This post was inspired by something a friend put up on FetLife a few weeks ago: A list of “non-impact punishments.” In other words, for those who love spanking and other impact play so much that it can’t be considered disciplinary, these are alternatives.
We’ve all heard of these. Some of the more familiar non-impact punishments are writing lines, corner time, grounding/withdrawing privileges, soap in the mouth, figging (shudder). Mind you, I’m not into the punishment thing. I like the pretense of it, but I know I’m not kidding anyone; I love spanking and everything to do with it, not true punishment. Just the idea of some of these things really pisses me off! Anyone who comes near me with a bar of soap will be blowing bubbles out their ass. Bedtime?? Bite me. And if you even think about using that ginger for anything except that yummy chicken/snow pea stir-fry, you’re history.
However, I had to giggle at the creativity of my friend’s list. A lot of it was tongue-in-cheek, with suggestions like “wet willies” and “take away one of her shoes and make her walk around for a while.” But one in particular brought back a hilarious memory.
“Have them learn a song and sing it in front of you (or in front of like-minded friends.”
(Some of you have heard this story before; I believe I posted it way back on my old MSN forum. My apologies.)
A few years back, I was playing with a rather creative top, who (besides being a formidable spanker who could make me say “mercy” with his hand alone) had some very persuasive methods of getting his way. As a result, he and I often engaged in a public battle of wills on my message board. The payback for my pranks was intense, but always worth it.
Very long story short, because of a comment someone else made to him about being a “weenie,” his nickname on my forum became “wiener boy.” Or “Oscar Mayer.” I (and a couple of other women on the forum) tormented him with this. I even found a photo of a pair of men’s briefs, decorated with little hot dogs, and posted it, claiming that’s what he wore. (I tried to find that photo again but couldn’t, dammit.) He swore vengeance, but I just laughed.
Cut to the upcoming Shadow Lane party. A couple of weeks prior, I got an email from him, entitled Instructions. Opening it, I discovered there was an attachment, along with directions. I was to learn this song by heart, and sing it to him at the party. When I opened the attachment, I damn near died.
It was the lyrics to the “Oscar Mayer Wiener” theme song.
In Spanish. Holy frijoles.
He went on to say that I wouldn’t have to sing it in front of anyone else, just him in private, but he’d be spanking me the whole time, so I’d better damn well learn it correctly.
“What happens if I don’t?” I typed in my reply email.
His terse response: “You won’t like it.”
Ugh. I wasn’t about to test him. I knew how hard he could play. So I printed out those stupid lyrics and practiced them, over and over until I had them committed to memory. Still, I brought the sheet with me to Shadow Lane so I could refer to them, just to be sure. I had John test me. Of course, he thought this was hysterical.
My friend kept his word about not making me sing it publicly, and on Sunday night (after I stewed about it all weekend), he had me come to his room. He set me up over his lap on the bed, surrounded by implements, and started spanking. “OK, let’s hear it,” he commanded.
Mind you, it was the end of a party weekend, and I was sore as hell. It was very difficult to recall — let alone sing — that damn song with pain exploding across every brain cell. But sing it I did. Without muffing a single word.
“I’m impressed!” he marveled, pausing in his flurries. “That was perfect! I almost hate to keep punishing you, since you did that so well.”
Of course, the key word was almost.
“Sorry, this needs to go on a bit longer,” he then said, starting up again. “Sing something else. Sing a Beatles song.” He knew that was my favorite band, as it was his as well.
Thought he had me there, the big jerk! But I showed him. A Beatles song, huh? OK. He didn’t specify which one, so I chose “Her Majesty.” Which just happens to be 30 seconds long.
As I sputtered out “gottagetabellyfullofwine,” I’m sure it was even shorter than 30 seconds.
He laughed. He’d been had, and he knew it. So he stopped. In my state of extreme soreness, I was deeply grateful for his good sportsmanship. 😀
(And the joke was on him, double — anyone who has to listen to me sing is the one being punished!!)
Anyone else have any stories of extra creative spankings/punishments?