Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Fantasy vs. reality

I just finished proofreading a very hot book, which was kind of a take-off on the old Fantasy Island series, but with kinky fantasies. It followed the exploits of four couples, intertwined throughout the story, and of course, because this is fiction, everyone’s fantasy was realized with utter perfection. Which got me thinking (always a dangerous thing) about fantasies that were far better than their real counterparts.

I was extremely lucky in the spanking department. One of my biggest fears, when I was about to be spanked for the first time, was that the actual experience wouldn’t come anywhere near what I’d built up in my head after years and years of thinking about it. But that first time, as many of you know, was mind-blowing. However, I’ve had a couple of other sexually related “flops” that I thought it would be fun to share, and hopefully encourage others to share theirs.

Remember, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 26. But in the years prior, I’d read a ton of romance novels, which made the simplest actions sound like four-star interludes. Like showering together.

The morning after I finally had sex for the first time, my partner asked if I’d like to take a shower with him. Would I!! Oh, the imagery. I’d read plenty of scenes about steamy showers and baths with a lover, kissing under the stream of water, soaping each other up intimately, being slammed up against a shower wall… bring it on, baby.

However, I didn’t realize that this particular gentleman, once he exited the bed, reverted back to a buddy and nothing more. No morning-after snuggles or cuddles, no lingering looks or touches, nothing. When I got into the shower with him, that’s exactly what we did: shower. He went about the business of washing his hair and so forth, and left me on my own. The only encounter we had was when he took the washcloth and scrubbed my back for me. Not sensually, but in a very brisk, impersonal manner. Well, crap.Β 

You can imagine how I felt — newly de-virginized, my head spinning, my body aching, disoriented from lack of sleep and new stimuli, and now, this same man who engaged in all manner of intimate activity with me just a few hours ago would barely acknowledge me. What the @#$% was wrong with this picture? More important, what the @#$% was wrong with me??

Meh. Fortunately, I learned later (from the man himself), that he wasn’t the touchy-feely type, or the romantic type. Whatever. Y’all will be happy to know that since then, I’ve had my share of sexy showers. Much, much better.

But wait, there’s more.

How many movies and TV shows have we watched with this familiar scene: The lovers, near a table, or a desk, or a counter, or pretty much any flat surface, shove everything aside with a rustle and a clatter in the heat of passion, and make mad love right on top of said surface? Hot stuff, yes? Yes, please. I really wanted to experience that.

About 20 years ago, I was “dating” (I put it in quotes, because really, it was little more than screwing) a younger man, who had a libido that wouldn’t quit and loved to do it anywhere, anytime. One night, we were making out in my kitchen — items of clothing had been removed and he had me backed up against the counter. Suddenly, in one of those delicious rom-com moves, he grabbed me and hoisted me up onto the counter.

And after that, it went spectacularly wrong.

As he did so, I crashed into a small turntable of items (salt and pepper shakers, kitchen timer, can of cooking spray, etc.) and sent them rolling around behind me with a ruckus. I leaned back, clunked my head on the bar behind me, then struggled back up, partially sitting, but leaning back on my elbows. Very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, he was trying to angle himself properly, but the counter was just a little bit too high and, well, let’s just say it wasn’t quite working. Trying to get situated, he grabbed my hips and shifted me forward toward the counter’s edge, which made my coccyx (tailbone) bang against the hard surface (not a good pain). And finally, we, er, connected, but the angle was still so awkward, my tailbone hurt, I could feel an errant salt shaker grinding into my vertebrae, and it was about as sexy as a pelvic exam.Β 

After a few thrusts, he paused, looked at me and said, “You know, this kinda sucks.” I burst out laughing and replied, “It always looks so hot in the movies!” He laughed too, and then he lifted me off the counter and carried me to my bedroom, where we finished things properly.Β 

So, do tell. Any fantasy-gone-wrong stories out there? Spanking or purely sex? Would love to hear. πŸ™‚

(And no, I’m not seeing Steve this week. But we will make up for it next Tuesday. As it happens, it’s good timing that he can’t make it, because I’m swamped with work. Break time is over — must get back to it.)

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33 thoughts on “Fantasy vs. reality

  1. Anonymous on said:

    I wouldn't say I've had any sexy moments which went really wrong, though a few were less steller than imagined. Sex on a beach hits near the top of the list. There is sand and cold wind and hot, glaring sun. (Pro tip: If you have sex on a beach, bring lots of comfy towels and sunscreen.)

    The same with sex outdoors, sex in a tent, sex on the bathroom floor, sex in a car, sex in the shower, sex on carpet. (God, I sound like such a slut.) But the bottom line is: almost any exotic location is going to be uncomfortable, that is why people keep gravitating toward beds.

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  2. Anonymous — ugh, the beach. Sand in every orifice? No, thank you. I don't care how sexy that classic scene from “From Here to Eternity” is. In reality, Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster probably had seaweed in inappropriate places.

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  3. Let's see. The first time I had sex my then boyfriend and I tried to use a small vibrator that just slips over a finger. We were in the middle of the act when the batteries just fell out. I'm sure I wrote down a better account of what happened somewhere, but at the moment I don't recall anything memorable. Meh…that first time was far from perfect and in no way comfortable. Things did improve for a couple of years, but by the end of year five, I did not like having sex at all. I was definitely at the “just hurry up and get it over with” point. Needless to say, we weren't together much long after that.

    Now, sex with my fiancΓ© can be absolutely amazing. I love every bit of it with or without spanking play. The only thing that could possibly make it better would be if I could reach my release without the help of a vibrator. (sigh) Unfortunately for me, I am not one of those very lucky women.

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  4. Jay — I need a vibrator too, these days. “Meh” sex is a drag, but sadly, a lot of people settle for it. Glad things have improved! πŸ™‚

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  5. Are there any other kinds of human experience so susceptible to being hilarious as sex?

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  6. MrJ — I'm thinking not.

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  7. Not exactly a fantasy gone wrong, but one time when I was still married, my then husband rolled off of ME, and proceeded to keep rolling, onto the table next to the bed, which was a lower table than normal. OMG, we laughed our asses off at that one. Had to catch him before he rolled onto the floor! LOL

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  8. Jen — LOL! Oh dear… glad he didn't get hurt. I knew of one person who rolled off the bed and ended up in the ER with a separated shoulder!

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  9. Funny stuff Erica! The ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy is a key ingredient in a successful life.

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  10. sub hub — definitely.

    Craig — interesting to read the male perspective of being a virgin in one's 20s! When I was coming of age, it was still the pre-AIDS, free-sex era, so I felt especially freakish.

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  11. SweetPixiePie on said:

    Oh ya…. I have a few doozies in that dept….. Like the time Daddy's bed broke right in the middle of me getting spanked. I mean, WHAM!!!!! and it was on the floor!!!! So, what is a Daddy to do? Well, for one, he noticed the dust bunnies under there, and proceeded to get the vacuum and clean them up….. One fantasy that went terribly askew!!!!!!!

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  12. Not had any fantasies gone bad really, I always played the role of romantic date and most of the ladies were happy to fall for the charms. Bond was my role model growing up. Sorry to hear about your first shower experience not being good. I have a bit of thing for showers, one of my favorite places. So intimate, all that water…

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  13. Hahahaha, oh my gosh, I can picture your scenarios ALL too well. Hollywood makes it look SO GOOD, don't they? I had to laugh at your un-sexy shower time, because I am the exact same way as your…er…ex boyfriend. I HATE romantic shower time–I just want to get in, get clean, and get out.

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  14. SPP — LOL! Well, at least he didn't make *you* clean up the damn bunnies!

    Mace — I agree; there's just something about all that warm water, and the steam — very sensual. πŸ™‚

    Autumn — yes, Hollywood really gives us unrealistic expectations. We don't see the multiple takes and all the awkwardness behind those sexy scenes!

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  15. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica, all I have to do each day, is too look at the worlds dire news headline, to see REALITY. So its a pleasure for me to see yours and other 'spanko' bloggers. that I read, for my wonderful fantasies. XXX Luv ya.

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  16. Six — I agree, there is way too much reality going on right now. We need a break from it.

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  17. So, here's more of a plan gone wrong for you.

    I spent most of the evening looking forward to making love last night, but around the time he finally made it home and I was going to mention it, the damn power goes out from 8-11 PM. Of course my favorite vibrator plugs into the wall…so we waited for a while but ended up just ended falling asleep and not doing anything. (Sigh)

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  18. Anonymous on said:

    Here's a shower scene gone wrong for you. My husband and I, who at the time were dating, went on our first overnight together. We both still lived at home with our families so this also happened to be the first time we were able to have alone time without worrying about who might walk in or come home at the wrong time. After having a gorgeous beach day we both decide to take a shower together and a short nap before going to dinner. While showering things began to heat up when all of a sudden we tried to change positions and my husband slips, falls, and hits the faucet on the way down. Needless to say that was the end of our fun in the shower, as he not only had a bruise forming just bellow his tailbone, but he was also extremely embarrassed.

    After reassuring him that he had nothing to be embarrassed about and making sure the injury wasn't anymore than it seemed we too decided to take things back to the bedroom “to finish properly”.
    Kristen

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  19. Jay — well, shit! 😦

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  20. Kristen — ouch! Poor guy! Yeah, I wonder how many falls have been generated from sexual shower activity…

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  21. At least, I managed to publish my post before the power outage. πŸ™‚

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  22. Hi Erica — The weirdest thing, I ever got spanked with was a hard covered book in a health clinic examining room with the door closed thank God LOL,It was Otk too πŸ™‚ The strangest place I got spanked at was in the passengers seat in a car and that was also Otk, it was so awkward. I know these are not fantasies, but I wanted to share them anyway. I thought it would make you giggle πŸ™‚ Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

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  23. Jade — I think a lot of people fantasize about being spanked in car… or at least over the hood of one. πŸ™‚

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  24. Anonymous on said:

    Always loving you Erica. Always! It's been a fantastic two years. I look forward to so many more ahead of us. Remember….I'm not going any where! Loving you everyday. Steve

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  25. Steve — thanks for always reassuring me of that. I'm not used to people not going anywhere! (sigh) Much love.

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  26. Brat E. Pants on said:

    I meant to reply to this waaay before now. Better late than never, I hope. Anyway, I'm still working on some of the spanking fantasies but we're getting so much closer. Mostly I need him to have a little more confidence that his stern authoritative behavior is not going to get me all offended. If he wants me not to kick my legs, he can be a little more bossy about it. And I wish he would feel more confident about telling me I need some help letting things go or remembering the boundaries we set. Instead I get frustrated feeling myself dance around it and pushing and sassing and getting bummed when I have to ask for a spanking. But he's getting better about it and I'm getting better at communicating better and I'm certain my realities will soon be much closer to my fantasies. (Maybe minus the part where he gets turned on by it and starts looking for excuses to put me over his knee; i'm not sure we'll get that far.)

    As far as sex, we're both fairly charged and willing to try new things but we've learned that sex in a car is pretty awkward but giving road head is nice and easy. For me the biggest disappointment is how unrealistic it is to expect me to be ready to receive oral sex at any given moment. I'd love for him to be able to pull me away from whatever i'm doing and pull my panties off with teeth and using toys or fingers to stimulate other unmentionable orifaces but it's just not gonna happen. 😦

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  27. Brat E. Pants on said:

    Pardon the awkward wording. It's hard to edit using my phone. It's so embarrassing when my brain changes the way I wanted to word something partway through the sentence and I don't go back and change it.

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  28. Brat E. — and this is why I still use a good old desktop for most writing. πŸ™‚ I'll never be fully adept with a phone. As for those fantasies, I totally get your frustration. But you're working on it — just keep the communications open as much as you can. Maybe show him some videos or stories with scenes you like, that resonate with you and where the man acts like you want him to?

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  29. Shower sex is the WORST. I only have a small standing shower so can't even turn 360 degrees in it by myself without knocking the curtain off. Getting another person in there, for just showering or for fun, is ridiculous.

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  30. Lea — my shower is in the bathtub, so I have more room. I kind of like making out under the water spray. But anything more than that is awkward.

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  31. I loved the kitchen counter story, absolutely hilarious. Homer and Marge Simpson had a similar episode in the bathtub once. As you know, Homer isn’t a small guy, and things got somewhat cramped for space in the tub. (lol)

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