Well now. As we approach the February 14 release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, the stupid is in full force. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive this, folks. I’m already foaming at the mouth. (And thank you for ruining Valentine’s Day, Universal Pictures.)
Never mind that the press is playing it up to death and silly, misguided women are wetting themselves in anticipation. Never mind that Jamie Dornan has publicly admitted that he had to “take a long shower before he would touch his wife and baby” after he came home from a BDSM dungeon, where he went for role research. Never mind that the effing thing will make another several gazillion dollars for E.L. Jackass and her godawful Wikipedia version of kink. So, so many reasons to be pissed off. But many more are coming.
Here are a couple just to get us warmed up. The New York Times published this article about how the sex-toy manufacturers are gearing up for a huge spike in sales after the movie comes out. Oh, swell. Thousands of wannabes flocking in, buying things they have no idea how to use. Look out, emergency rooms! I predict people will be visiting you in droves as well. In case you don’t bother to read the entire article, here’s possibly the most important and telling sentence of the whole thing — the quote from Susan Colvin, president and chief executive of California Exotic Novelties: “A lot of the ways they describe the toys and the products in the book, E.L. James didn’t get quite right.” Gee, ya think?
But wait. Just to remind us that we’re all a bunch of filthy sinners, we have this uber-judgmental little blog about why erotica is bad and we should fill ourselves with Jesus instead of dildos. Don’t want to read the whole thing? I don’t blame you. Here’s a snippet:
How many buy into the lie—fleetingly or permanently—that pre-marital sex is better than God’s good gift of celibacy? How many tell themselves that bondage sex, violent sex, is a better expression of true love than the faithful, mutual self-giving that the Bible expounds?
I am about to lose my temper, and then my breakfast. Not sure in which order.
We struggle and struggle to gain a foothold in society, to be accepted at least on some level, to be known as real people (not cardboard cut-out fantasy book characters), and crap like this sets us back to the Dark Ages.
(sigh) Well, in order to keep my sanity through this, I must remember that not everyone out there is a mindless sheep. I found this razor-sharp indictment of the book from The New Republic, written last May by William Giraldi. Have no idea who this guy is, but I like him a whole lot.
OK. Rant over, for now.
EDIT: Earlier this morning, I posted this comment on the preachy article: “I haven’t read anything this stupid since, well, Fifty Shades of Grey.” Now I see the comment has been deleted. What a dick.