Bit of a rant: Predators
No, I’m not talking about child molesters. I’m not talking about people in the scene who troll for vulnerable newbies and try to exploit them.
I’m talking about women in the scene who want what another woman has, and endeavor to take it away. Not share it, but usurp it completely.
I know a lot of my readers won’t necessarily relate to this post, because they play with their spouses/mates only and don’t have the added complication of other partners. But for those who do, I’m sure something in this will resonate.
I’ve lost count of how many play partners I’ve lost over the years, because women came into their lives who didn’t want them to have any sort of involvement with me. And every time this happened, it didn’t exactly work wonders for my already fragile self-esteem — I felt completely dispensable. I’ve had the same experience with John and femdoms. I know he enjoys bottoming, and I certainly can’t do that for him, so I’m happy to share him with a woman who can. But it’s never enough — they don’t want to share him. They want to take him away from me. One of them nearly succeeded. Nearly. Fortunately, we worked past that, and she’s history. I never met her, but if I did, I’d bitch-slap her all the way to the moon. She actually had the nerve to say to John, “I’m so pissed off that you chose Erica over me.”
You know what? I’m fucking sick of it.
What set this off? A woman on FetLife, who met Steve at a play party and then proceeded to launch herself at him, was all over him like white on rice on Fet, so obviously trying to lay claim to him. She certainly didn’t make any attempt to befriend me, even though she knew Steve and I are play partners. I don’t want to delve into the details, but let’s just say it was ridiculously obvious what she wanted.
And last week, I went off the deep end, emotionally. I felt threatened. Not because he played with her; I don’t care about that. I don’t own him, and he is far too good a top to keep all to myself. It was because I thought I’d lose him to her. She’s into way more than I am, kink-wise, and I thought he’d find her more interesting, more stimulating, more everything. And she was so clearly playing that up. The show on FetLife was, I really do believe, for my benefit. And it worked.
But I underestimated Steve. I forgot about his loyalty to our partnership, to me. I forgot that he has told me, time and again, that any woman who enters his life will have to accept my presence in it as well.
(Only one other play partner has said that to me, in all these years, and that was Danny, bless his heart. And I didn’t lose him to another woman; I lost him because he had to move away. It wasn’t personal.)
We talked it out last Monday; I hadn’t acted out on any of my feelings, thank goodness, but had kept them all inside until they swelled like a malignant tumor. I know I was ridiculous, but dammit, this had happened to me too many times. He reassured me, sweetly and firmly. That was when I wept copious tears and welcomed the pain. It delivered me from that miserable insecure place.
Anyway — some of you ladies out there, and you know who you are — learn how to share, OK? Learn how to play nice. If this woman had played nice with me, we could be buddies now, giggling about Steve and how he says “there you go” every five seconds. 😉 But no. She had to go the predatory route and enter a competition with me. Well, she chose the wrong man this time. He may play with her, but she can’t touch what he has with me. Today, she posted yet another picture of their play, mentioning his name not once, but twice in the caption. (“Look, look, look who I’m playing with!”) I just laughed. Knock yourself out, sweet cheeks.
Be forewarned. I’m not going to be a passive, weepy rejectee anymore. You screw with me and this kitty is going to scratch. Me-OWWWWWW.
Have a great weekend, y’all.