Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Helpful Comments 101

I swear, there needs to be a course on this for some people. Because so many out there wouldn’t know how to say something properly empathetic if the words appeared on a teleprompter in front of them.

Mind you, I’m really, really appreciative of the kind things people said to me when I was stressed out and unhappy. Yes, I know I was dealing with “first-world problems” — no one died, no one was hurt or sick, there wasn’t a natural disaster, etc. But I was still hurting. For those who said stuff like, “I’m sorry you feel bad,” or “I hope you get to see Steve soon” or “hang in there, things will get better,” etc., or just sent a virtual hug, thank you. 🙂

But a few others… oy. Some of the stuff people wrote to me in the last few weeks would have made me laugh out loud if I hadn’t been so damn depressed.

So, as a public service, here are a few suggestions of things not to say when a spanko is missing her special top:

1. “I’d spank you if I lived closer.”

First — well, you don’t, so that solves nothing. And second — if I actually know you and have played with you, thanks. But if we’ve never even met in person, that’s kinda presumptuous of you.

2. “You could have spankers lining up outside your door if you wanted.”

Uh… no, not really, although I’m flattered that you think so. But why on earth would I want that, anyway? Haven’t I said umpteen times that I prefer quality over quantity? I’d rather have one Rolex than a dozen Timexes.

3. “I’d be happy to be his substitute for a while.”

Did I ask for a substitute? No, I did not. You know why? Because I don’t want a freaking substitute. Once again, the implication is that tops/spankers are interchangeable and generic, and one will do just as well as another. Perhaps for some, but not for me. If I’m craving lobster, I’m not going to be happy with canned tuna. There’s nothing wrong with canned tuna, and maybe I’ll get some basic nutritional value out of it, but I sure as hell won’t enjoy or savor it.

Yeah, I know. I use a lot of metaphors. I’ll stop now.

My personal favorite:

4. “Too bad you don’t switch. You could spank me and get rid of some of that tension.”

Really? This is supposed to be helpful how, exactly? And since you’re going for the ridiculous, use some imagination next time. Maybe something like, “Too bad the moon isn’t made of cheese. We could all fly up there and have a big fondue party.”

Yes, the Queen of Snark has returned. Miss me? 

My butt and upper thighs look like I was hit by a bus. They feel like it, too. It’s most fortunate that I like that sort of thing, huh?

Looking forward to tomorrow night with my sweetie. Have a great weekend, y’all. 🙂

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17 thoughts on “Helpful Comments 101

  1. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica on a different subject matter. My senior center that I belong to here in New York, went to see the Cole Porter musical “Kiss Me Kate”. Of course it included the famous 'spanking scene'. When it was over I cheered the LOUDEST. I wonder how many people in our group realized that I was a 'spanko'. XXX Luv ya


  2. Bwahahaha! Let's all go to the moon!!


  3. Erica,

    I am glad snarky you is back.

    Wow. Those are incredible marks.



  4. Six — always fun to see that scene, isn't it?

    Sarah — right? Geez, if you're going to suggest something completely impossible, make it good. 🙂

    joey — the thighs are just from his hand! I couldn't believe it.


  5. A personal fave I've seen splashed over Fetlife at times is a “woe is me” comment like “At least you HAVE people who want to spank you. I can't find ANYONE to do it.”
    Surprisingly I lack compassion for those posters. They tend to annoy me-like the person's trying to outdo the original post with “who has it worse.” LOL!


  6. Kelly — oh, I can't stand that. It's a kind of one-upsmanship. “You think YOU have problems? Well, I…” Or the ones who try to shame you into feeling bad about feeling bad, reminding you of how really dreadful some people's lives are. I think Anne Frank said it best: “How is thinking of other people's misery supposed to help when you're already miserable?” I'm not that eloquent — I just want to say STFU. 🙂


  7. Hi Erica — I am so happy that the Queen of Snark is back 🙂 I missed her ❤ I totally agree with you on everything you wrote.I hate it when people write STUPID comments, I just like to say to them STFU LOL.Your thighs look AMAZING 🙂 Wishing you and John a GREAT weekend.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade


  8. Jade — thanks, dear.


  9. Hi Erica, I'm one of your lurkers. I think a lot of these people who make such inappropriate comments are mixing up sex and love. They think of the desire to be spanked as like a hunger that can be quenched by anyone or anything rather than an act of love that you share with the person that is most special to you. I didn't comment on your last, since deleted, post but I also wanted to say on that, that what you were showing was love in its truest sense in that you hid your own pain in order to make the day special for someone else. We cannot help, particularly if you like I suffer from depression, but we can choose what we do and you chose with love in your heart whatever was also flying around your head. All the best, Tim x


  10. I find that when people make “helpful” comments they are often being extremely presumptuous. They don't really know me or understand what I am feeling. Their comments tend to annoy me and leave me cold.

    I, too, am glad that you are feeling better and have had your sense of levity restored to you.


  11. Yeah..! Greast co-incidence!
    It would have been SO much different if you 'd not.


  12. Tim — welcome to you. Good point; I guess people who think any warm body will do, also think any warm hand will do. So not true. Thank you.

    Dana — I know, in some cases, they do mean well, and it's a matter of simple cluelessness. Still kind of annoying, though. Simplicity is key, I think. “I'm sorry you're sad/hurting/whatever” goes a long way.

    MrJ — agreed.


  13. Wow, they are impressive marks indeed. Ones that I would treasure also. Any marks or tenderness that last a few days always remind me of that connection I feel when my wife spanks me.
    Although both spanker and spankee have to be in the right frame of mind to truly connect as my last spanking testifies. The kind of spanking you enjoyed, Erica, is the kind of spanking I crave almost 24/7 and when the dots are all connected so to speak, those kind of spankings transport you to another world that I guess a lot of spankees, this one included, wish they could stay on forever.

    And while for me spanking is a sexual turn on, I can, and do, enjoy them with out sex as the timing isn't right. The sex comes later and I am always very grateful for what she does for me.

    And yes, wouldn't it be great if the people who don't get it would show a lot more sense and respect?



  14. Edgar — I have often said that I wish I could bottle that post-spanking feeling. It never lasts long enough.


  15. Erica,
    Great post and thank you for sharing.


  16. Hi, now you are on BDSM Photos!. Invite you to share your original content to our social BDSM site.



  17. Oof. Some people really don't know what to say in moments like that. Perhaps it'd be best if they said nothing at all.


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