Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part 2
Some of you (and I think maybe ST himself) may be wondering why I seem to have assumed that he and I won’t be playing anymore, now that he’s met someone. Granted, it may look like I’m being sort of black-and-white, one extreme or the other. And there could very well be an in-between, down the line. I’m simply operating from past experience.
I’ve lost several play partners in the past due to new relationships. A lot of girlfriends simply don’t understand the dynamics of a spanking partnership, and I get that. Some are more open-minded and secure, certainly. Others, notsomuch. After having experienced an episode years ago where the (now former) girlfriend of a former play partner was jealous to the point of psychosis and made things so unpleasant for both of us that he dropped out of the scene and I damn near did too, I know just how bad it can get.
When I told John three weeks ago that ST had met someone, his reply was, “I’m sorry, sweetie… better start looking, now.” He’s been through it with me, so he knows. Although his viewpoint on this sort of situation is rather pragmatic. “What’s the big deal?” he says. “Men should explain it this way: that it’s like having a tennis partner. They get together with their tennis partner, play an intense game, and then part company. They don’t go out on a date afterward and they don’t go to bed together. It’s a separate activity.” OK, while I can see the logic of that, my beloved engineer boyfriend is not factoring in human emotions. It’s not that simple, even though it should be. A spanking playmate is not a tennis partner. The latter keeps all her clothes on. There is no physical contact with the latter.
So. I wait. And because my nature is such, I expect the worst, but hope for the best. The best being, of course, that ST will be joyously happy with this new relationship, and still be able to come visit me now and then. But I know that for now, the weekly visits are a thing of the past.
I will miss those, certainly. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see a playpal/friend with such regularity. When Craig and I were playing, it was periodic. And even when Danny and I were playing regularly, it was more like every other week — and toward the end in the months before he moved away, the times got fewer and farther in between. But ST has been as dependable as the sunrise. He was a solid presence, unflappable, even though my moods ran the gamut from week to week.
They say when a door closes, a window opens. But what happens when the door is still ajar, and you don’t know if it’s going to close, or open back up? What if someone opens the window while you’re looking at the door?
I met a man last week. Someone who knows all about John and ST. He is local with a fairly flexible schedule, and his polite intro email to me did everything right. What do you know — two face shots and no dick pics! Hallelujah! He doesn’t want to replace anyone or push his way into anything. Just wants to help me deal with what’s going on, and play when I’m ready. Seems like a very nice guy. Cute, too. 🙂
I did all the proper things, folks — believe me, I learned my lesson about that last year! (wincing) I met him publicly, we talked a long time, I got all the pertinent information. He offered to come over tomorrow afternoon, knowing it will be my first ST-less Monday in a long time, and I will be feeling an emptiness. He does not expect us to play; he just wants to talk some more, maybe watch some of my videos.
I’m not ready to play with someone else, not just yet. I’m in a weird transition mode, not knowing which way things will go, and he knows it. And yet, he still wants to see me. The idea of friendly company tomorrow sounds wonderful. But I just can’t play yet. I’d feel like I was hurriedly replacing ST, which I most certainly am not doing, because he’s irreplaceable. If/when I play with someone new, it must be because I want to play with HIM, not because I just need to grab onto whoever’s available. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
I need more friends, y’all. A lot of people have exited my life in the past year or so, for various reasons, and my world has narrowed. I have so many wonderful friends online; I love my readers, love my email mates. But it had gotten to the point where my only real-time contact with others (besides the gym and other day-to-day stuff) was with John on weekends, ST on Mondays. Maybe it’s time for me to be more open to new possibilities. Open those windows. And leave the door open as well.
So tomorrow, I will have company, a new friend. It will be fun. And I will think of my dear old friend and smile, because I know he’ll be having a fabulous time.