Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the month “February, 2015”

Valentine weekend

John and I had a lovely weekend. Quiet, nothing fancy, just the two of us, dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, chocolate, sweet cards. My favorite moment of the weekend? When I pulled into his garage on Friday. John has a two-car garage, and there is a lot of stuff piled up in there (it is a garage, after all), so in order to help guide me into my spot and let me know when to stop the car, he hung a brightly colored tennis ball on a string. I know exactly where the ball is supposed to tap on my windshield when I drive in.

Anyway, on Friday, this is what I saw instead of the tennis ball:

He’d saved an old candy box from last year and hung it there. That’s my John.

I wore John’s favorite red dress on Saturday night. Didn’t take any pictures of it, but you might remember I wore it a couple of years ago and took pictures then:

We went after dinner to our favorite café in hopes of getting our traditional German chocolate cake, but they were out. Booo! They did, however, have a German chocolate cupcake, complete with Valentine decoration.

Back at home we exchanged cards, and John had written in his to me:

You are my best, my favorite, my joy.

I love you too. ♥

And of course, this weekend was the opening of That Movie. So John and I spent a fair amount reading copious quantities of reviews and discussing the pros and cons. Here’s my overall take, and I think (I hope) I’m done talking about the damn thing:

  • The reviews, whether good, bad or in between, appeared to agree on two points: 1. the books were terrible, and 2. the movie improved on the books. However, considering just how badly written the books were, the movie had a very low bar to rise above.
  • Apparently, the movie did away with Anastasia’s insipid monologues rambling to her Inner Goddess. This is huge, since that nonsense was about a third of the book.
  • Sounds like they made Ana a bit stronger and feistier than her book counterpart. Also good. But still, not enough.
  • According to the reviews, the sex and kink is greatly toned down from the book, because they had to keep it to an R rating. And the kink is more suggested than shown, although I guess they keep a belt spanking (for which Dakota Johnson used a body double, FYI). I’m sure Chross will have this available for us as soon as possible.
  • The movie took in over $81 million at the box office this weekend. I suspect the audience was divided into two general camps: The Missionary Mommies giggling and squirming their way through it, and the kinksters who wanted to laugh at it. Several friends on FetLife said they went to see it just for fun.
  • Let’s recap: the conservatives hate it because it’s sinful; the feminists hate it because it’s demeaning to women; the PC folks hate it because it “glorifies abuse”; and the BDSMers hate it because it represents what we do with a bunch of clichés and misinformation. And yet, look how many people flocked to see it. I give up.

In short, for the sake of cultural literacy, I will probably watch the thing on Netflix eventually. But pay for it in the theater? No way.

I’m still coughing and sniffling. Worst cold ever. But slowly feeling better, and at least I’m sleeping through the night now without waking up coughing my spleen out. Should be quite fine for my belated Valentine’s Day spanking tomorrow. 🙂

Final thought: Did anyone else watch the Saturday Night Live 40-Year special last night? I did, all 3 1/2 hours of it. As a baby boomer, I have watched the show in real time since its inception. What did you guys think of it? I had my opinions (no surprise there), but I think I’ll withhold them until I hear from others.

Forget flowers, forget jewelry…

… because on Valentine’s Day, nothing says “I Love You” quite like…

That’s right. An Edible Anus.

Go ahead, click and read. This is not a joke; it’s real. These are chocolates that are produced from a mold cast from a real you-know-what. And for $38.95, you can enjoy five boxes of these beauties, three per box. Milk, dark, and even white chocolate, for those who have that weird bleached-anus fetish.

Forget heart-shaped chocolates! What better way to express your passion than to say, “Here, honey, wrap your lips around these!” Mmm, mmm.

But wait, there’s more. For those who don’t care for chocolate, or who would prefer to keep their assholes in perpetuity, you can shell out $285 to get that little winker in solid bronze. Or, for $420, you can get it in silver or glass. I particularly like the fine print on the glass page:

Colors vary, so if you are particular about the shade of anus you require, please contact us for a picture of the currently available colors.

Now that’s what I call customer service.

But guess what? The chocolates completely sold out as of a few days ago. So, sadly, you’ll have to wait until next year to surprise your sweetie.

But if you’re extra ambitious, rich, and borderline psychopathic, you can arrange to have a custom cast of your very own rear orifice made in bronze for $1900. 

Remember, kids (this appears at the, er, bottom of the site):

“Symbolic as well as scrumptious, the Edible Anus tackles this ancient taboo in an easily digestible way. Join the uprising, spread the joy, and let’s teach the world to love themselves and their anus.”

That’s not all they’re spreading.

But seriously — Happy happy heart day to all my readers. ♥

Happy birthday, Steve

Well, it was actually last Sunday. But we got to have our celebration yesterday.

I warned him in advance that I’d had a cold and I wasn’t sure if I was still contagious or not, giving him the opportunity to pass until next week. But he said no way, we’re on. At least I can say I tried to be considerate, right? 😉

No exotic adventures yesterday; I baked him some brownies (from scratch) and got a card, and asked what he’d like to do. He surprised me; his desire, along with our usual spanking play, was to mess around with his camera a bit and take some artsy shots. (Artsy? Read: naked.) So after a nice long warm-up OTK (side note: ever notice that spanking hurts more when you’re sick? I did), I stripped and we played a bit with angles and lights and positions. After he left, I took some of the ones I liked and fiddled with them a bit further in my photo-editing software, playing with the special effects. 

I kinda like this one:

And this one, once cropped, turned out to be a good “post-facelift” shot:

I posted the uncropped version on FetLife, and the cropped version on Facebook. Because multi-tasking. 

Never fear, there was plenty of play. Oh, and did you know that playing with a cold makes your sinuses really come alive? Hence my clutching tissues through the entire scene, as witnessed here in my left hand:

So very attractive. Snot is not hot. But I guess he wasn’t looking at my nose anyway.

Hope you had a very happy birthday, my wonderful top. ♥

Anyway, it’s Wednesday and I have not worked out for a week. I’m going to attempt a little bit of exercise today and keep my fingers crossed that I don’t cough up a lung. Wish me luck.

Well, this blows

John and I both got sick again.

Last weekend, he was just coming down with something again, a mere month after recovering from the last cold. That’s par for John, since his immune system is pretty much shot these days. But what’s my excuse? Last Thursday, I felt a little congested, but it didn’t stop me from meeting Alex for lunch and chatting for a whopping 5 1/2 hours, although I was a bit hoarse by the end. (I made sure I didn’t come in any contact with her, just in case.) By this weekend, it was hitting me harder, and John’s was on the wane but he was still coughing his lungs out, so the two of us were quite the pair, hacking and sniffling at each other. And last night, I ran a temperature and felt like I was gonna die.

I have tried all the OTC cold remedies, and nothing seems to work for me except two things. One is nasal spray, but I only use that when I’m desperate, because you can only use that stuff for three days. After that, you can have some sort of rebound effect with your sinuses actually getting worse. The other is Nyquil — I buy the CVS cheapo version. Not only do I save a buck or two, but while Nyquil is 8% alcohol, the generic version is 10%. Knocks me right out.

I used both of them last night.

This morning, I felt all this weird pain in my back and chest muscles, like I’d done an intense upper body workout. Then it dawned on me, it’s because of all the coughing. Lovely. However, I think it peaked last night and the worst is over.

No gym for me today, obviously. 

Yesterday was Steve’s birthday, and tomorrow he is due over for a belated celebration. Not sure how much I’ll be up for, but I still want to see him. I need to take his birthday spanking, after all.

Enough with this already. John and I have a lot to get well for. Next weekend is Valentine’s Day. And the two weekends after that, we have really fun plans. So OK, cold germs, knock yourselves out. And then go the @#$% away!

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, my roses arrived this morning. As he is wont to do, John sent them early so I could enjoy them all week. ♥  He is full of surprises sometimes. He’s such an engineer, so logically minded, but he has a romantic side to him. I’m especially grateful for this after I read stuff like what I saw on Facebook last week, from a man who claims that any woman who expects or accepts expensive diamond jewelry on Valentine’s Day is a “self-seeking [c-word],” and any man who gives it is a douchebag and a doormat. Wow. Bitter, party of one, your table is ready! 

Final note for the day: Just got email from Sephora, inviting me to their Fifty Shades of Grey event. “Explore the Limited Edition Collection inspired by the movie Fifty Shades of Grey and learn how to recreate the looks at our exclusive events.” And what looks would those be? Holy Crap Hot? The Red Blush of Pain? Or perhaps, for the more advanced, the FFFF?

(yes, kids, that would be the Freshly Fucked & Figged Face.)

Don’t spew on your monitor. Have a nice afternoon!

Fifty Shades of #FAIL

No, no, don’t worry. I’ve done enough ranting on this subject for a while. This is more for laughs. I want to thank Craig for sending me a link to this brilliant article on Buzzfeed, written by Alana Massey. It’s called “13 Of The Least Sexy “50 Shades Of Grey” Inspired Items For Sale. And the subtitle is “And you thought the books were in poor taste.” I loved the author from this alone, even before I went on to read the rest.

OK, go read. I’ll wait. The products themselves are pretty grotesque, but her descriptions and commentary on them are priceless.

The baby clothes are especially in bad taste, no? And just how the hell would you know if your infant is submissive, anyway? Considering that a baby’s first word is often “NO,” that doesn’t sound too submissive to me.

Have I mentioned here that I think the term “bae” needs to die a wretched and painful death? What the @#$% is that, anyway?? People who are too lazy to utter the two syllables of “baby”?

I think my favorite of her lines is on the Christian Grey coffee mug. “This $7.99 mug alerts potential partners that your idea of a good time is kinky play that doesn’t involve boooooring discussions of boundaries or consent!” Of course, because we know Mr. Grey can’t be bothered with that shizz.

The bookmark that reads: “9 months ago Mommy read 50 shades of grey” really should read: “9 months ago Mommy was a fucking idiot.”

I could go on and on, but really, Ms. Massey should have the floor right now. Enjoy.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

More top logic

In other words, utter BS. 🙂

That little road trip we took last week to the beach? You know, the one that was his idea, the one he surprised me with, the one for which he rearranged everything in the back of his SUV? Apparently, now he’s decided that we could have been arrested for that, and I need to be held accountable. 

Is he @#$%ing kidding me?

No, it seems he wasn’t.

We haven’t been doing many videos lately. Steve’s new camera is extremely motion-sensitive, and whenever we simply set it up on a nearby surface, the videos come out shaky and they blur in and out. This is solved when he brings a tripod, but he doesn’t always remember to do so. Yesterday was one of those times.

However, because I really do like what we shot, I decided to post it here anyway. I apologize beforehand for the not-so-hot quality of it, but if you can look past that, I think you’ll enjoy it. I know we did. 🙂

In other news, I’m on my way to the dentist to have a filling replaced. Oh, joy. Last time I was there, he explained that it was breaking down, that it wasn’t a big problem, that “sometimes these things just pass their expiration dates.” I then piped up brightly with, “Kind of like me!” Caught unaware, he burst out laughing, then quickly stopped himself, probably thinking he shouldn’t laugh at that. But no matter; now that I’ve knocked about 15 years off my face, I’ve re-extended my expiration date anyway. 😀

Happy hump day.

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