… how I love you. And how you annoy the crap out of me sometimes.
(Warning: this is one long-ass post. Pull up a comfortable chair and grab a refreshing beverage.)
FetLife — the kinky person’s Facebook. Our cyber community, where pretty much everything (except for activity with children or animals) is allowed. The place is huge and circuitous, with many places to go and many people to meet. It can be the happiest place in your world… and it can also be a viper pit.
One big adult amusement park is our FetLife. It has ups and downs like a roller coaster. One day, you’ll feel like you’re in the Tunnel of Love. (And no, that is not a vaginal reference. Get your minds out of the gutter.) On another day, you may feel like you stumbled into the House of Horrors.
What do I love about FetLife? So much. The support, the validation, the sense of belonging. The camaraderie and banter, the various postings that can range from silly and bratty to poignant. The tsunami of interaction before, during and after a big event. And the great potential for kindness, as I saw last week.
Earlier last week, someone tweeted a rather insensitive and insulting comment about one of my pictures, which I’d posted both on my blog and on FL. It really threw me, to say the least — this person hit me where I live. I nearly bought into it, too; I found myself looking at the picture and saying to myself, “What was I thinking, posting this? I look horrible!” I posted what had been written to me on the FetLife version of my photo. Then I almost took it down.
Until the reactions started flooding in. The massive amount of comments, wall posts, and even private messages, telling me I looked great, don’t listen to this person, who says things like that anyway, etc. We love you, Erica.
Wow. I left the photo in place, and thanked everyone. I was so touched. People who knew me, people who didn’t know me in person… it didn’t matter. They all rallied to assuage my hurt feelings.
Last week, “DrLectr” started a new group called “Nice RAK: Random Acts of Kindness.” I feel like I’ve been the recipient of many of these. Just last night, I had logged on and was catching up on the weekend’s posts. I was feeling kind of blech, but I hadn’t posted anything to that effect. Then, out of nowhere, Prux posted a hug on my wall. How did she know?? That simple gesture of sweetness turned my evening around.
So yes, FetLife can be a haven and a joy. Sometimes.
Then you have posts like last Friday. You all know the ongoing controversy: “Dick pics, yes or no?” Apparently, one woman likes them, and thoroughly dislikes anyone who disagrees with her. She posted a bit of a rant, starting out by saying she’s sick of seeing women bitch and whine about dick pics, and how they should shut the fuck up and stop being “inconsiderate twats.”
Well. Any point she could have made for her argument was lost, as far as I was concerned, with that combative attitude. However, that post took off like a firestorm. As of this writing, it has 2922 “loves” and a whopping 951 comments.
I am not going to debate this damned subject again. I don’t like it when men have dick pics as their main avatar. Why? It has nothing to do whether or not I like the appendage. I happen to like them. But not particularly the ones on random strangers. And if I friend a man on FetLife whose avatar is a dick pic, that means every time he communicates with me, or every time he posts anything, his dick is in my feed. No, thank you. So I clearly state in my profile that I’m sorry, but I will not friend men with that particular avatar. I don’t introduce myself with my snatch, and I’m not interested in men introducing themselves to me in that manner. “Hi, I’m so-and-so, and this is my cock.”
Anyway… I did not read all those comments, but I scanned quite a few. They were surprising. A few people had the stones to disagree with the OP (Original Poster). Others sort of agreed, but took a milder stance. But the majority of the replies? As militant and angry as the OP. “Hear, hear!” “Yeah!” “They really do need to STFU!” “Enough with the male-bashing!” (Never mind that the OP was bashing certain women, but I guess that’s OK??) “I love cock!” One charming gentleman stated that the only way to handle a woman who complains about said photos is to ram a dick down her throat until all she can do is gag and drool. Oooooh, classy.
And then there was this.
Most women who are on this fetish site and state they hate looking at profiles with dick pics, do so mainly to send a message for other women that they are bisexual and interested in women.
Are you @#$%ing kidding me? There are people who actually believe this? If I’d been drinking something, I would have spewed it onto the screen. The sheer ignorance of this statement made my brain explode.
OK, I’m not going to speak for the masses, just for myself. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual, but that’s one hell of an assumption, pal. Guess what? I’m straight. I happen to love men’s bodies, and I love women’s bodies too, even though I’m not sexually drawn to them. I do not hate dicks. I think a lover’s erect penis is a beautiful thing. There, I said it. But note the lover. Not some disembodied stranger.
I like to put “loves” on many pictures on FetLife. I have loved photos of men’s fit and sculpted bodies. I have also loved photos of some women’s nude bodies, because I found them artistic and aesthetically pleasing. However, I have never “loved” a man’s dick pic. Does that make me a prude? Or a male-basher? News flash — I’ve never “loved” a twat shot, either. Or a “take a ride up Anal Alley” shot, for that matter. If I wanted to look at a#$holes all day, I’d go to medical school and study proctology.
So yes. Bodies, lovely. Genitalia? Not my thing. That doesn’t make me a bad person, or a person who needs to shut the fuck up. It’s not like I’m going on these people’s profiles and pictures and posting, “Ewwwww, I don’t want to see that.” But I’m entitled to my opinion and my preferences. So you shut the fuck up, OP.
As for the bashing accusation — saying I don’t like dick pics is not male bashing. My own brand of “bashing” is unisex. I unleash my snark only when someone is rude to me or gets in my face. And it doesn’t matter what gender they are.
Yeah, FetLife. Some days, I wish I could quit you. Some days, you show me the seedy underbelly of the scene, the rotten sides of human nature. But then again, vanilla sites aren’t much better when it comes to ignorance, bigotry and mean-spirited crap. And I can’t find real connection on vanilla sites; people who truly get me and accept me. So I’ll be sticking around good old FetLife, despite my days of disillusionment and frustration. Because the people I love on there go a long way in making up for the BS.
Oh, and to those who feel the need to post unkind remarks to people’s pictures and videos, to rain on their parade? Just remember this:
Soooo, bye now. I’d say don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, but, truth be told, I’d enjoy seeing that. 🙂