Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

OT: So. Damned. Frustrated.

And overwhelmed. And scared. And angry.

Sorry, folks. But this blog is about life too, along with the fun stuff. And I just have to blow this off somewhere.

The Paris terrorist situation has me freaked out. Not so much fear for myself; I’m not actively worrying that it will happen here (again), although that’s always possible. I’m just in that spiral where I feel like it really sucks, living in a world where atrocity like this is possible. Where people can be so criminally and brutally insane, and then other innocent people have to suffer for it.

And even worse? The various forms of backlash. The anger spewing forth on social media. The talk of retaliation. Effing idiots like Donald Trump saying that Paris should have had guns. Yeah, right. WTF? Everyone should have gone to the concert and all those other venues packing? And what good would that have done against bombs?? And how is it that someone so incredibly fucking insensitive and stupid is a Presidential candidate?

The anti-Muslims are raving anew about how horrible these people are. But blaming an entire religion for the actions of fanatics is just as bad as their hatred for us. That’s like saying all Catholics are child molesters, because of the church scandals. Can’t people see how illogical that is? Fighting hate with hate is a death sentence.

The religious are telling us to pray. The atheists are telling us don’t pray, act. Do something. It’s no secret that I am in the latter camp, but I feel utterly powerless. Just what am I supposed to do, exactly? I am but a mere drop in a vast ocean of craziness.

And please. If you want to pray, then do. If that brings you comfort, go for it. But please stop telling me to pray. Please stop telling me to believe in what you believe. What good does your prayer do? Does it help any of those people who were blown to smithereens in Paris last Friday? You will only make me angry if you tell me to pray. Every time I see one of those “Pray For Paris” memes, I have flashbacks to being fourteen years old, and being face to face with my brother’s religious friends, sweetly telling me to pray for him after he was thrown out of a car and became part of the freeway. I called bullshit then, and I’m calling it now. So please. Do what you need to do… quietly. And if reading this makes you angry at me and you think I’m a horrible person, then I guess I’m just not your cup of tea. I’m sorry.

I wept in John’s arms this weekend. I just felt so overwhelmed, so sad, so scared. I know I’m not alone in this. But sometimes, the feelings get bigger than I can handle. And then there’s nowhere to go but downward. No. I do not want to go there.

I don’t have any answers. I just have questions. And feelings. Lots and lots and lots of feelings.

Thanks for reading. I am going to go kick some metaphorical ass at the gym now.

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30 thoughts on “OT: So. Damned. Frustrated.

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Erica,
    I do pray alot…just not to the Christian God; because I am not a Christian. When I pray it is not to a God nor for the lost souls , their karma is already weighed and set; I pray for myself, that I have the strength to go on in the face of impossible odds; increasing selfishness and stupidity, all types of phobias including the latest, Islamophobia.

    I pray that all the hateful and hurtful people, whoever and wherever they may be, take a good long hard look at themselves, then go somewhere else to play their horrible games….preferably the next turn of the wheel of life.

    Sorry….rant over

    Don

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  2. For what its worth Erica I`ll give you my two penneth then you tell me ok? First problem is they`ve gone and taken out the dictators in the middle east,Saddam and Gaddafi.Now I guess they were not very nice people BUT the reason they were there in the first place was because people could not behave,they would split into factions,tribes for want of a better word,and all hell would break lose,just like what has happened now.
    Second when you mix breeds and creeds have mass immigration the same sort of thing happens.Its been happening since the human race began but people don`t seem to learn.
    I have a love of history,the real beauty of history is if you can understand it, with it, you can see a liitle bit of the future.
    Take care Scotty,keep posting and posing

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  3. I’m with you Erica, 100%. As a holocaust survivor myself, I’ve asked this question many times, Where was GOD in Auschwitz or any other concentration camp. I have long been an Evolutionist myself. All the praying in the world, cannot stop these religious fanatics. Because they are mad mad mad. Thank you for your latest essay. I’m with you all the way. XXX Luv ya.

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  4. Don — that made perfect sense to me.

    Graham — Scotty. I like that. 🙂

    “People don’t seem to learn.” Truer words were never spoken.

    Six — you are definitely one who can say that hell is right here on earth, in life. I really would like to know where God was last Friday, or on 9/11, or during any of the wars, or, or, or… oh, crap. Don’t get me started. (sigh)

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  5. I hear you on that subject…..I’m christian and I pray for things I need to , but do so in private and do not tell others to pray…That is everyones private and personal decision…

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  6. I’m sorry you’re feeling down, it does all get overwhelming sometimes and the things ISIS has been doing are meant to be especially senseless, cruel, and upsetting. It’s a scary world sometimes, many times. Love and hugs to you! ❤

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    • Nancy — it is. And thank you.

      Lily — it’s far too easy to focus on the bad stuff in times like these. I need to dial it back a bit, I know, and regain my perspective. (sigh) Hope your foot is feeling better! xo

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  7. I’m well aware we come from vastly different backgrounds and thought but I think we’re capable of being reasonable with each other.
    While you may see no value in prayer, many do. And we shouldn’t have to do so “quietly” anymore than you should be censored on this blog. Free speech is for everyone. I’m pissed off, frustrated and scared just as most people are after these senseless acts.

    But know this, refusing to respond with violence means nothing to ISIS extremists. They wouldn’t think twice about how fairly you judged them when they burn you alive or cut your friends and families heads off and pass the videos around to all their friends like we do with cat videos on YouTube. These people don’t care. They’re using innocent people of their country as cover because they know we don’t want innocent blood on our hands. So, the innocent need to begin to fight back against the people that are making them out to look like the stereotype. This is not a “kill’em with kindness” situation. We’re not going to be able to wait them out. They are coming for us. And if I’m going to die, it’s not going to be as a victim but as a fighter. Do I wish this could be resolved over coffee and ice cream? You betcha. But they’ve made it clear they don’t want peace. And frankly, I’m about tired of playing nice with people that murder for sport.

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    • Becky — I cannot dispute your points. Thank you for stating them intelligently and without rancor toward me. I admit I do have an angry, knee-jerk reaction to the issue of prayer. I don’t mean to offend anyone, and yet, I know I do sometimes.

      There was a meme on FB, something about Confucius saying that if you’re bent on revenge, you need to dig two graves. I get that, and I also get the desire for revenge. I just don’t know what the answers are.

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      • Anonymous on said:

        The saying “it takes a village” comes to mind a lot these days. I think this will take all of us. We need the people like me, that are mentally and emotionally ready to fight AND people just like you, to deal with the horrible side effects of war. Now, it’s just a matter of getting everyone to use what resources they have within themselves. I just believe your life has a different purpose than mine. I just wish people would understand that these differences are a good thing.

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  8. Anonymous — so far, the comments to this potentially inflammatory blog have been civil and thoughtful. I wish people could agree to disagree more. Seems like we’d all get along better. And maybe we’d be able to move forward and work together, despite our differences.

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  9. Hi Erica,
    I’m right there with you. I do pray, but not sure it does much good. That being said I would never try to push my ideas off on anyone else. Everyone needs to figure out out will work for themselves. It’s a scary scary world we are living in. Today as the kids mo was leaving for work and she was giving them kisses she like I hope I make it home to them tonight. It’s a little scary to think that every time you leave your house that you have to worry about being bombed, shot and otherwise murdered!

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  10. Over on Facebook I posted something along the lines of how I have seen lots and lots and lots of people show support for syria and its refugees and how I have seen lots of people decrying racism, fanaticism and hatred. (All good stuff.)

    You know what I haven’t seen at all? I have yet to see any racist/Islamic-phobic posts, I have heard virtually no harsh words against refugees or syrians. I’ve heard nothing from Trump or other political candidates.

    As a result, I think my worldview is somewhat more level and rosey. And it basically comes down to who I associate with and what news sources I listen to. I don’t associate with racist nuts on Facebook, I don’t subscribe to phobic Tweeter feeds, I don’t listen to scaremongering news channels.

    I think most of us would be better off if we focused our attention on people and news sources that were more compassionate, positive and less reactionary.

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  11. It is horrible beyond disgusting. Sharing that feeling helps keep us sane.
    Sanity and inclusive thinking is what will, eventually, save the world.
    Oh – and stop caring about that Trump. He’ll loose. He’s a looser already.

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  12. My mother use to say… “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” I don’t think I’m alone when I say… “UNCLE, UNCLE, UNCLE”
    While you or I might not be a direct connection to the immediate suffering. Doesn’t mean we don’t feel a variety of emotions from painfully sad to infuriating anger. Some will mourn personal loss and some will mourn the loss of even more of humanity in this world.
    You aren’t alone Erica with how you feel and I hope that we all can respect other’s thoughts and feelings, even if they don’t mirror our personal ones.

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  13. Bobbie Jo on said:

    I think the worse thing is man’s inhumanity to man. What is happening today is not really new. What is new is the weaponry, the boob tube, and the media concentrating on the bad stuff. But, if you look at history, it has all gone on before. People being tortured because they believed differently. People being burned at the stake to light the arenas where gladiators fought. People being tossed to lions because they did not worship the emperor. In more modern times, political prisoners being tortured and killed. Dictators putting to death anyone who reported a seeing a body floating in the river. (That was under Idi Amin)

    We all have a choice. We can be decent or we can be Alpha Hotels. The goons that attacked Paris are of the later group. They actually think they are doing God a service by killing people. What derangement!

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  14. CarolBeth on said:

    Erica,

    First let me say how sorry I am about your brother’s death. Having lost a son, and watching his brother try to cope, I can only imagine your pain.

    Prayer, to me is a private matter. Telling someone to pray is like telling someone to smile. If they want to they will – and they will do it without being told.

    As far as “where is God?” This is my 2¢. We were given free will. Unfortunately there are many people who use that free will in a way that harms others. Not just the horrible things like 9/11 and Paris, but all the little nasty stuff in daily life. (shaming people/flipping the bird at drivers/lying, etc.) All that builds up.

    I never believed God “took” my son because he was needed in heaven. My son chose to take his own life. What I choose to do is thank God for the time my son was in my life. Not everyone deals with situations in the same way. That is what makes each of us unique.

    The best any of us can do (in my opinion) is “do unto to others as you would have them do unto you.”

    Please stay strong and lean on those that love and care for you when times bring you down.

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  15. KB — scary world indeed. 😦

    Ben — you’re right, of course. Seek the positive. Last night, I got so fed up with the misery, I watched A Hard Day’s Night for the millionth time. It’s impossible to be sad, watching that.

    MrJ — I don’t care about Trump, per se. What terrifies me is that I live in a country with people who would actually vote for that idiot!

    Roselips — yup, I’ve heard that expression many times. They said it a lot at the 12-step meetings I used to go to when I was younger. I admit, I couldn’t quite buy it.

    Bobbie Jo — in other words, history repeats itself, again and again. The only difference is that as time marches on, the weaponry and capabilities become more sophisticated. (sigh)

    CarolBeth — ugh, I am so, so sorry about your son. No parent should outlive a child, ever. There should be a RULE, dammit. I watched, at a tender age, what the loss of my brother did to my father and mother.

    Truth? Sometimes I wish I could believe. People derive comfort, believing there is someone, something out there looking out for them. In its purest sense, believing in God is innocuous.

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    • Anonymous on said:

      Been saying “Uncle” most of my life with regards to that quote. I learned that quote from the same woman who told me that the bad things that happen in my life, is God punishing me for being bad.
      Spent a lot of time trying to believe the first was true and the second wasn’t true.

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  16. No one should be angry reading your blog. You clearly stated, “if praying brings you comfort, then go for it” I don’t like when people want to push their views on either side.

    I will never vote Blue or Red for as long as I live. But I don’t want to bore people with my political views. How it relates here, is, whenever there’s a school shooting you have those saying “THAT’S WHY WE NEED GUN CONTROL” As you stated with this horrible tragedy in Paris, you have those saying ARM EVERYONE. I can’t stand when people use a horrible tragedy in which lives are destroyed, to push a political agenda. Lets spend less time with the “I told you sos,” and more time figuring out how to improve things.

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  17. anonymous on said:

    I’ve always been more subtly spiritual with my Christian beliefs. I think I ran into road blocks when I was younger because I was baptized Catholic. But I never felt I needed to be in a church to prove my belief in God.
    ANYHOW… I am NOT one of the ???? who changed my Facebook profile picture initially to support same sex marriage, not following the Paris tragedy. I support and sympathize in that order.
    We all have those Facebook “friends” who we never met in person, right? Well a few on my list are full blown radicals of ???? faith? Political party? I swear one morning I opened my page and there was a brief snippet of footage showing ISIS supporters beheading several people right at the edge of a beach. I get it that we cannot be naive to the dangers around us but these people rarely post anything unrelated to terrorism and get angry and scoff at posts of routine day to day living here in the US.
    I’m not in government-have no plans to pursue a career in it so all I can do is try to cast my votes where I feel they’ll benefit our country in the best way. Someone else will blatantly disagree with my choice but they won’t change my decision!

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  18. Anonymous — I’m doing my best to stay out of the politics of it all. I haven’t been watching the news at all. And I can’t deal with extremists on either end of the spectrum. I did change my Facebook profile picture for 24 hours, but just as a show of solidarity.

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  19. Anonymous on said:

    Thank you! Well worded, I’m a lurker and rarely comment but I love your blog! I was so sad and brought to tears about the Paris tradigies! With that said I’m going to a small concert with my Dad on Saturday here in CA and you had me LOL thinking about bringing a gun, that is insane! Please keep blogging I read every word you write and enjoy hearing your prospective on everything!

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  20. Anonymous on said:

    Oh dear reading the comment, nothing is worse than a parent losing a child! Eriça I too lost my brother so everything on you blog is so helpful and reading previous post and comments I’m so grateful you blog!

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  21. Anonymous — I’m going to assume both comments above belong to you. Thank you for stepping up and telling me your thoughts. And I’m so sorry you lost a brother as well. Please enjoy your concert, and no guns!

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  22. Anonymous on said:

    Thank you Erica! Both comments do belong to me and unfortunately although rare I’m listening to the new news about Paris 😦

    I would rather die than have to bring a gun to a concert but since my sister is coming too I so would want us to survive my Dad or all go together. My Brother followed our Mom within a year so I get great comfort in knowing they had a special bond.

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  23. I share all of those feelings about the Paris bombing.

    I also feel them for the mothers and children and couples in love in the other places bombed by these nuts, and in the other places the enemies of those nuts have bombed for years. Wedding parties? Groups of children collecting firewood? Hospitals, killing doctors and nurses and worried relatives and patients too?

    There is so much more than Paris, I almost resent the attention paid to these people, much as they truly do deserve all of the sympathy they get.

    Our media did not bring the people to us in all those other horrors, but they were and continue to be just as horrible.

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