Evolution

No, this isn’t going to be a discussion about Darwin vs. creationism.

Recently on the often-mentioned and the often-inflammatory FetLife, there was a discussion about how we, as individuals in the spanking community/scene/whatever you want to call it, have evolved. How have our tastes changed? Have our preferences broadened? Do we stick to spanking “purism” (more traditional OTK, traditional implements like hairbrushes, spanking on the bottom only), or have we branched out to include more BDSM-esque elements? Since life is always in a state of flux and change, should our kinks not be also?

I know the original poster well, and love him dearly. I know he didn’t mean to imply what some others, including me, inferred: That if one has preferences that don’t change and expand, then one is “unevolved.”

The thread blew up into a flame war, because a couple of people took exception and got very defensive. Me, I stayed out of it for a long time, because I was feeling a little hurt and my mood was oversensitive anyway, so I knew I shouldn’t post in that mind frame. But it did get me thinking about where I’ve been in the past nearly 19 years, and where I am now. 

After the furor had died down, I did post to that thread. Here is what I wrote:

Well…

I entered the scene in 1996 as an M/F bottom. Nearly 19 years later, I’m still an M/F bottom. 

I accept all orientations, but only one floats my personal boat.

I never saw anything wrong with the term “spanko purist.” But I guess I’ll stop using it. People don’t seem to like it.

I’d still rather go to a spanking party than a dungeon. I have been to the latter many times, been to BDSM parties, experienced pretty much every type of implement known to scenehood, but my favorite is still old-fashioned OTK.

I like the occasional thigh turkey. I enjoy a good overall back/bottom/legs flogging. But overall,I prefer all the impact to be on my bottom/uppermost upper thighs.

I still see the BDSM and spanking communities as separate entities. Not better, not worse, not superior/inferior, but definitely different.

I guess I am unevolved. 😦

So there it is. Yes, I’ve experienced kink from all across the spectrum over the years. I’ve played with all types of partners (although admittedly, they’ve always been male). My orientation hasn’t changed one iota. I still think that “spankos” are a separate entity in the overall scheme of kinky play.

Am I unevolved? Narrow-minded? Or is it simply that I’ve been around this stuff for a long time, have experimented, and now know what I like, what works for me, and what doesn’t?

After some of the flaming happened, the original poster amended “evolve” to “change.” That’s much better, I think. But still, the question remained. Are we expected to change and expand, as we progress in our scene experience? Or is it OK to like what you like and stick with it? I don’t want to be left behind in a scene that I love, but I want to remain true to my desires as well. 

I realize that my readers span the range of newbies to veterans. And when you’re new, everything is open for experimentation. But for those who have been doing this for a while, did your preferences change? Did you find yourselves doing things that you had originally said you’d never do? Did you find yourselves liking things you didn’t used to like? Did you ever do things you didn’t want to, because you thought you should experience them?

It’s all part of my questioning my place in the scene these days, and where I want to go from here. Who I am, and why. About finding the balance between openness to the new and being true to one’s established self.

Please understand one thing: this is not about judging other preferences. This is not, not, NOT about saying what’s right and what’s wrong with the spanking scene, so please don’t go there. This is about self-discovery and our own personal journeys.

I definitely changed my tune in one huge area: My very first spanking ad, the one from which I met John, read: “No implements, just a firm hand.” HAH! OK, so I guess I evolved there. 😉

Seriously, though… I don’t want to think of it as evolving. Because there is an inherent judgment in that. My mother used to say something along the lines of how if you don’t keep growing, you stagnate. But I think there’s something in between that. I think there is a place of comfortable stasis.

What do you guys think? How have your tastes/orientations/preferences changed over your time being involved with spanking?

Have a great weekend, y’all.

Surf’s up, panties down

We had an amazing adventure yesterday. On Monday, it rained a little, not much more than a drizzle, but combined with the winds we’ve had, it cleared out all the haze and gunk and left bright blue skies with puffy white clouds, and temps around 70. Just before Steve was due, he called and said, “I’d like you to go get your crop, one of your small wooden paddles, and a toy of your choice. I’ll call you when I’m out front; I’m taking you on a little field trip today.”

Field trip? This should be interesting, I thought. I put the required implements in a bag and put on some shoes and sunscreen. (Oh, and the toy of my choice was my Cane-iac OTK strap. I love that thing.)

He picked me up in his behemoth SUV (he needs it for his work, although it is anathema to the environmentalists, cough cough John cough), and I noticed that he’d blocked off everything behind the front seats with sun shades. “Wait until you see what I did back there,” he grinned. We drove through Topanga Canyon until it ended at Pacific Coast Highway, and there it was — the beach. Normally, I’m not a beach person. I can’t stand all the sand and the trash and the crowds and the screaming kids. But today, in January, it was deserted, save for a couple of surfers. The sand was pristine, the water sparkled in the sun. It was gorgeous.

We parked by the railing, right off the highway. When we got out, Steve told me to walk around the sides and back and look in the windows. Did I see anything? Nada. The windows were tinted, and no one could see in. Perfect. He told me to hang out a bit while he prepared the back, so I watched the sea and the birds.

Seagulls are fearless, just like pigeons. Or maybe they’re just oblivious and stupid. These guys couldn’t care less that I walked right up and stood next to them.

Anyway, enough of the nature show. Steve called me over and opened up the back. WOW. He’d folded down the rear seats, put in a thin mattress and covered it with a sheet, and piled up the area with pillows. We had our own little spanking haven, right there on the beach. 

Eagerly we climbed in, got situated, and the play commenced. It was remarkably comfortable (well, as comfortable as it could be, considering he was hitting me with several objects), and it was such a kick, knowing we could see out, but no one could have a clue what was going on within. Unfortunately, it did get very warm and stuffy back there in short order, so Steve cracked the hatchback window a couple of inches, propping it open with a water bottle. Still not enough for anyone to see in, but just enough to let the cool sea air slip in.

We could hear the traffic rushing by on PCH, and it was such a high, knowing we were playing publicly and yet completely invisible. OK, so maybe we made a bit (!) of noise, but there weren’t people around the vehicle, just birds.

Steve took a lot of photos, playing with the sunlight and the angles.

And of course, because I got warm and sweaty and we were in risqué mode anyway, my clothes had to come off.

You have to understand, I’ve led a sheltered life. I didn’t fool around or play or spank or anything else in the back of vans when I was young. When John and I first met and he had his Jeep, he spanked me on the bench seat up front. But I’d never been treated to an elaborate vehicle setup like this. I felt like I was back in the high school experience that never was. It was exhilarating, and so damn much fun.

So after the spanking and copious photo snapping were finished, I scrambled back into my clothes and we headed back, snickering and beaming like a couple of kids.

This was just what I needed — a fun adventure, something different, a couple of hours away from everything. I was on top of the world when he dropped me back home around 2:30. It did take a while to settle down and do some work, because I was so keyed up, but eventually I did.

Thank you, Your Toppiness! 😀  No, I’m never going to become an outdoors person. You’re not going to get me on any of your camping/hiking trips. But hey, sunlight touched me and didn’t turn my sorry indoor ass to dust. Miracles do happen. 

(And yes, I know it’s thoroughly obnoxious of me to flaunt our SoCal weather when a whole lot of the rest of the country is buried in snow. You know what? Suck it up. Most of the time, it’s a pain in the butt here — no seasons, excessive heat, fires, earthquakes, crowds, traffic, high prices. There has to be some balance on occasion.) 😉

Breathless — a parody

Last week while in session with Steve, I found myself once or twice struggling to catch my breath, because I was feeling things so intensely. As I consciously regulated my breathing, my head was suddenly filled with the voice of Jerry Lee Lewis, hissing “Brrreathlesssssssss….ahhh.” Of course, a parody was conceived at that moment.

You know, I think I get why my song parodies don’t usually get much reaction. My songs are too damned old! With at least half the stuff I parody, people haven’t heard of the freaking originals! (sigh) I mean, I personally think that one of my more brilliant efforts was “Tops Without Pity,” but really, who else remembers Gene Pitney’s “Town Without Pity” from 1961? Or Elvis Presley’s “Kiss Me Quick,” from which I got “Spank Me Quick”? What can I say, I’m an oldie and I love oldies! 

I know, I know… I should try doing parodies of something more current. But nothing quite strikes me. Oh, I’ll get the inspiration for a line or two. For example, Meghan Trainor’s oh-so-overplayed “All About the Bass” got me thinking of writing a ditty about a person who doesn’t like heavy scenes. I got as far as:

I’m all about the red,
‘Bout the red,
No purple!

I’m all about the marks,
‘Bout the marks,
No bleeding!

But after that, I ran dry.

I suppose Pharrell Williams’s “Happy” cries out for a parody called “Slappy.” But I can’t come up with that either. My brain doesn’t seem to want to work with newer material. Oh well.

So anyway… here is Jerry Lee Lewis’s 1958 original version of “Breathless.” If nothing else, it’s a cool little piece of vintage rock and roll, and you can enjoy The Killer pounding the bejesus out of the piano. And then following is my rendition. 🙂

Now if you’re toppy, then

Please don’t tease

Why don’cha scold me, put me

O’er your knees!

My legs thrash ‘round and ‘round

My pants come tumblin’ down

You spank me, breathless… ah.

Oh, I’m red all over

And you know why

I’m sure it hurts, honey, that’s no lie

‘Cause when you smack my ass

I burn like dried-up grass

You spank me, breathless… ah.

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!

My mouth’s too much

I can’t sass you enough

So it’s all right, to show your might

And when you spank me

Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Now come on, make me

All black and blue

‘Cause spanking’s meant for me and you

Hand, crop, brush or strap

I’m gonna be on top of your lap

You have spanked me, breathless… ah!

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!

My mouth’s too much

I can’t sass you enough

So it’s all right, to show your might

And when you spank me

Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Well, come on, baby

Now don’t be shy

Just let me have it till I moan and sigh!

Whack, crack, snap and sting

I’m gonna love the pain that you bring

You spank me… ahhhhhhhh… Breathless!

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/23

This is my first CHoS of 2015, yes? Many thanks to Jade for putting the above photo on my Facebook page. I found it quite suitable. 🙂

I like to spank you and enjoy giving you painful pleasure before I die

So, am I on your bucket list? Just how old are you, anyway? And really, how do you know you like and enjoy it when you’ve never even met me? My condolences to your imminent demise, by the way.

I want my dick to live inside your pussy almost 24/7

Pardon me if I don’t thrill to the idea of that. My kitty is finicky and doesn’t want just any dumbass dick residing in it. Please tell me you’ll at least take it out when you have to relieve yourself. 

Fix me up with a Christian gal who likes spanking
and if we get married I will pay you 500 dollars

This is certainly a new one. So I’m a Christian marriage broker now?? And if I were, honey, I’d charge you a whole hell of a lot more than $500. Why don’t you try talking to your pastor? I’ve heard those collared dudes can be pretty kinky. Oh, and what’s with this “gal” business? Are you the ghost of John Wayne?

And finally — don’t we all just love these? Once again, the illiterate form letter.

hello my dear i saw your profile and i love also the picture is wonderful. what i am looking for in my all-in-one-girl is a lover, best friend, my ….. you must be sexy, hot dressed in heels/boots, skirts, communicativ, tender,lovely, understanding, inteligent, faithful, … and a sort of submissive and obdient. 🙂 i am a good man/dom and it could be your and my dream to go forward and make fantasies come true.i am looking for a LTR with BDSM and LOVE. i really will admire her for the devotion and will take good care, protect and support her. be sure, i don’t care any distance, because when we got the connection, we will see where the way goes and leads us. i am single and i would give it a try and see where our ways goes. 

(groan) I don’t know where your ways goes, but the ways of this message goes right into the cyber Dumpster.

Isn’t it ironic that he misspells “intelligent”? And I’m not sure what “obdient” is, but if it’s anything like “obedient,” you’ve got the wrong woman, Skippy.

In other news — you’ll all be happy to know that I had my eyes checked yesterday and they are perfectly healthy. I do need to upgrade my glasses prescription, but otherwise, all is well and my profession will live to see another year. So, go ahead and keep masturbating, whenever the mood strikes. It really doesn’t make you go blind. 😉

Have a great weekend, y’all.

What a load of crop

Load of crop — see what I did there?

These damn pictures never, ever do the redness justice. Oh well.

Today was way overdue. Today was about reconnecting, about reawakening flesh and feelings that had been dulled with sadness. Today, I wanted to feel biting sting.

And what better for that than the riding crop?

After a long, very intense hand spanking, we commenced to the crop. He had selected a couple of other implements as well, but we both quickly came to realize that the crop was IT today. 

Once he got his rhythm, he was giving me hard slap-slap-slap flurries on one cheek at a time. He thoroughly covered the right cheek… then paused. I couldn’t help myself — I blurted, “MORE!!”

“Hey,” he said teasingly, giving me one little snap, “who’s in charge here?”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?” I wheedled. He was kind and gave the left cheek the same treatment.

(I just realized how utterly perverse that is, saying that his beating each cheek equally was “kind.”)

It’s been such a crappy few weeks, but I think (I hope?) things are swinging back the other way just a little. For one thing, John’s custom-made oral appliance for the sleep apnea, the one he finally got last Friday? IT WORKS! He can sleep. He can breathe while he sleeps. He doesn’t snore, snort or gasp. And for the first time in I can’t remember how long, we slept in the same bed last weekend.

So this is very, very good. And… unless they reschedule, his heart surgery will be happening on March 24. Two months from now, which will go by in — pardon me — a heartbeat. S**t’s gettin’ real, as the kids say.

I wept in Steve’s arms today, long before we started anything. I needed to. But before we were through, my smile had come back. I’d lost it for a while.

Yes, I have post-play hair. 🙂 So no, this is not my official “after picture.” But I will take some soon.

I was feeling so godawful depressed, I even deactivated my FetLife profile this week. Didn’t delete, just put it on hold. It’s a weird thing, but when I was on there lately, surrounded by kinksters and with nearly 1200 “friends,” I felt so alone. So I thought it was time for a break. I’ll probably go back soon, but I don’t miss the drama and trauma. And I certainly don’t miss hearing about parties I can’t attend. (sigh) John says someday, after he’s recovered, he gets some expenses paid off and has gotten a couple more raises, we’ll travel more, fly to those elusive parties that always seem to be anywhere but here. But for now… at least I got my itch scratched today. Or cropped, as the case may be.

It’s gym time.

Fantasy vs. reality

OK, we all love fantasy. Even pragmatically minded pedants like me enjoy a bit of it now and then. After all, everything we read and watch is some sort of fantasy (unless it’s non-fiction). TV shows from the 1950s presented a fantasy of a perfect family. Romance novels depict attractive people in relationships that always end up happily ever after (as do children’s fairy tales). And spanking stories/videos are about fantasy as well, which is why they’re so popular. Right?

Oh, but… Speaking as a spanko bottom female, I gotta tell you, some of these ideals are tough to live up to. I’ve read a whole lot of stories over the years, and I’ve gleaned a general pattern that many seem to follow. Granted, I eat them up as much as the next person, but sometimes, I have to take a step back and giggle. Because that bar is set awfully high.

According to the M/F spanking story paradigm, here are some general givens:

1. Spanko bottom women always look like this. OK, the hair color varies, but you get the idea. (Took this from Bad Girls Need Good Spanking.)

2. Spanko bottom women are always submissive at heart. Oh, we may start out feisty and combative, but we have this deep-seated need to have a man put us in our place, keep us in line, and make us belong to them. 

3. SBW are always multi-orgasmic, right from the start. Oh, and if you are taking a virgin? It’s OK. Maybe she’ll have about two seconds of pain, but she’ll be so turned on by your masterful behavior, it’ll be good for her immediately. 

4. Likewise, SBW are highly proficient at oral, instinctively. It’s our submissive natures and desire to please, don’cha know. And we always swallow.

5. SBW will take anything from your huge member to a massive plug up their butts willingly and easily. No lube? No problem! Just use our natural juices. Because, of course, we’re always in a state of gushing wetness. We’ll always love it, too.

6. SBW can take any kind of spanking, any kind of implement, anytime. We’re never tired. We’re never sore. We never use a safeword. Miraculously, we also never get injured.

7. Regarding anal play, we never need any sort of preparation. We’re always open and ready and squeaky clean for you down there, so be as spontaneous about that activity as you like. You’ll never, er, encounter anything.

8. Also, if you’re into putting us in diapers for age-play, no worries. All we ever do is pee.

9. SBW will always encounter dominant men, without even trying.

10. And speaking of those dominant men, they will always be skillful at spanking, will know exactly what they’re doing with implements, and will always know precisely when is enough. They are mind readers, after all. SBW can count on this.

HAH!!!!!!!

OK, are you done snickering now? Here’s the part you’ll hate me for, the bursting of the fantasy bubble. But ya know, it’s what I do, because I’m kind of a brat that way. So, a dose of reality:

1. Spanko bottom women bleed.

2. Likewise, spanko bottom women gag. SBW poop. SBW can get bloated, cranky, crampy and miserable in any of dozens of ways and not feel like playing every damn minute of every day (and night).

3. SBW have hard limits.

4. SBW don’t necessarily want to have a D/s dynamic. Some of us just enjoy being spanked.

5. Those uber-sexy back-to-front moves and maneuvers a top performs sexually on a SBW may very well give her a not-so-sexy, raging urinary tract infection.

6. Rough, improperly prepared back door play probably won’t result in those screaming orgasms you want. More likely, she’ll end up screaming in pain in the ER with anal fissures.

7. SBW have weight fluctuations, stretch marks, cellulite, moles, and all sorts of other mere mortal things. Oh, and a whole lot of us have (gasp) pubic hair.

8. SBW who have never performed oral sex before will probably not do a very good job of it. Like everything else, it requires practice. 

9. Some SBW are actually not anal erotic. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

10. And finally… SBW over 30 actually exist. (And over 40, and over 50…) 

(sigh) Sorry, kids. Reality is not pretty. I guess that’s why we have fantasies, huh? You may now return to yours. 😀