Can you stand one more 50 Sheds of Hay post?
Say yes. I believe you’ll enjoy this one.
Bonnie-jo sent me a link to Haire of the Dog, a column written by Chris Haire of the Charleston City Paper. In this particular post, Haire claims he doesn’t have time to read the “50 Shades” trilogy, so he sought an audiobook version. What he found was a brilliant recording someone created, of “Fifty Shades of Grey” being read by renowned physicist Stephen Hawking. (I seriously doubt the real Hawking would waste his time with this nonsense, but the imitation is spot-on.)
Mr. Hawking, who can’t speak due to ALS, communicates through a synthesizer. Mr. Haire includes an excerpt, an actual portion of the dreck-fest (it sounds like a dialogue spoof, but it’s the real thing), in all its raunchy splendor, read in this synthesized voice. Go, read and listen here. Once again, remove all foodstuffs and liquids from the vicinity.
I’m telling y’all, I’m thinking more and more that I need to write my own crapfest sex book. If that’s what’s selling, I can do better than E.L. Jerkoff — my experiences are for real! I could fictionalize the past nearly two years of Monday sessions with ST, for example. I could be the mature and outwardly prim heroine Annabel Blue, who has a secret life. And into this life comes our hero, Christopher Black, who rocks her world with kinky adventures.
What would I call it? Say it with me, kids. “Black and Blue,” by E.L. Scott.