New video, and the age-old question
The last of the four clips I shot with Lily Starr and Robert Wolf is out! It’s called “The Secret Life of the Kinky Wife”; Robert and I play husband and wife, married for just under a year, and I have kept my spanking fetish a secret from him. One night, he catches me in a lie — instead of being on a Girls’ Night Out, I’m actually meeting with my play partner of 10 years. Robert discovers my stash of spanking toys and magazines, and the videos and photos on my computer, and confronts me when I get home.
I am really proud of this film. Aside from the general plot plus a couple of key lines, Robert and I completely winged it, playing off each other and our combined knowledge of the scene, instinctively covering many of the points that would arise in a situation like this. He is understandably hurt and upset with me, and I’m desperately trying to explain to him that it’s not what he thinks, that this is a part of myself that I kept hidden because I was afraid he’d judge and reject me.
And of course, there’s plenty of hot spanking too, since he decides to give me a lot more of what I’ve already gotten that night from my playmate.
There is plenty of discussion throughout, covering salient points such as technique, warm-up and aftercare, and not spanking in anger. As the scene progresses, Robert slowly comes around to understanding, and I realize I’ve done him an injustice and apologize sincerely.
It’s a nice length too — 20 minutes. To read more, go here.
And so, the question persists: Just what does one do in this type of situation, where one half of a partnership is kinked and the other is not? How do you tell your mate? Do you tell your mate? Granted, our little scenario had a good outcome, but reality isn’t always that tidy.
I’m not going to ask the question, “Can you convert a vanilla partner?” I already know my opinion about that, and my answer is no, not really. I believe an open-minded partner can learn to please the kinked one, or at least accept what they do and let them fulfill it elsewhere. But unless someone has the kink themselves, has that wiring, knows that urge and need, I don’t believe they’ll ever fully understand. They get kudos for trying, for going through the motions, but it won’t be the same as playing with another fully wired kinko. Just my opinion; yours may vary.
My question is: Do you know of others who have been in this situation? Have you yourself? What did you choose to do about it? And did it work for you, or the people you know? Everyone has a different story to tell.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no Steve this week. His son is visiting and he’s extremely busy with work and with home issues.
You know, I am very happy my top has a full life. I love that he’s a caring father, a responsible worker, etc. — all things I admire in a man. So is it terrible of me to say that sometimes I wish he had just a teeny bit less of a life? (sigh) I feel so disconnected when I don’t get to see him. When we spoke on Friday, he said, “Thank you for being so understanding.” Really, what else would I do? Pitch a fit? Demand his time? That would make me a pretty damn sucky play partner, more stress than fun, and I don’t want that. So I deal. But I’m still sad. Can’t help it.
One day at a time. He’ll be back.