed down to the ballroom around 9:45; lots of bleary-eyed and happy-looking folks chugging coffee, munching mini-bagels and chatting. We sat at a table with Steve, Cailin, Fineous and Alexis, and we had a perfect view of the stage for the court. This was the third time I’ve seen Dave’s court skit and it was hilarious as always.
Unfortunately, in the middle of the court proceedings, all the coffee I’d mainlined took effect and I needed to run to the restroom. Not wanting to miss anything, I dashed out of the ballroom, not taking my purse (and my badge was inside it). When I came back, our friend Linda was watching the door, but I knew by this time that it wasn’t really necessary to have the badge, so as I ran past her, I threw out, “I don’t have my fucking badge — deal with it!” I could hear her laughing behind me.
The party was officially over, but it would continue until well into the night later in the suites. So John and I and our friend Mir decided to go for lunch on the boardwalk, heading for that little diner we’d seen on Friday.
OK, kids. I do believe we had a quintessential Jersey experience with this lunch. Fortunately, we were in no hurry and we were in mellow moods, so it was all hilarious.
Got a table, perused the menu. Our server came over to get our orders and I went first, asking for an egg-white veggie omelet. Here in CA, it’s very common to substitute sliced tomatoes for fried potatoes with breakfast items, but when I asked her for tomatoes instead of home fries, she looked at me as if I’d ordered sheep’s brains. “Tomatoes?” “Yes, sliced tomatoes.” “Well, they’re going to put the potatoes on the plate anyway.” “Well, tell them not to.” OK… to drink? “I’d like a Diet Coke and a glass of water, please.”
“We don’t serve water.”
“We have bottled water, but you have to buy it.”
OK. I glanced over behind the counter and saw both a sink, and a water dispenser on the drink machine. You mean to tell me that they couldn’t take a glass and fill it with water? No, she said, it’s against our policy.
She went on to John. He ordered a veggie burger, but he didn’t want the French fries. Could he substitute anything? No, she said. He looked at the menu, and saw that chips were served with cold sandwiches — could he have chips instead of fries? No, she said. Good lord! She smiled apologetically — it wasn’t her fault, she was just doing her job. But this was ludicrous. John then changed his order to an omelet, and he asked for tomatoes as well. Same incredulous look. Mir ordered a salad and asked for a different dressing on the side. But the server seemed so confused by this, Mir changed her mind and said forget it, just serve it the normal way.
We got our drinks within minutes. But our food? Not for another 40 minutes. I was ready to chew the napkins by now.
And guess what? John and I both got potatoes. We had to ask again and they brought us tomatoes several minutes later. Too funny!
We couldn’t stop laughing about the “no water” thing. John wanted to do a “Five Easy Pieces” kind of order. “Bring me a cup of coffee. But I don’t want any coffee grounds in it. And I want it in a glass, not a cup. Put some ice in it.”
Here we are on the Boardwalk:
Back at the hotel, we were both seized by bone-deep exhaustion and went back to our room to sleep. Nothing was happening for several hours, so we had lots of time to prepare for the final blow-out of the weekend, Sunday night. Which I do believe I will cover in Part 5.