Forget flowers, forget jewelry…
… because on Valentine’s Day, nothing says “I Love You” quite like…
That’s right. An Edible Anus.
Go ahead, click and read. This is not a joke; it’s real. These are chocolates that are produced from a mold cast from a real you-know-what. And for $38.95, you can enjoy five boxes of these beauties, three per box. Milk, dark, and even white chocolate, for those who have that weird bleached-anus fetish.
Forget heart-shaped chocolates! What better way to express your passion than to say, “Here, honey, wrap your lips around these!” Mmm, mmm.
But wait, there’s more. For those who don’t care for chocolate, or who would prefer to keep their assholes in perpetuity, you can shell out $285 to get that little winker in solid bronze. Or, for $420, you can get it in silver or glass. I particularly like the fine print on the glass page:
Colors vary, so if you are particular about the shade of anus you require, please contact us for a picture of the currently available colors.
Now that’s what I call customer service.
But guess what? The chocolates completely sold out as of a few days ago. So, sadly, you’ll have to wait until next year to surprise your sweetie.
But if you’re extra ambitious, rich, and borderline psychopathic, you can arrange to have a custom cast of your very own rear orifice made in bronze for $1900.
Remember, kids (this appears at the, er, bottom of the site):
“Symbolic as well as scrumptious, the Edible Anus tackles this ancient taboo in an easily digestible way. Join the uprising, spread the joy, and let’s teach the world to love themselves and their anus.”
That’s not all they’re spreading.
But seriously — Happy happy heart day to all my readers. ♥