Correspondence Hall of Shame, 3/7
Happy Friday, everyone. A few tidbits for your amusement, plus an interactive feature today.
Received this one on FetLife last week:
Tell you what. If I ever plunge to such depths that I care about what the likes of you think, please shoot me. In the meantime, fuck off.
I like to make you to go away.
Would like to talk to you and guidance on Skype as I do it
Nah, not forward at all. You just want me to Skype and watch you do God-knows-what with your hole. And I don’t think you’re talking about a pit you’ve dug in your yard.
And honestly, if you want guidance for how to play with that orifice, sorry, I’m not your girl. But I could recommend a couple for you.
Here is this edition’s head-splitter:
I do appreciate the compliments, but your way of delivering them is making my eyes bleed. Um… No, I’ve never been to Hellfire, whatever that is. You have me confused with someone else. Please find her and leave me alone.
And finally, here’s where I need your help, kids. Are you familiar with the term “malaprop”? Basically, it means when you use one word incorrectly, when you clearly meant to use another. I see it all the time in proofreading. It’s not a typo; it’s a brain blip, and pretty much everyone does it at some point.
Examples: “He entered rehab of his own fruition.” (Should have been volition.) “She plummeted his chest with her fists.” (Should have been “pummeled.”) Or, a personal favorite at an old job — everyone hated the bosses there, and when they went to lunch one day, my co-worker burst out of his cubicle and dramatically announced, “There’s distension among the troops!” I looked up at him. “Why, do they have gas?” (He meant dissension.)
Anyway. In the ongoing drama-fest that is FetLife, there’s yet another flame war carrying on. No, I’m not giving any details or taking any sides… I’m staying the hell out of it. However, something was said in one of the posts and it is driving me crazy, because I know the writer meant something else.
Look this is turning into a mud slinging camisole
WTF??? What could this person possibly have meant instead of camisole? Any ideas? Unless there’s a line of violent lingerie out there that I don’t know about. Perhaps one can also buy a pie-throwing petticoat?
Writer friends? HELLLLLPPP!
Have a great weekend, y’all. Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead.