No, this isn’t going to be a discussion about Darwin vs. creationism.
Recently on the often-mentioned and the often-inflammatory FetLife, there was a discussion about how we, as individuals in the spanking community/scene/whatever you want to call it, have evolved. How have our tastes changed? Have our preferences broadened? Do we stick to spanking “purism” (more traditional OTK, traditional implements like hairbrushes, spanking on the bottom only), or have we branched out to include more BDSM-esque elements? Since life is always in a state of flux and change, should our kinks not be also?
I know the original poster well, and love him dearly. I know he didn’t mean to imply what some others, including me, inferred: That if one has preferences that don’t change and expand, then one is “unevolved.”
The thread blew up into a flame war, because a couple of people took exception and got very defensive. Me, I stayed out of it for a long time, because I was feeling a little hurt and my mood was oversensitive anyway, so I knew I shouldn’t post in that mind frame. But it did get me thinking about where I’ve been in the past nearly 19 years, and where I am now.
After the furor had died down, I did post to that thread. Here is what I wrote:
So there it is. Yes, I’ve experienced kink from all across the spectrum over the years. I’ve played with all types of partners (although admittedly, they’ve always been male). My orientation hasn’t changed one iota. I still think that “spankos” are a separate entity in the overall scheme of kinky play.
Am I unevolved? Narrow-minded? Or is it simply that I’ve been around this stuff for a long time, have experimented, and now know what I like, what works for me, and what doesn’t?
After some of the flaming happened, the original poster amended “evolve” to “change.” That’s much better, I think. But still, the question remained. Are we expected to change and expand, as we progress in our scene experience? Or is it OK to like what you like and stick with it? I don’t want to be left behind in a scene that I love, but I want to remain true to my desires as well.
I realize that my readers span the range of newbies to veterans. And when you’re new, everything is open for experimentation. But for those who have been doing this for a while, did your preferences change? Did you find yourselves doing things that you had originally said you’d never do? Did you find yourselves liking things you didn’t used to like? Did you ever do things you didn’t want to, because you thought you should experience them?
It’s all part of my questioning my place in the scene these days, and where I want to go from here. Who I am, and why. About finding the balance between openness to the new and being true to one’s established self.
Please understand one thing: this is not about judging other preferences. This is not, not, NOT about saying what’s right and what’s wrong with the spanking scene, so please don’t go there. This is about self-discovery and our own personal journeys.
I definitely changed my tune in one huge area: My very first spanking ad, the one from which I met John, read: “No implements, just a firm hand.” HAH! OK, so I guess I evolved there. 😉
Seriously, though… I don’t want to think of it as evolving. Because there is an inherent judgment in that. My mother used to say something along the lines of how if you don’t keep growing, you stagnate. But I think there’s something in between that. I think there is a place of comfortable stasis.
What do you guys think? How have your tastes/orientations/preferences changed over your time being involved with spanking?
Have a great weekend, y’all.