Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Things I’d love to see

You guys have heard me bitch about annoying people at the gym before, so this is nothing new. The beefy grunters who, every time they hoist a weight the size of a small car, let out a roar that sounds like they’re giving birth. The chatters who yammer on the phone while they’re working out, and don’t have indoor voices. And one of my favorites: the texters who use gym equipment as if it were their living room furniture.

Last week, I waited for 20 — that’s twenty — minutes for the quad machine while a woman sat on it and texted. I was this close to going to get a manager to haul her ass off of there, when she finally picked herself up and moved to another machine, where she continued her texting. Must have been some conversation. Jeez, lady. Why don’t you save the money you spend on your gym membership and go park your butt at Starbucks instead?

But today took the cake. A young woman was draped over the hamstring curl machine. For those of you unfamiliar with gym equipment, the hamstring apparatus looks like something you could find at a spanking party or in a dungeon.



You lie on this doohickey, put your feet under the platform, then curl your feet up toward your butt — this exercises the muscle that runs down the back of your legs. It also makes your bottom look really, really nice.

However, this woman was not curling anything. She had herself in position, with her perky little butt, clad in tight shorts that barely cleared her sit spots, but she wasn’t gripping those handles you see up front. No, she was propped up on her elbows (which arched her back, making that perky butt stick up even more), and she was busily texting.

I did my circuit, and every time I finished one machine and moved to the next, I glanced back over. Yup, she was still there. If anyone wanted to use that machine, they were SOL. She had claimed it, and was completely oblivious to anyone who might have been waiting for it. Several minutes passed; I thought, “She has to get up sooner or later.” Turned out, it was much later.

If she had any thought process at all, I’m sure it went something like this: “Look at meeeee… I’m so cute, and my butt is so perfectly perky, that I can get away with hogging this equipment while I exercise my manicured li’l fingers, and y’all can just wait for me, K?” But I doubt she was thinking anything at all. She was just clueless.

Here’s what I would have enjoyed: If one of the hunky trainers sauntered over, positioned himself behind her, and gave that perky butt a mighty, resounding SMACK, loud enough to make everyone stop what they’re doing and look. She’d jerk upward, her phone would go flying, and she’d turn her big indignant eyes on her perpetrator, who would calmly smile and say, “Use it or get off it, princess.” And the entire gym would cheer.

Well, I can dream, can’t I?

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40 thoughts on “Things I’d love to see

  1. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica, this woman, should have been given 'six of the best', the very best with a cane across her bare bottom.. XXX I Luv ya.

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  2. (ROFL) That was hilarious! Thanks!

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  3. I see this a lot. Either dudes are “preening” at the machine (meaning chatting with girls) or socializing in general or texting. I get texting between sets, but if you're just sitting there–move on! I just go up to these people and say, “Hey, if you're done with the machine there are others wanting to use it.”

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  4. A woman who lived in my street went to the same gym. She moaned like a Russian tennis player every time she lifted a weight. I told a few people I was glad our houses were not closer. If she lived next door sleep would have been impossible.

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  5. Six — even one (a really good one) would have done it.

    Jay — my pleasure. 🙂

    Craig — it drives me nuts. For crying out loud; who's so damned important that they can't put their phone away for an hour and just *gasp* focus on their workout?

    John — I wasn't aware that Russian tennis players moan excessively.

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  6. Anonymous on said:

    I think you have found the plot for your next movie! 😉

    Poppa

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  7. Poppa — nahhh, I'm about 30 years older than this chick was. 🙂

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  8. Kelly on said:

    You KNOW I'm patience deprived so it's no surprise that I barrel right towards WHICHEVER beloved machine is monopolized by various gossiping machine loafers. Typically this is after they've parked themselves on the machine's seat for a good 15-20 min. In that time I've likely already completed 4-5 weight exercises or
    about 350 burned cardio calories.
    I just plop my water bottle right near their feet. They get the hint and move. LOL

    That chick in your pic ANNOYS me. It reminds me of these 2 showoffs at my gym who a few weeks ago were in some sort of athletic one-ups-man-ship with each other. It was a guy and a girl who were using a Roman Chair which is SUPPOSED to utilize upper body bent arm placement while kicking legs outward to waist height. Those 2 used it for a marathon headstand battle.

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  9. Kelly — I don't mind the woman in this picture; at least she's actually using the damn thing, the way it's supposed to be used, and not just parking on it! (Personally, I don't use this machine. It hurts my low back. I prefer the seated hamstring curl.)

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  10. Hi Erica — That piece of gym equipment, does look like something, you would find in a dungeon, I never been to a dungeon LOL,but I saw pics of them.I was thinking the same as you, She should get a spanking 🙂 That would be funny, if some guy gave her one hell of a smack and everyone cheered LOL. Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

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  11. Jade — it would fit in perfectly, for sure.

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  12. Kevlarbottom on said:

    Lol! That is my pet peeve and as I have no patience I go hover around them until they move on. I don't understand why they need their phone while they are (supposed to be ) working out anyway!!!

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  13. KB — that's what I say! Put the damn thing in your locker and do your workout.

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  14. I'm trying to imagine WHO would sit in that position for so long without using the machine, other than a spanko. Maybe she was dreaming as well??

    And as for quad machine lady, if she's anything like the rest of coffee–addicted America, she's probably saving money by joining a gym instead of going to Starbucks, hahaha.

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  15. Lol, cute fantasy! Whether she's obliviously rude or just rude, sounds like she deserved it! I agree it would be a good video, and I don't think it requires a particular age just because she was young. Older people can still be rude. 🙂

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  16. Autumn — ha! Good point! My gym membership is $35/month. People with daily Starbucks addictions spend way more than that. 🙂

    Lily — Oh, I know. It just seemed more fitting, because that's the image in my mind. But yes, Entitlement People come in all ages. 🙂

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  17. I have had this problem for months. Since this is a senior gym facility the do not text they just sit there. This get my Irish dander up and I want to walk over there and tell them to move. My girlfriend and I discover little of the equipment is being used when they were have exercise class. So this is when we go.

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  18. Robert — how aggravating. Why do they bother going?

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  19. We have a “no grunt” zone at the gym posted everywhere at the gym. [Planet fitness] It works most of the time.

    I'm going to have to start a new line of private thought at the gym. How much of this equipment could be creatively “re-purposed.” That should keep me going when there is no eye catching latex on display. I just need to avoid the old banana hammock.

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  20. Jon — “no grunt,” seriously? We just have signs that read “Please re-rack weights when finished” and “Please do not slam weights on the floor.” Both of which are ignored.

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  21. How rude she needs a bare bottom spanking.to get the point across.

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  22. Robert — yup!

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  23. Kevlarbottom on said:

    My other pet peeve is when you stop to let someone cross the street and they decide they have to send a text in the middle of the road! Get out of the road people!

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  24. KB — or how about when you're walking behind someone and they're so busy texting, they're barely moving, or they're not watching where they're going? I call that the “iPhone shuffle.”

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  25. Pecan nutjobe on said:

    Or people chatting right in the middle of a doorway, when they could just move 1 meter away.

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  26. Pecan — them too. Basically, anyone who is in my way, at any time, any place. Spank them all.

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  27. Erica, I think you could easily turn that dream into reality – would be delighted to hear the report. 😉

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  28. MrJ — as a role-play, maybe. For real? Don't think so. For one thing, I don't see Miss I'm-So-Cute consenting to it. For another, the gym would get sued. 🙂

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  29. Well, Erica, I guess you would be well able to turn that dream into reality – looking forward to the report. 😉

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  30. Kevlarbottom on said:

    I hate the IPhone shuffle too, but st least you have a chance of watching them run into a pole or something because of course they can't look up to see where they are going! A little poetic justice!

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  31. Anonymous on said:

    “I think you have found the plot for your next movie! 😉

    Poppa
    Reply
    EricaJuly 21, 2014 at 4:18 PM

    Poppa — nahhh, I'm about 30 years older than this chick was. 🙂
    Reply”

    Maybe so but your bottom is just as nice!

    Poppa

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  32. Thanks for painting such a nice picture of a just treatment for a selfish clueless equipment hog. That would have been great to witness.

    In reality it does make you wonder however about someone who who remain in that position for so long… Really she had to be aware. Perhaps she was daydreaming as well as texting.

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  33. Enzo — you had to see her. There was something about her body language and her offhand oblivion — it's like she knew she was extra cute and she could get away with it.

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  34. Moan, grunt, bellow, anything to distract the opponent.

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  35. Anonymous on said:

    I'm sure this would offend the purists and will demonstrate my cluelessness about yoga…

    What about a class along the lines of restorative, with a high relaxation content, except that participants would pair off and alternately spank each other? There might be long over-the-lap poses where the person being spanked practices deep breathing and meditation as the spanker's hand connects over and over in moderately firm slaps. The class teacher would control the pace of the class. There would be the usual assortment of foamy and fibrous yoga equipment to help prevent spanker and spankee discomfort.

    A variation might be to have the pairs rotate during the class as well. So, it would give people a chance to experience different hands and different laps.

    The class wouldn't have the same naughty, exhibitionistic element of hogging a gym machine with arched back and bottom in the air, hoping for the resulting punishment. It also would have most appeal to switches, so that might limit participation. But those negatives aside, I think it would be a popular addition to the gym's repertoire.

    Maybe it could be called Percussive Yoga?

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  36. Anonymous — I'm not a yoga practitioner, so I'm certainly not offended. 🙂 It wouldn't work for me since I'm not a switch, but I can see the appeal. Perhaps in some sort of futuristic kinky gym…

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  37. Anonymous on said:

    I have had the same issue at my gym. I have a simple solution. Tap the person on the arm or stand very close to them and ask “can I work in with you”. They will almost always move on.

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  38. Anonymous — thing is, I'm so pissed off at that point, I'm afraid I'll come off as really bitchy. Besides, I don't want to work in; I want the machine to myself! 😀

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  39. Yes, you can dream. 😉 That probably would have benefited her.

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  40. Lea — I like to think so. 🙂

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