The voice of reason??
Believe it or not, those words have been used to describe me on more than one occasion. Me?? I dunno. On the one hand, I think I’m far too opinionated sometimes to be considered reasonable. But on the other, I detest arguing, and I know that the written media lack nuance, voice inflection and so forth, so I try for the most part to soften my harsher words and be tactful.
Unless, of course, I’m dealing with a complete fucktard. Then I don’t bother. 🙂
Social media can be wonderful. Sites such as Twitter, Facebook, FetLife, etc., keep us in touch with loved ones, connect us with new, like-minded friends and can be extremely validating. However, there are pitfalls. One of them is that rarely does a day go by when I don’t have an overwhelming urge to type, “Oh, shut UP, stupid” to some complete stranger.
I realize that scene preferences vary (understatement of the year, there) and that at times, people state their opinions as if they were facts. Not much can be done about that. But sometimes I see such drivel (yes, the word is drivel, not dribble, for @#$%’s sake), I cringe to think that newbies are reading it. This is when I feel the need to speak up.
On FetLife today, there was a thread where a male top posted about spanking parties. In a nutshell, he loves them, but his sub does not. She doesn’t like the idea of being spanked publicly; she thinks it’s an intimate activity. Perfectly reasonable. Said top stated that he realized he can’t force her to do it (good for him), but he wishes she would change her mind. He asked the forum’s bottoms for their own thoughts/experiences on parties and if their play preferences had changed after going to them.
He got many sensible replies. And then there was this:
Spanking is about humiliation so you should make do it with her legs apart so she has no privacy. If she feels bothered you should set an example by getting naked as well.
Way to be helpful, guy.
First, any time you hear or read anything that starts with “Spanking is about…,” stop listening from that point on. Blanket statements like those tend to pop out of the mouths of idiots. Spanking is about many things, to many different people, and you cannot speak for everyone (nor can you even imply that you’re doing so). Sure, we all have opinions, and yes, for some, spanking is about humiliation. Whenever I’m stating a preference, I try to make damn sure it is indeed stated as my own preference. For example, you’ve all heard me say, “Spanking, for me, is M/F.” For me, that is what computes in my kinky little brain. I’m not saying that’s what it is, period. That would be awfully presumptuous of me.
Second, you’re realllllly treading on dangerous ground when you advocate forcing your bottom to endure public humiliation. Um… limits? Negotiations? Newbies… if you ever come up against a top who wants to so blatantly ignore your fears or limits, listen to that inner voice we’re all blessed with and run, don’t walk.
Yeah, yeah, I know there’s that whole can of worms about D/s and protocols and how much power a dom has over a sub and all that. This question was about spanking parties, which are more generally about fun, not making your sub/bottom utterly miserable. So, to Mr. Humiliation/Spread Her Legs, I say oh, shut UP, jackass.
Thank you; I feel better now. 🙂
On a completely different note: Our friend and fellow blogger Poppy seems to have disappeared. Her blog is gone and so is her Twitter account. Do any of you know what’s going on with her?