Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

OT: Who remembers this guy?

I am going to be seriously dating myself with this entry, but… oh well. Last week as I was driving the 405 Freeway, I passed the Slauson exit — as I did, I couldn’t help thinking, “Take the Ventura Freeway to the Harbor Freeway to the San Diego Freeway to some other freeway until you get to the Slauson cut-off, get out of the car, cut off your Slauson, get back in the car…” Sound familiar to anyone?

Back before Jimmy Fallon, before Jay Leno, there was Johnny Carson, host of the Tonight show. He had a collection of characters he played from time to time (like Carnac the Magnificent), but my all-time favorite was Art Fern, host of the Tea-Time Movie.

If you’ve never seen this character, you missed out. Dressed in a loud orange jacket and wearing an oily black pompadour wig, Art Fern would roll his eyes, wave a pointer around and use his nasal whine to describe some really bad (fake) movies, whose stars’ names rhymed and always included some weird animal, such as Squirt, the Wonder Clam. He’d also present some outrageous ads, and to help him hawk his wares was the Uber-Stacked Matinee Lady, played by Carol Wayne. The sketch would be riddled with sexual innuendo and comments about her breasts — pretty risquΓ© for the time. When the commercial would end, he’d return the viewers to the movie, which would play for about two seconds and then the camera would cut back to Art and Matinee Lady making out.Β 

Unfortunately, a lot of Carson’s classic sketches cannot be found online. I don’t know whether it’s because they are property of NBC, or you have to buy the Johnny Carson DVDs in order to see them, or what, but I’ve never been able to find Art Fern clips… until now. I found one on YouTube — it’s not complete, but most of it is intact, and it contains a lot of the familiar shtick (including the Slauson cut-off).

Wanna laugh? Take a break and watch this. It’s a little dated, but I think it’s still funny. And I don’t know about you, but laughs are very welcome to me these days. The sound isn’t great, so turn your speakers on high. Damn, I still miss Johnny. Enjoy.

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11 thoughts on “OT: Who remembers this guy?

  1. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica. on the subject matter, Art Fern, (Johnny Carson) clips Try YAHOO. They list a few You Tubes, of him. Good Luck. XXX Luv ya.


  2. I am old enough to remember very well the genious that was Johnny Carson. Growing up during his hey-day, I couldn't fall asleep at night without having his show on in the background. The best ever.

    Loved Art Fern but my favorite was Carnack. The Johnny Carson version of the Tonight show will always the yard-stick I will use to measure the others.


  3. Six — I'll try that. YouTube had two clips total. There must be dozens more.

    sub hub — Carnac was hilarious. Johnny was really special. I remember what a huge treat it was when summertime rolled around and I could stay up late to watch him.


  4. Hi Erica — Thanks for sharing, that was so funny πŸ™‚ I don't remember any of this, it must of been before I was born. That stick he is holding reminds me of a cane.I always have spanking on my mind LOL πŸ™‚ Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade


  5. Jade — some of it was after you were born, but you were very little. I like that baton too. πŸ™‚


  6. Anonymous on said:

    Thank you for sharing this. I had not need this bit before and got a big kick out of it.

    Was I the only one to see Carson slapping that pointer down on the table and think, “Hmm, he could be spanking his co-star with that!”


  7. Anonymous — no, you're not the only one!

    They did many of these. I wish I had them all; they always made me laugh so hard.


  8. Erica,
    I'm not sure how anyone can *not* know who Johnny Carson is, but I refuse to acknowledge that Laverne and Shirley isn't still pertinent, so it's probably a perspective thing.

    You too, as always, are pertinent as all heck.

    Dana (Hasenpfeffer Inc.)


  9. Dana — schlemiel! Well, you know… I figure everyone sorta knows who Johnny Carson was (like my generation knows who Steve Allen and Jack Paar were, even though they were Tonight show hosts before our time), but they don't know his genius. I know a lot of his stuff is dated now because it was topical, but Art Fern is timeless! πŸ˜€


  10. Kelly on said:

    And if he would have hit her with it, I'm betting no one would have blinked an eye since it was Johnny Carson! πŸ™‚


  11. Kelly — I never got the sense that Carson was kinky. Now Jay Leno, that was another story. He made constant spanking references over the years!


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