Breathless — a parody

Last week while in session with Steve, I found myself once or twice struggling to catch my breath, because I was feeling things so intensely. As I consciously regulated my breathing, my head was suddenly filled with the voice of Jerry Lee Lewis, hissing “Brrreathlesssssssss….ahhh.” Of course, a parody was conceived at that moment.

You know, I think I get why my song parodies don’t usually get much reaction. My songs are too damned old! With at least half the stuff I parody, people haven’t heard of the freaking originals! (sigh) I mean, I personally think that one of my more brilliant efforts was “Tops Without Pity,” but really, who else remembers Gene Pitney’s “Town Without Pity” from 1961? Or Elvis Presley’s “Kiss Me Quick,” from which I got “Spank Me Quick”? What can I say, I’m an oldie and I love oldies! 

I know, I know… I should try doing parodies of something more current. But nothing quite strikes me. Oh, I’ll get the inspiration for a line or two. For example, Meghan Trainor’s oh-so-overplayed “All About the Bass” got me thinking of writing a ditty about a person who doesn’t like heavy scenes. I got as far as:

I’m all about the red,
‘Bout the red,
No purple!

I’m all about the marks,
‘Bout the marks,
No bleeding!

But after that, I ran dry.

I suppose Pharrell Williams’s “Happy” cries out for a parody called “Slappy.” But I can’t come up with that either. My brain doesn’t seem to want to work with newer material. Oh well.

So anyway… here is Jerry Lee Lewis’s 1958 original version of “Breathless.” If nothing else, it’s a cool little piece of vintage rock and roll, and you can enjoy The Killer pounding the bejesus out of the piano. And then following is my rendition. 🙂

Now if you’re toppy, then

Please don’t tease

Why don’cha scold me, put me

O’er your knees!

My legs thrash ‘round and ‘round

My pants come tumblin’ down

You spank me, breathless… ah.

Oh, I’m red all over

And you know why

I’m sure it hurts, honey, that’s no lie

‘Cause when you smack my ass

I burn like dried-up grass

You spank me, breathless… ah.

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!

My mouth’s too much

I can’t sass you enough

So it’s all right, to show your might

And when you spank me

Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Now come on, make me

All black and blue

‘Cause spanking’s meant for me and you

Hand, crop, brush or strap

I’m gonna be on top of your lap

You have spanked me, breathless… ah!

Ooh, baby! Mmmm! Stingy!

My mouth’s too much

I can’t sass you enough

So it’s all right, to show your might

And when you spank me

Spank me riiiiiiiiight!

Well, come on, baby

Now don’t be shy

Just let me have it till I moan and sigh!

Whack, crack, snap and sting

I’m gonna love the pain that you bring

You spank me… ahhhhhhhh… Breathless!

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