Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

An open letter to those who find me threatening

OK, kids. You know the story. You’ve heard me lament about it a bazillion times over the years — losing my beloved tops/spanking partners when they become involved with women who do not accept my existence. It didn’t just happen with ST last year; overall, it’s happened about half a dozen times. I’ve always had things I wished I could say to these women, the ones who find me oh-so threatening, but I never had the chance. Now, you may recall I have yet another who wishes I could be banished from my top’s life. Or from the planet, for good measure. (readΒ here)

Granted, it seems that Steve isn’t going to roll over and allow another to dictate with whom he can or cannot play. However, this is getting tiresome nonetheless. So I thought perhaps it was time to craft a form letter, so every time this happens, I could simply whip it out, change the name and have my say. Here goes my rough draft.

“Dear [insert name here],

I don’t need to introduce myself; you already know who I am. [Insert name] and I have been spanking partners for [insert amount of time] now, and he and I share a special friendship and bond. However, I really can’t understand why you find my presence in his life to be such a threat. I am not his girlfriend, I am not his lover. I have my own boyfriend of many years whom I love very much. Your resentment of me is quite baseless, for many reasons:

1. I am possibly the least threatening female you will ever meet. I have no desire to take what doesn’t belong to me, or to ruin anyone’s relationship. I only wish to keep what I have — my spanking friend and trusted confidante.

2. The odds are that I’m older than you. And, since we’ve been chosen by the same man (for different reasons), chances are my looks/figure/intelligence/what-have-you are on a par with yours. In other words, I am not some femme fataleΒ out to steal your man.

3. There are females out there who dislike other women and have no regard for their feelings. I am hardly one of those. I love my girlfriends and am very loyal to them, and I have never endeavored to be the type of woman whom other women hate. If you would be friendly with me instead of adversarial, I would be very solicitous of your concerns.

And now, [insert name], here’s the part where I’m going to get just a wee bit bitchy, mmmkay? Ready?

You get to see him nearly any day you wish. You are interwoven with his life; you will meet his friends, his family, his kids if he has any. You can go anywhere with him in public, and if you are kinked as well, you can attend scene events with him, as well as all the everyday vanilla events too. You can spend entire weekends with him, go away with him. And last, but certainly not least, you get to have sex with him.

Me? I get to see him for a couple of hours, one day a week. Sometimes not even that often; many things can interfere with our session time, including work, family issues, holidays, illness, etc. He spanks me, soothes me, and then he leaves until the next time. Not much to ask for, really. And yet, you would begrudge me even this, because you can’t stand to have him give anything to anyone else but you.

Shame on you. And how sad. Beneath my hurt and bewilderment, I can almost feel sorry for you. Because living with that degree of insecurity has to be pretty damned unpleasant.

But take heart, dear. Not all of the time, mind you, but much of the time, of the two of us, I am the most dispensable. So I offer you this bit of advice; be as charming and pleasant as you can be. Save your true colors for later; don’t go all jealous psycho-bitch on him until after I’ve been dispatched and am out of the picture. That way, he’ll probably figure he might as well stick around, since his options have been eliminated. Oh, and make damn sure that your sexual skills are superlative. You’re gonna need them. πŸ™‚

Sincerely yours,
Erica Scott”

What do y’all think? Chances are, I’ll end up deleting this. But it sure felt damn good to write it. πŸ˜€

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19 thoughts on “An open letter to those who find me threatening

  1. What I think is that …
    this is a brave way to express your feelings, including some vulnerabilities.
    this being an open letter may, of course, well shape the dynamics.
    argument # 2 is not entirely convincing.

    Hope all this is over soon. Best.


  2. “mmmkay” ALWAYS kicks my laugh-o-meter into high gear!

    But seriously you expressed heartfelt and likely very common feelings that other people in a similar position probably feel but may not have the courage to express like you did.

    I prefer to form bonds with other women rather than tear them down. Sometimes ones who unjustifiably behave badly towards other women have been deeply hurt or traumatized at some point and act very possessive or territorial over what they consider “theirs”. Other simply ARE cutthroat bitches and DO deserve to lose “their” partners whenever they behave in hostile, jealous or very hateful ways. Maybe this letter can help those with any of those tendencies to recheck the nasty attitudes before it's too late.

    GOOOOOOOO TEAM ERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  3. GO ERICA VERY WELL SAID πŸ™‚ I am so tired of jealous selfish idiots,I wish they would leave you . alone you are NOT a threat to anyone 😦 These stupid women are just jealous because you are BEAUTIFUL and they are NOT. Wishing you the best. I got your back ALWAYS. Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade


  4. Erica,

    It is so difficult to find a play partner who has just the right chemistry. I have read your posts for a long time and have seen play partners leave and the anxiety it causes you. It really sucks.

    I agree with everything you said in your letter. I hope it helped you air out your feelings.

    Fortunately, you have John for support.

    Big Hug,


  5. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica, you said it ALL. I am sure you are glad that you got some of the frustrations you have had boiled up in you heart, out of the way. I hope it satisfies you, and it works. I also hope that those BITCH's who are annoying you, read your blog. XXX Luv ya.


  6. Anonymous on said:

    I;m so sorry that this one-sided “competition” still persists with her. Please don't let it get to you. I think Steve realizes he is fortunate to have you in his life, even if it is only for a couple hours/week. Dispensable? Not you, not even for a minute.



  7. Anonymous on said:

    Who would find you threatening? Why? You are intelligent, sweet, fun-loving and compassionate. What am I missing here? We've met a few times but have never had the pleasure of…pleasure. Don't think it would ever happen (geography) but I am absolutely sure we'd have a great session. We have the same acerbic sense of humor and perspective.


  8. MrJ — #2 wasn't meant to put myself down; it's simply fact. In every case where this is happened, I've been older than the woman in question, and certainly not more attractive. Just trying to say I'm not some freaking soap-opera vixen out to poach on other women's men, y'know?

    Kelly — Team Erica? LOL! Honestly, I don't think it's courage, but thank you. It's more a case of fed-up-ness.

    Jade — thank you, sweetie.

    joey — yes, it is very hard. That's why it's so damn painful to lose them, and for such an unnecessary reason. Big hug back.

    Six — nah… the people who need to read these things never do. But it's OK. I got to say it. Gotta love America! πŸ™‚

    Pam — well, you know, not ME personally, but play partner vs girlfriend. Sadly, the former is usually the first to go when a choice has to be made.

    Anonymous — hell if I know. Insecurity breeds some strange monsters. I know I have to keep my own at bay. Thanks. πŸ™‚


  9. Oh please don't delete this, Erica. It's always about time that somebody said something about something, and you were the person who needed to say this now.

    There are lots of folks who could use this lesson in understanding that spanking is not sex. It's intimate, it's bonding, it's friend-building and amazing….but still not sex. There's no threat to anyone's relationship from your (spanking) friendship; those perceived threats are there already and will continue to come up over and over again in relationships where one or more partners does not feel confident in either themselves or their relationship.

    Oh, and you rock.


    PS. I'll be looking forward to watching my partner spank you relentlessly (hopefully while your partner looks on approvingly) soon. Ain't being evolved fun?


  10. Dana — you know I have loved you from the minute you first let your partner come over here and be villainous with me! πŸ˜€ I can't wait to see you guys. Oh, and John will be cheering him on (silently).

    Yes, being evolved is fun. More people should try it.


  11. I've only recently come across your blog, but I really wanted to comment on this post. I feel like I'm in a slightly similar situation to you at the moment. My long term partner has recently moved his new submissive in with him.

    It's easy to feel a little pushed out as she is much more available. Fortunately I don't believe that she is trying to push me out (though I do think she is somewhat threatened by me), but at this point I am just having to keep in control of my emotions and trust my partner.

    It's hard being non-monogomous at times, but as both you and Dana say, the rewards are great fun. I hope your situation resolves with minimal fuss and drama.


  12. KPG — welcome! These poly situations can be tough — a LOT of communication and security need to be in place. I'm telling myself this as much as I'm telling you — yes, put your faith in your partner. You were there first. You are the Alpha. What he does with the new sub doesn't affect his feelings for you.

    I know I'm just dealing with my partner casually dating someone; I'd be struggling too, if she moved in with him, given her blatant animosity for me. So I send you many good thoughts!


  13. Nice venting….you are who you are and I for one, love you and your honesty and candor and blog.



  14. Ron — thanks. I've reached my “enough is enough” point, you know?


  15. I sincerely did not think you were putting yourself down, and I did understand what you were saying. But I do not believe in the standard norms you were implying. I do believe that you are not a threat, just because being so would be beyond your scope of actin g.


  16. Love the letter, I hope you try it some day!


  17. Tara — welcome to my blog! Well… you know, I think this is one of those things I'll never send. But it's certainly fun to think about it. πŸ™‚


  18. I love it! Great letter. I think we all feel jealousy at times. I've certainly struggled with it more than ever before in my current relationship. Feelings are often not rational or logical. They are feelings. It is how we express and choose to handle them that matters. I hope this other woman can get things figured out in her own mind and express hers better in the future.


  19. Lea — exactly. I'm no stranger to insecurity. But I don't try to wreck what others have in order to make myself feel better. We're supposed to be mature adults here, y'know?


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