Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

All About That Red: Part parody, part rant

I promised y’all a spanko parody, didn’t I? I was going to wait until I was in a lighter mood, but you know what? Life sucks all to hell right now, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. So I’m going to counter my tears with a little comedy.

So OK. One thing I need to make clear before I say anything else: This is not, not, not about anyone’s consensual hard spanking play. I know some people like to play really intensely, and some bottoms relish being the recipient of that. So if you’re mutually into that, more power to you, and carry on.

No, I’m talking about an attitude I’ve see pervading FetLife and other sites lately — how “it isn’t a proper spanking” until you see blood, and bottoms that resemble a barbecued steak, rare.

Beat them more, harder, faster. Hand and leather? Forget about those; use wood. Heavier, thicker, bigger paddles. Still not enough? Move on to rubber and braided cat ‘o nine tails. Tear that ass up good. And if those still don’t do the trick, have you considered a circular saw, or a nail gun?

OK, I’m being facetious with that last part. But you get my point.

I’m also talking about the comments my fellow bottoms know and love so dearly — the peanut gallery, the armchair (or basement, as it were) critics. “You call that a spanking?” “Needs a lot more red.” “OK, now that the warm-up is over, time for the real punishment.” And our favorite: “I could do a better job than that.”

Because, you see, pink and red just aren’t enough for these bloodthirsty barbarians.

I really resent the implication that if you don’t suffer lasting damage, you’re some sort of wimp, or that a “real” punishment has to be all about agony. What about head space? What about interaction, taking the time to learn and push your bottom’s emotional buttons? Nahhhhh… just beat them more viciously.

Hence my parody. And for those who have been frustrated with my earlier efforts because I so often riff on oldies that a lot of people don’t know or remember, this one is from 2014 and was played so far past death, you’d have to have been living in an underground cave to have not heard it. It’s Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass,” her anthem for women with curves. Here it is as a reminder:

Personally, I think countering fat-shaming with skinny-shaming is obnoxious. But whatever. The song is undeniably catchy. So without further ado, here is my version, “All About That Red.” This goes out to all the Uber-Doms who think that a bottom is just a piece of meat to pound, whether it’s wanted or not.

Because you know, I’m all about that red,
‘Bout that red,
No purple

I’m all about that red,
’Bout that red,
No purple

I’m all about that red,
’Bout that red,
No purple

I’m all about that red,
’Bout that red,
‘Bout that red

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no pain ho
But I can take it, take it,
Like I’m supposed to
‘Cause I’m yellin’ ow ow, the tops are keepin’ pace
All the right sass and all the right faces

I see the FetLife pics, those bloody photos pop
I know those tops are mean,
Come on now, make ’em stop
If someone’s beating beating, say your goodbyes
‘Cause every inch of you is precious
From your bottom to your thighs!

Yeah, my spanker, he told me,
Don’t worry about your bum
He said, “I love your booty, so
Trashing it would be dumb
So all you sadists with your big ol’ axe
You think you need to grind,
Do it on someone else, ‘cause
You won’t be touchin’ this behind!

Because you know, I’m all about that smack,
‘Bout that smack
No thudding

I’m all about that burn,
‘Bout that burn,
No bleeding

I’m all about the marks,
‘Bout the marks,
Not carnage

I’m all about the strict,
‘Bout the strict,
Not brutal

I’m bringing mercy back!
Go ahead and tell them Uber-Dommies Bye
No, I’m just saying, I know you think you’re tough
But I’m here to tell you
Every inch of you’ll be broken on your bottom from your top!

Yeah, my spanker, he told me,
Don’t worry about your bum
He said, “I love your booty, so
Trashing it would be dumb
You know I won’t be no whipping girl, willin’ to take your wrath,
So if that’s what you’re into
Then go ahead and kiss my ass

Because I’m all about that red
‘Bout that red,
No purple

I’m all about that sting,
‘Bout that sting,
No blisters

I’m all about that belt
‘Bout that belt,
No rubber

I’ll all about good tops
‘Bout good tops,
‘Bout good tops!

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28 thoughts on “All About That Red: Part parody, part rant

  1. I’m a total painslut, but I’m not into major damage. G. doesn’t like drawing blood, so even though he spanks REALLY hard, it doesn’t get ridiculous. I’ve been marked up really good, bruises and cane marks, stuff like that, but maybe it’s because I’ve been in the scene for so long, I don’t mark the way I used to.

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    • Jen — I don’t mark like I used to either. I don’t mind marks at all. I just don’t like it when people imply that it’s not a “real” spanking unless there’s plenty of visible damage, you know?

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      • People used to say that I played too hard (once had a big dust-up on SSS about that), but as hard as I love to play, I don’t let things get out of hand. The Tops I play with know I love to play hard, and they wait until I show up at parties to “pull out their heavy artillery” as they call it, LOL, but they control themselves. At the last party I went to, a few years ago, I wore out a Top who had a real razor strop. I’d never felt one before, and I really wanted to, so he obliged, but my butt lasted longer than his arm did! 🙂

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  2. Couldn’t agree more. A hard spanking is what’s hard to the person taking it for goodness sake.

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  3. Loved your parody! I don’t hang out in the same sites you do so I haven’t seen the comments you mention but I have to say they turn my stomach. Personally I’m a fan of romantic spankings, not brutal beatings.

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  4. Ha ha! I love it!

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  5. Hi Erica — I always Love your parodies 🙂 This one ROCKED. I like to play a bit hard but I agree that someone’s bottom doesn’t have to be torn apart to be called a real spanking. It disgusts me to see video’s of bleeding and very bruised bottoms.To me that looks like road kill 😦 I want a spanking not to be half killed.More power to the people, that like that sort of play,but it’s not my cup of tea.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade/ Emily Jean

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  6. Renee — I’m glad!

    Jade — road kill! Yeah, there’s an image. 🙂

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  7. Don’t like violence either.;-) May be even more crucially: TTWD is part of communication in a good relationship, embedded in interactions and emotions way beyond the mere physical. I would not know that could possibly go togeter with inflicting / experiencing damage.

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  8. Michael in Texas on said:

    I live in an underground cave!

    Oh, I’d heard the TITLE, so maybe I don’t qualify, but I’d never heard the actual song before. I made it 36 seconds into the video before I decided that was enough.

    Funny thing is, there was a time, 40 years ago, when I lived and breathed pop music. Even back then I was woefully uninformed, but at least I was passionate. Now I could barely care less.

    As to the actual topic, well, first there’s a difference between recreation and commerce. Some commercial sites raise the ante by emphasizing how hard or “real” their spankings are — and with SOME reason, in that many of the very early spanking films (back when it WAS 8 mm film) and videos were fake to a laughable degree. It makes sense (or did, 10 or 15 years ago) to specify that they are depicting actual spankings, not pantomimes.

    Many advocates for recreational spanking view that commercial competition for who can spank the hardest with alarm, fearing those new to the kink will emulate the severity (and occasional dangerously bad technique) in their own play. I’ve usually hoped that was an unnecessary worry — surely people know the difference between real life and show business? — but alas, some people probably don’t.

    Spanking isn’t just one thing, and it certainly isn’t whatever fans of extreme spanking say it should be. Play should be enjoyable for both parties; if it can’t be, don’t play. Spanking doesn’t need to be hard to be good, and a hard spanking doesn’t need to leave marks. Many spankers are esteemed for their ability to spank hard and leave NO marks, as is necessary when playing with a spankee who’s in a vanilla relationship and not out to her partner. Being able to make someone’s eyes water without leaving a mark on her requires a lot more skill than leaving bruises with a two by four.

    So, what you said.

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  9. MrJ — it’s all about consent, I guess. And some people consent to the damage; they crave that level of pain and intensity. I’m more peeved by the people who don’t consider consent; they just want to inflict pain because they damn well feel like it and think it’s their due.

    Michael — “surely people know the difference between real life and show business?” Ha… never underestimate the stupidity of the masses. Or the lack of common sense.

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  10. Sorry life sucks so much, Erica. I think we may be on two different boats traveling in the same direction to hell and back. Here’s to hoping the boats will turn the fuck around sooner rather than later. (Please excuse the language.) (hugs!)❤️

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  11. Loved the parody. I totally agree, I look away and shut the browser tab when I come across severe destruction. I enjoy a hard spanking, but Ron always stops if he detects any damage, however slight.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  12. This made me laugh so much! I am super hard to mark, so those comments are extra-annoying to me. One of my friends can get pretty much the exact same spanking and be covered in all shades of bruises while I am just pinkened. People vary so much!

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  13. Jay — nothing to excuse; have you seen (read) MY language? 🙂 I’m so sorry you’re in the same Suckfest Cruise. May things brighten for you soon. Hugs.

    Hermione — you know, it’s not even so much the damage that bothers me, it’s the attitude I see about it. Like it’s supposed to be there, and if it isn’t, the spanking wasn’t “done right.” Makes me nuts!

    Lilith Noir — hee! I was definitely looking for laughs. I don’t mark much anymore either. I certainly used to, years ago. But the skin adjusts.

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  14. Erica hello,

    I always enjoy your parodies. I love hard spankings and the odd bruise and cane marks but not into any major damage.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  15. Ronnie — glad you liked! Truth be told, I miss my marks sometimes, as I rarely do anymore. But on the odd occasion over the years when I got broken skin, I was not happy.

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  16. Erica, it seems to me that what these fet-fanatics you are parodying are attempting is to undermine the principle of consent that defines our community. Publication on the internet of depictions and descriptions of consensual scenes does not license any criticism of those scenes. Rather it draws us into a further affirmation of their consensual character. We are privileged thereby and our only proper response, after enjoyment, is gratitude. Criticism of the scenes is not only crude, vulgar and juvenile, it is completely beside the point of this whole community. Rant on Erica, please, rant on! Best wishes, Joe.

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    • Joe — am I not criticizing THEIR scenes and preferences, though, with my parody?

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      • My goodness, Erica, that’s absolutely correct. But also delightfully paradoxical. For being critical of their criticisms you should be soundly spanked. No! wait, spanking is for wimps. You should be beaten to a pulp with the consequent red gooy mess photographed and posted all over the internet. As for me, at the very least, I should lighten up a bit. Cheers, Joe.

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  17. The people that go on about “it’s not a real spanking until the bottom is sobbing. Otherwise, what’s the point?” drive me nuts too.

    Love the parody! Well done! And I am definitely all about the belts. 😉

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  18. Bobbie Jo on said:

    Well, I must live in a cave! Never heard of this song. LOL I love your parody anyway as it makes the point clear! I hate those idiots who think a bottom should be lacerated with a Roman scourge in order for it to be a “real” spanking. One of the reasons I rarely go to FL these days. For those into that sort of thing, I wish them the best for when they get older; their bodies will sure tell them they overdid it.

    BTW, my top (whom I believe is the best) has told me I am a hard player now. Imagine that! I don’t mark much, though the last session left one particular bruise that lasted more than a week! That is highly unusual and it fortunately it wasn’t a large one. I still don’t like marks much, but I can tolerate the occasional stray, or the very small ones.

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  19. lea — me too!! Love me a good belt. 🙂

    Bobbie Jo — wait until you don’t mark at all, eventually. You’ll miss it, I bet! 😉

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  20. (Insert animated Smiley Clapping and Laughing Faces here!!)

    I love your parodies! (“Who you talkin’ about, pair o’ D’s?”)

    Sad to think of all the hate-filled people missing out on real fun with a smartass!

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  21. P.S.– I must indeed have an address in Bedrock– this is the first time I’ve heard and seen Meghan’s delightful song! Thank you!

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  22. Wolfie — you’re not the first to tell me they haven’t heard the song! I’m surprised; I guess I thought it was more ubiquitous than it actually was. As for people missing out… meh. Debatable. Not everyone considers me fun, y’know?

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