Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Fifty Shades of #FAIL

No, no, don’t worry. I’ve done enough ranting on this subject for a while. This is more for laughs. I want to thank Craig for sending me a link to this brilliant article on Buzzfeed, written by Alana Massey. It’s called “13 Of The Least Sexy “50 Shades Of Grey” Inspired Items For Sale. And the subtitle is “And you thought the books were in poor taste.” I loved the author from this alone, even before I went on to read the rest.

OK, go read. I’ll wait. The products themselves are pretty grotesque, but her descriptions and commentary on them are priceless.

The baby clothes are especially in bad taste, no? And just how the hell would you know if your infant is submissive, anyway? Considering that a baby’s first word is often “NO,” that doesn’t sound too submissive to me.

Have I mentioned here that I think the term “bae” needs to die a wretched and painful death? What the @#$% is that, anyway?? People who are too lazy to utter the two syllables of “baby”?

I think my favorite of her lines is on the Christian Grey coffee mug. “This $7.99 mug alerts potential partners that your idea of a good time is kinky play that doesn’t involve boooooring discussions of boundaries or consent!” Of course, because we know Mr. Grey can’t be bothered with that shizz.

The bookmark that reads: “9 months ago Mommy read 50 shades of grey” really should read: “9 months ago Mommy was a fucking idiot.”

I could go on and on, but really, Ms. Massey should have the floor right now. Enjoy.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

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21 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of #FAIL

  1. The one that cracked me up was the last sentence of the dildo comment. “The description claims that these hand-polished dildos have a “silky smooth finish that is reminiscent of lacquered marble” for those of us that secretly want to have sex with kitchen counters from the 1990s.” LOL

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  2. Jen — isn't she hilarious? I'm now following her on Twitter.

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  3. Priceless and hilarious, indeed.
    I guess the mug beats everything in missing even a basic understanding, and the baby-related stuff shows pathetic 'commercialism' in approaching women.

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  4. The teddy bear was SO inappropriate.

    The movie hype is everywhere. I was trying to watch 1 minute clips of a baking contest, and each one was preceded by a 15 second promo for 50 Shades. Ugh!

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  5. MrJ — yes, because every mom wants to dress her baby in clothing with kinky messages on it. (sigh)

    Hermione — it's ALL inappropriate. And yes, the hype is insane.

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  6. OMG. WTF am I even reading. Generation Grey? More like Generation Literary Morons. I thought Twilight was annoying enough when all the moms in my church group were passing them around and planning midnight parties for the movies. Never thought I'd find a book I hated more.

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  7. Glad I could provide some content inspiration. 😉

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  8. Brat — here's the part that really bugs me. We're going to have a generation of girls named “Bella” and “Anastasia” because of that crap.

    Craig — you did, and thank you!

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  9. Baby clothes, seriously.

    You said it, girls will be named Bella and Anastasia, a colleagues daughter just named her little girl Anastasia Bella:(

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  10. sixofthebest on said:

    Erica, you possibly know this already, whether it be good publicity or bad publicity, in show business, the MORE you give a product the more PEOPLE want it. This of course goes for anything connected with “Fifty Shades of Grey” Happy Valentines Day to you. XXX Luv ya.

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  11. Ronnie — oh, nooooo.

    Six — yeah, I know. (sigh)

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  12. Anonymous on said:

    Erica, I've commented before that FSOG helped me break from vanilla. Poorly written, or not, it gave me the push I needed to enjoy more.

    That being said – OMG, those items are awful. Anyone that puts their “bae” in those clothes should be shot…or at least have to take parenting classes..

    Thanks for your blog. You always leave me smiling!

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  13. Anonymous — I'm glad that some of the people who liked FSOG aren't mad at me! LOL I've gotten some heat for my views. Happy to know I make you smile.

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  14. 50 Sags premiered last night ( February 11) in Sydney where it was rubbished. Also shown in Germany where it was laughed at.

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  15. John — oh dear. Too bad. 🙂

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  16. Yeah, tragic, isn't it?

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  17. Hi Erica — That stuff is inappropriate but funny LOL 🙂 Sorry I haven't been around, when you wrote this I was in the hospital emergency room with bad stomach pains 😦 my tests came out ok but I had to take a lot of meds. I miss my sweet Grandmother TERRIBLY 😦 My birthday is in 6 days on the 18th and she won't be here to celebrate with me,which SUCKS out loud 😦 Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade/ Emily Jean

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  18. Jade — sorry you were sick.

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  19. FYI, “bae” was actually a cute term until people got a hold of it who didn't know what they were talking about (remind you of any books at all?). It's not a weird shortening of “baby”, it's actually an acronym that stands for “Before Anyone Else”.

    The baby clothes make me sad…

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  20. Queenston — I seem to recall reading that somewhere, yes. I like the acronym, but the way most people use it now sounds idiotic.

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  21. Oh, agreed. Trust me, I'm on tumblr – the minute something turns into a meme on that site, it is a thing forever ruined. R.I.P., bae.

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