Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Archive for the month “June, 2015”

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/12

pricks

Been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve saved up some terrifically terrible tidbits for you.

Short and stupid:

Hi beautiful 🙂 would love tto strap u to bed an sspank your sweet ass til it red

Did I get you excited, darlin’? You’re stuttering.

WARNING: Grossness alert. The following entry is especially revolting. Read at your lunch’s peril.

Male here with a massive pussy eating fetish. I love to eat it dirty, smelly, hairy (prefer it hairy), unwashed/wiped for days, “creampies”, and I also love eating on the period (no tampon in). I also love it pissy and for a female to piss as I am eating her out. Not looking for sex really, I can get off from eating pussy, but only if its dirty/smelly or that time of the month.

Uh… move on, pal. First, I don’t have “that time of the month” anymore. Second, unwashed/unwiped for days?? Where are we, on a remote desert island? I’m far too clean for you. Oh, and you like it really hairy? Feel free to time travel back into the 1970s.

(excuse me while I take a quick break for a shower)

Hello I work in Xxxxxx we could spank I could spank you and you could fist me in exchange ? Just a straight forward arrangement . Let me know

Sure, I’ll fist you. Gimme your face.

OK, kids, interpretation time:

Hello beautiful angel of heaven wanted to see you wanted quitame Virgo’m looking for someone to teach me more than good

WTF is “quitame,” and why would I want it? Oh, and honey, I don’t teach good. I teach bad. 🙂 Angel of heaven? Clearly you took a wrong turn somewhere.

And finally, a real head-scratcher; a new take on the form letter  This was much longer, but I cut out the portions with personal information.

-)Well â™Ș ♫ This is Your Qualified Boy next door The Kid Crowned King Öcean: I’ve NEVER DID MIND ÄBOUT LITTLE THINGS ÄLL I CARE ÄBOUT IS MY AUDI RIMS BENTLEY WINGS GUCCI INTERIER IN MY BENZ
I’VE FINISHED WRITTEN 260 SONG ABOUT LIFE/CLOTHING LINES/WEED/REAL STUNTs/MONEY/CLUBS/POLITICs
The Kid Crowned King Öcean Am a Beat composer & a performer

My Life is a Way of Art & Patterns.
Am easy Able To Do FEATURES or HOOKS*
i Would Love To Take You Out For a Classy Romantic Dinner After Or Before a Healty Fun Catwalk Through The Mall

Whateva You Like Whatever You Want
That’s All For Now -)
The Kid♔★â™Ș
Ocean♔★â™Ș
#Crowned King Öcean♔★â™Ș
#Dedicated/Devoted Artist♔

Say it with me… HUH?? Dear King Ocean: Methinks you’ve inhaled a bit too much saltwater.

♔

As for this crown icon, it sorta looks to me like a bifurcated light bulb, or a butt with the cheeks pulled apart and a plug inserted. Go on, try to unsee it.

In other Friday news, John has now been back to work for two weeks. He is very tired, but seems to be hanging in there. His spirits are good. He has been too tired to take his walks, but we’re hoping his energy will come back. As for me, all the plumbing/plastering/drilling/etc. is finished in my apartment, as of this morning. There’s still a lot of work that needs to be done on the pipes overall throughout the building, but the ones in my immediate vicinity are fixed. No more noise, no more invasion. Yesterday, I got away from it all and spent the day with Alex, and we caught each other up for over six hours. It did us both good, I think. Friends are wonderful things. ♄

Have a great weekend, y’all.

Scenus Interruptus

So I got up this morning, anticipating my visit from Steve. Dressed, straightened up the place, put some makeup on… the phone rang. It was my apartment manager. Said they’re coming in to do some work in the kitchen, because there’s a leak somewhere and they have to replace the pipes.

Within minutes, I had two plumbers and the manager tromping through my kitchen, taking everything out from under the sink, drilling, hammering, and basically trashing the kitchen area. Asked the manager how long this might take, and he said probably a few hours.

Well, clearly, Steve and I wouldn’t be able to play. I don’t think that would be too discreet, smacking away, even if it’s in the bedroom with the door closed, with the plumber within earshot.

I got on the phone to call Steve, and discovered I had a voicemail. As coincidence would have it, he’d already called me earlier that morning, before I’d gotten up. He had a work situation come up and he couldn’t make it.

So there you have it. Clearly, we were not meant to see each other today. I guess if we had to have cancellation issues, it’s a good thing we both had them at the same time.

What do you do when you’re all geared up for a good spanking, and it gets yanked away at the last minute, for whatever reason? When you can practically feel it, it’s so close, and then poof! I’m sure this happens a lot to spankos with children, or people who have demanding jobs. Sometimes, life interferes. How do you shut off the spanko mode and redirect your thoughts elsewhere?

First thing I did was change my clothes. Took off the sexy spanko underwear and put on the day-to-day Fruit of the Loom cotton boyshorts and boring bra. Put away the capris and tank top and got into baggy shorts and t-shirt. Might as well be comfortable, ya know?

I know some people use the self-spanking option. Believe me, I’ve tried it. More than once. First, I can’t get a decent enough swing with anything to really feel it properly. Second, something about twisting my arm backward like that makes my shoulder hurt. And third, possibly most important… I feel like a complete ass. And frustrated. For me, it’s actually worse than going without altogether. Ever try to tickle yourself? It doesn’t work. Same thing, for me, with self-spanking. Without all the other dynamics — another voice, another hand, the head space — it’s just an exercise in time-wasting.

self_spanking_by_almond_art-d5n6x9w

Of course, some may have perfected the technique via lots of practice. More power to you! But it’s not an option for me.

So, moving forward. Re-channel the energy. Throw myself into work, or into a workout. Shut off the part of my brain that is screaming for that special stimulation. Remember there will be a next time, soon.

Fortunately, I have work to do, so I can be productive. I do need to switch gears, though. I’m having trouble concentrating, as I’m still in spanko mode. Plus, this is going on in my kitchen right now, just a couple of feet away:

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Isn’t that lovely! Noisy, too. I know what you’re thinking: Erica, just take your laptop/tablet and go work in your bedroom! Um… no. Because this dinosaur still works on a desktop. I actually love my work space. It’s roomy and comfortable and has everything I need nearby. However, there are occasions when I wish I could be mobile. Adding this to my Bring Erica into the 21st Century list, along with flat-screen TV (yes, I still have tube TVs). I had planned to get a laptop for the longest time, but never got around to it. Now, I’m considering bypassing that and going straight to a tablet. We’ll see.

So how do you quell the cravings when you have to postpone your play at the last minute? What’s your go-to plan for distraction?

Side note: judging from the absence of comments, it appears that people don’t enjoy my silly food rants anymore. OK. I’ll stop.

OT: More sandwiches that should not exist

Can you stand yet another one of my disgusting food rants? (Just to clarify, the food is disgusting, not my rants.) I just had one a couple of months ago, about bacon-wrapped pizza. Now, we have two new sandwiches that endeavor to pile as many substances onto one poor bun as is physically possible. Whether or not you should eat them is another story.

First up in the barf bag queue, we have Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s “Most American Thickburger.”

thickburger

What makes it so American, you ask? Well, number one, it’s excessive. And for another, since it couldn’t decide between hamburgers and hot dogs, it put both in the same bun. Along with a serving of potato chips. Oh, and cheese too, of course.

Mind you, I have nothing against hamburgers, or hot dogs (especially if they’re the good all-meat Kosher kind, not the El Cheapo variety that are 2% pig testicles and eyeballs, and 98% cereal filler). I don’t have an issue with potato chips, either. But for God’s sake, have we gotten so @#$%ing lazy that we can’t even eat our different sandwiches separately? Is it too much effort to put down the sandwich and reach for your chip bag?

Speaking of effort, isn’t it difficult lifting such a hefty sandwich? I have a better idea. Do like KFC does and pile the whole freaking mess into a bowl. Throw in the cut-up burgers and franks, and a jumbo bag of potato chips, smush it all around. Dump ketchup and cheese sauce over the whole fucking thing and then top it off with a slice of apple pie. Yes, I said apple pie. Call it the “Fourth of July Picnic in a Bowl.” When I mentioned this to John, he made a face and said, “You can’t put apple pie on a burger!” Why the hell not? If the sweet/savory fanatics can put bacon on ice cream, or beef jerky in a chocolate bar, or ruin perfectly ripe, luscious sweet fruit with chili powder, I can damn well put pie in a sandwich. Serve it all up with a mini-plastic shovel, and there you go. You even have a bowl handy afterward for… well, you know. Blorrrgghhhhhh, as they used to say in MAD Magazine.

Anyway, should you decide you want to attempt consuming this monstrosity, it will set you back 1030 calories, 64 grams of fat, and 2350 mg of sodium.

If you haven’t already turned green reading this, wait, there’s more! Next up is Applebee’s “Triple Hog Dare Ya.”

TripleHogDareYa_MAY15_1014

Look out, arteries, here comes the Cholesterol Express! Not one, not two, but three kinds of pork. Barbecued pulled pork, plus ham, plus bacon. My ankles swelled just reading about it. Of course, that’s still not unhealthy enough, so they throw in fried onions and cheese sauce as well.

For Christ’s sake — eat a pulled pork sandwich if you like. Enjoy a BLT. Order a ham and cheese. But all three in the same sandwich?? And once again, are we too lazy to eat our side dish separately? Blech.

What IS it with this trend of piling everything but the garbage disposal between two pieces of bread? Please, make it stop. More is not necessarily better. How do you even taste all the separate flavors when they’re conglomerated like this?

Oh, and this heap of Hog Hell has 1140 calories, 62 grams of fat, and a whopping 2640 mg of sodium. Just to give you a perspective on sodium: John, being a heart patient, is supposed to follow a low-sodium diet, because salt makes one retain fluid and that’s hard on the heart. You know what his recommended daily allowance of sodium is? 150 mg. That’s one hundred and fifty, not one thousand and fifty. I believe that’s about two-and-a-half salted peanuts. Or a few crumbs of this sandwich.

Please, people. Stop. Eating. This. Crap. John and I spent a lot of time in the Cardiac ICU recently. Believe me, this is not a place where you want to be.

Rant over. I do believe I’ve earned some crunchy organic peanut butter.

It’s June — time for another road trip

Yeah, I’m still here. Figured I’d take a break for a while, and come back when I finally had something fun and on topic to post.

So, after two weeks of vacation (some vacation! poor guy got a raging sinus infection while he was away), Steve was back and ready to break my spanking fast. It was a beautiful day, sunny but not super hot, so he decided it was Road Trip time again. He picked me up at 10 a.m. and we were off to the beach in Malibu, via Topanga Canyon.

Steve is definitely testing my exhibitionist side lately. When we arrived, he found what we thought was a perfect little nook, a patch of parking right next to a small bluff of rocks that led to the water. He parked/angled the car so the passenger side was right up against the edge, and with the door open, the view was occluded to passersby. Really, it was.

IMG_0973

Steve found a small area cut into the side of the bluff, one where he thought it would be perfect to sneak in some arty (read: naked) shots. However, before we could scope it out, another vehicle pulled up, and a young couple got out. I scrambled back into my clothes, and we waited to see what they would do. Sure enough, they climbed down onto the rocks and proceeded to shoot a bunch of pictures. Argh! We waited and waited for them to leave, but all they kept doing was changing positions. While we bided our time, we took a couple of vanilla shots…

2015-06-02_11-10-44_979

2015-06-02_11-38-29_155

The above area was where Steve wanted to take the naked shots, but alas, it wasn’t to be. When that couple finally seemed like they were going to leave, another large vehicle parked nearby, and spilled out an entire family — dad, two kids, and mom ready to pop kid #3. @#$%!! So much for our private nook. We piled back into his car and drove off to find another spot.

Upon selecting another place to park, we scrambled into the rear of the SUV and got into some spanking action. Damn, did I need that. I struggled a bit, my tolerance a bit rusty, but with some deep breaths and letting go, I was able to sink into my zone and embrace the pain.

I so love that moment when my brain stops screaming “Stop!” and begins pleading “More….”

Steve got a new camera, a wide-angle GoPro. I’m not sure if I like it or not. He can hold it in one hand and snap shots as we’re playing, which is neat, but some of those wide-angle shots are really bizarre. And unflattering, I think. Here’s one he loves, and wanted me to post. I think it makes me look like a big-footed freak! What do you guys think?

DCIM100GOPROGOPR9042.

I like this action shot much better. Now that’s what I’m talking about… let’s get to the spankin’!

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As before, we had shades up on the windshield, blocking the view, and the back windows are tinted so we could see out, but no one could see in. People came really close, too. One couple parked behind us at one point, and were taking pictures — the guy stood right at Steve’s back bumper. We were mere inches away! He couldn’t see us, but he would have been able to hear us, so we froze until he went away.

Even though it was nice and cool at the beach, the back of Steve’s SUV quickly got stuffy and warm, and he was literally dripping sweat onto me toward the end. So we reluctantly had to pull ourselves together, climb back into the front seat and head out. The AC felt amazing on the drive home, and I was blissfully tingly.

For those who have been asking about John (and thank you for doing so), he is back at work. He is tired a lot, but that’s to be expected. I had to stay home last weekend, because I had a slight cold and there was no way I was going to risk him getting it, so I’m very eager to see him tomorrow. ♄

So 2015 is half over. I’m hoping the second half will be smoother sailing…

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