A little something I posted on FetLife
What’s good enough for FetLife is certainly good enough for my blog, no? Most of my readers already know this about me — I hate being called names. Please don’t misunderstand me here; I am NOT putting down those who fetishize/eroticize certain words I consider degrading. My beef is with people (men, in my case) who assume it’s OK to use those words without talking about them with someone first.
So here goes:
Do. Not. Call Me Names.
OK, guys. Here’s the deal. I’m not naive; I’m fully aware there are many female fetish enthusiasts out there who get off on humiliation, degradation, being called unflattering names. Fine. If that’s what they like, that’s what they like.
I, however, don’t happen to be one of them. And I’m not alone. So don’t even think about calling a woman an ugly name unless you are damn sure that she wants you to. Because, along with poor technique, the wrong words can kill a scene as well.
Years ago, John and I tried playing with a couple at a dungeon. He and the woman hit it off well, no pun intended. The man and me? Notsomuch. First time playing with me, he slapped my butt a few times, then grabbed a fistful of my hair, yanked it hard, and hissed in my ear, “How do you like that, you little BITCH?”
I didn’t. Scene over.
We write and write and write about do’s and don’ts in our scene, and get comments like, “Don’t people know that? Isn’t that just common sense? Kink 101?” Apparently not. As I like to say, common sense is frighteningly uncommon. A lot of misguided folks out there adopt a sort of cookie-cutter behavior — what works for one should work for everyone.
So I won’t speak for women in general; I know better. This is just for little old me, and for any other women with whom it resonates:
I am not a bitch.
I am not a whore.
I am not a slut. The only man who gets to call me “slut” is John, and that’s because he does it jokingly — my standard reply is “but I’m your slut.”
I am not a c-word. Please refrain from using that word in my presence. I hate it more than any other word in the English language. I was called that frequently by an abusive, horrible person in my life, and no one will ever call me that again.
I am not a pig.
I am not dirty, filthy or nasty. Naughty, yes.
I am not an inferior being who needs to be put in her place.
I am not a fucktoy or a cumdump.
Again, some women will like any or all of the above. But never assume so; find out for sure. Unless, of course, you enjoy getting ripped a new one. 🙂