What’s an introverted spanko to do?
So, for the first time in quite a while, I saw my therapist last week. We go back a long way (I met her in 1991) and she knows me better than anyone, I think. Maybe even better than John, although that’s a toss-up.
Anyway, she suggested that I need to broaden my support systems and develop some more local friends. Are there any groups I could join, perhaps a writer’s group? I told her that at this stage of my life, I’m really not interested in any sort of vanilla gatherings. I need to be around people with whom I can be myself, not keeping a huge portion of my life and psyche under wraps. So of course, it seems the answer is to find more local spankos, and a local spanking group, right?
Yeah. Easier said than done.
I’m working on it, kids. Really. But when you’re a natural introvert and reaching out isn’t your forte, it’s a lot easier to sit back, watch others, and wish things would happen, rather than making them happen.
Everything thinks that L.A. is one of the kink capitals of the country. Sure, there’s lots of kink. Lots of BDSM, several dungeons. But spanking groups? Notsomuch.
Oh, there is one that calls itself a spanking group. They have parties once a month, and munches. Perfect, right? Where are those parties? At a freaking BDSM dungeon! I have checked out the group many times on FetLife, and the people who go to the parties. Sir this, Master that, subs and slaves. Some spankos go, but more and more, they seem to be the minority. And I cannot stand the venue; too many icky memories of grotesque scenes and people I saw when we used to play there. And way too much Uber-Dom attitude. Plus, even if more spanking friends went and I was inclined to give it a try, for reasons I don’t care to go into here, I don’t think I’d be welcome among the inner circle. So that’s out.
This will sound bizarre, but I find myself wishing that we lived closer to Indiana. Why? Because Joe (DrLectr) and his lovely Ten live there, and run the Hammond House of Hedonism. They have frequent spanking parties in their home, with not only a nice tight local group, but other friends coming from all over. I read about their gatherings and yearn to be there. So easy, so comfortable — just go, kick back, laugh, have fun. No stress. No drama. No expenses, except maybe contributing food/drink. And real spanking enthusiasts, people I adore — not heavy BDSMers dabbling in spanking, all the while yearning to tie up and suspend the bottom, stick a ball gag in her mouth or a hook up her ass, or drip wax all over her. Not saying there’s anything wrong with that; to each their own. But it’s not what I’m into, and it’s not what I see at Shadow Lane or any of the other spanko gatherings. And I need to keep it that way, for my own comfort zone.
Fortunately, we get to see Joe, Ten and a bunch of our other friends next month, when we attend a private gathering in Vegas. But that, and Shadow Lane, is the extent of our connection with spanking friends en masse. Twice a year doesn’t cut it. It leaves me in a constant state of yearning and FOMO.
I love what I have with Steve, my wonderful top. But I miss the companionship and camaraderie sometimes. I miss the sisterhood. I miss the ease of having friends where we can drop in and play. Where seeing like-minded people doesn’t involve major effort, expense, planning, and John having to ask for time off.
So… my assignment is to suss out the hidden spankos in So. CA. The ones who get me, with whom I can connect and relate. And who will understand that I don’t do well with initiating plans and so forth, but will gently nudge me and coax me out of my walls.
Sure, in a perfect world, I could fly to every gathering out there, but we know that’s not happening. And the damned 21st century still stubbornly refuses to invent teleportation. Therefore, I need to make my own local connections, somehow.
Just not sure how, at this point. But it’s a goal.