Rant: You want to do WHAT to yourself??
OK, kids. It’s been a while since I posted anything controversial. Lest you think I’m mellowing in my advanced age, never fear. I have just as many “WTF???” moments as ever. And lately, I’ve had a few over some of the stuff people do to their bodies.
What in God’s name possesses people to do this to their earlobes? And this wasn’t even the largest hole I saw while perusing pictures. And if you think this is unattractive, you should see what the flesh looks like when you take the jewelry out. And you’re stuck with that. Forever. Unless you have some sort of elaborate cosmetic surgery to repair it.
Why stop there, people? Why not slit the earlobe vertically, pierce both pieces and hang little weights on each one? Then, after the earlobe pieces have stretched into strings, you can tie them together into a bow. How festive! You could paint them red at Christmas time. Or blue for Hanukkah, if you’re so inclined.
I’m also not going to touch on the spectrum of burning/branding/scarring. My mind can’t wrap about that and I don’t want to offend anyone. But there is a specific form of body alteration that I can’t comprehend to save my life, and it begs for a hearty “WTF????” It’s a form of penile mutilation, called subincision. Essentially, it’s a split dick. The underside of the penis is split lengthwise. Deliberately.
I will spare you the photos of that. But I’ve seen one, up close and personal. It was at a BDSM party (naturally), and a young man in attendance was fully naked. The first thing one noticed about him was the multiple piercings, everywhere. All over his face, several on his ears, his nipples, his genitalia. The guy had more metal on him than a Kay Jewelers. But when he showed us his subincision, I damn near ran from the room.
“Oh, my god,” I hissed to John. “How… why? How does he pee??”
“Sitting down,” John replied. I will never forget that image. And I can’t help but wonder what happens when this guy gets a little older and regrets his youthful folly. Sure, all his piercings will heal if he wants. But that split dick is forever.
Earlier this week, I saw a funny e-card that read: “The newest rising trend is anal bleaching. Good idea, since some assholes really need to lighten up.” I laughed. Then thought, “Wait a minute. Anal bleaching? WTF??”
So I Googled it, and sure enough, it’s real. They actually do it in salons. It started out as a porn star thing, but it’s not just for porn stars anymore.
Who the hell even thinks about stuff like this?? WHY? I mean, has a woman ever been rejected because her back door is the wrong hue? Maybe in an HBO version of Seinfeld:
Jerry: Betty Jean is really hot, but I’m gonna have to dump her.
Jerry: Well, ya know, it’s her a$$hole. It’s too dark.
George. Oh. Yeah. Hate the dark a$$hole.
I also read further about the damage that can be inflicted upon that oh-so-tender tissue if the procedure is done improperly. Yeah, don’t try this at home with a mirror and a bottle of Clorox.
Better yet, don’t do it at all. Just say no to ass bleach.
Yeah, I suppose I’ve offended some body modifiers, and I regret that. But I really do wish some of the extremists would think very carefully about how permanent these alterations are. You have one body, and you have to live in it the rest of your days. It’s your house, not your amusement park.
Rant over. Have a great weekend, y’all. OH! And happiest of birthdays to our very own Wolfie! 😀