When Worlds Collide
The vanilla and spanko worlds, that is.
My buddy Secret Spanko, as coincidence would have it, wrote a blog this week about the perils of being a spanko on Facebook. He said the two don’t mix, and I believe I agree with him. In retrospect, I don’t think I would have chosen to join. But that rebellious part of me decided to do so anyway, quite a while ago.
There are many spankos on Facebook; however, they tend to choose one of two paths. 1) They use their real names and have completely vanilla profiles, with family and friends, or 2) They use their scene names and make their pages all about spanking. (And by the way, a lot of them get deleted because of that. I’ve known spankos who have rebuilt their profiles 3-4 times. Why they bother, I don’t know.)
Ever the contrarian, I chose neither. I built a profile with my scene name, but did not make it about spanking. I don’t post any spanking photos, no links to my videos, etc. But I hint at it. Some of the photos I have posted are provocative, such as the shot of my standing in my bedroom wearing the corset ST gave me. I make comments that hint at my proclivities, but never state them directly. If other members post blatant spanking pictures or statements on my timeline, I often delete them (not always, though). And, on my profile under websites, I post my blog link. No one reads profiles anyway, right? Well, hardly anyone.
Why? I dunno. Maybe to mess with people. Maybe to mess with Facebook, which I think is basically a big fat vanilla racket and an incredible time-waster. So what do I do on there? Two things, mostly — I play Scrabble and I post in a group for Dark Shadows fans (a niche group whose members all hated the film).
I mentioned this briefly in Wednesday’s blog, but here’s the more complete story. Last week, I posted a photo of Mom and me on my timeline. The next day, I got a Facebook message from a cousin I’ve seen only twice in my entire life, a beautiful young woman, my mother’s grand-niece, I guess you’d call her. She expressed her condolences, said she’d read my blog and it made her cry. She’d been very fond of my mother.
Well, here it is, I thought. You took a risk, posting your blog link on a vanilla site. Now what?
She mentioned nothing of my blog’s content, asked no questions. But of course, the elephant was in the room. So I wrote back and told her that while I had no shame over my alter ego, I also had chosen not to broadcast it to family members, and she was the first relative (that I knew of, anyway) to find out.
Below, I have pasted excerpts of her reply to me.
Uh oh. I sent my mom and my uncle the link to your blog so they could read your tribute to your mom. My mom actually didn’t say anything, she just commented on your mom and talked about growing up, etc. She doesn’t care. Actually, she said she didn’t know you changed your name…that was it.
However, [her uncle] asked me if you were a porn star! Then he said he hasn’t seen you in like 30 years. He doesn’t care either. If you blogged about something that made you a bad person, or racism, killing people, abuse, etc, they may have something to say, but fetish?….no one cares.
….Regardless, I’m sorry I sent them your site. I didn’t even think twice about it because it was so not a big deal and we’re pretty open people and I knew they wouldn’t care.
Can you imagine my mixed reactions to this? On the one hand was “Oh, Christ. So now three relatives know about me?? Ugh!” And on the other was, “They don’t care. It’s not a big deal. I’m the only one making it a big deal.” I am not afraid; what have I to fear, really? But I feel a little creeped out. That is confusing, since I’m not sure why I feel that way. But I guess it’s a confusing situation.
She and I have had a couple of more exchanges since the one from above. Her last message to me, a long one, was all about family dynamics, relationships and memories — kink was not mentioned at all. She now lives back East with her fiancé, and if I ever want to visit, they’d love to have me. She ended by saying, “Families are crazy… but we’d love to connect/re-connect with you!”
Life sure is weird sometimes. I honestly don’t know what to make of this.
I don’t kid myself. I’ve lived all these years being cynical and dismissive of marriage and family, and I know I’m not going to do a 180 and morph into a family person. My experiences growing up were not positive and I have an innate mistrust for most blood relatives, which is kind of a shame, but I can’t help it. However… this lovely young woman seems like someone I’d like to know. I will do my best to remain open. I still don’t like that she, her mother and her uncle know my not-so-secret secret, but it is what it is. Not everyone who learns secrets uses them for malice. We hear of those ugly stories, but, like the evening news, the negative gets too much focus and therefore looms much larger in proportion than it really is.
Anyway… I am feeling a bit more like myself. I am eager to get back into some fun, and definitely some play. And speaking of fun kinky stuff, the beautiful Dana Kane has put up a website for her video productions, here. It is brand-new and a work in progress, so she is eager for feedback and suggestions. Have a look!
Have a great weekend, y’all.