A bright spot in some dark days
The SpankingBlogg’s Spanking Awards are in progress, and yesterday, the winners of the 2015 Creative Blogger award were announced.
Yup, I got second place this year. First place went to Consensual Spanking, and Alex placed third. Congratulations, you two! Thank you to everyone who voted for me; I was in some really amazing company this year with the nominations.
The contest is ongoing — so far, the nominations are still open for Best Female Newcomer, Best Facial Expression on a Spankee, and Best Male and Female Spanker, with more categories to come. And let’s show Chief John some love, please. He’s working very hard with this project, and even if these award thingamajigs aren’t your cup of tea, they are meant to be fun and some people are really giving him a hard time about the categories, the nominees, etc. No good deed goes unpunished! To John — I and countless others appreciate what you’re doing and hope you won’t let the haters discourage you.
It’s ironic that I’ve received this award right now, considering that I am dealing with a complete blogger’s block. My views are at an all-time low; my off-topic rants get more comments than my on-topic posts. I hesitate to write now, because I’m in a negative head space and I don’t want to dwell on it. But what the hell… this is life, right now.
Sometimes, it’s the confluence of little things that send me under. It started last week, when I went to the endodontist (dental specialist) for a dull but persistent toothache that I’d had for the past few weeks. I hoped if I ignored it long enough it would go away, but no such luck. After taking an X-ray, he informed me that the tooth right in back of the one that was treated two years ago is now dying, and I need another root canal. Ugh. Lots of $$$, and lots of pain and discomfort. And then he added insult to injury by saying, without a hint of humor or teasing inflection, “It’s nothing you did wrong. This is just what happens when you get old.” Oh, swell.
So I come home from this, feeling utterly blech, and go online to check out the newest blog roll. And then I find this (all copy is verbatim, typos and all):
Spanking Mature Woman To Tears
Mature and sexy Eric Scott gets a tearful spanking. A warm-up spanking turns into a very real punishment. Erica has been forbidden to speak the name of a certain man by John. As he is giving her a nice bottom warming before a spanking party she utters those forbidden words. Her carelessness earns the mature woman a severe spanking from her angry man. John makes good use of all the spanking implements her has on hand including leather straps, hairbrushes and paddles. Erica learns to mind her words and pays a painful penalty for her slip of the tongue. She’s spanked to tears and left to reflect on her bad behavior with a red and very sore bottom in this very real mature spanking video from AAASpanking.com!
(pictures, pictures, scroll down…)
SEE MATURE ERICA SCOTT SPANKED TO TEARS HERE! (link)
Besides the fact that this person couldn’t even get my name right, check out the bold highlights. In one itty bitty post, the word “mature” was used five fucking times. Really?? This is now how I’m being described?
And despite this glowing review (cough), the clip John put up on Spanking Tube has gotten a whopping two comments.
Then there’s Shadow Lane. I will always be grateful to them; they gave me my start in this industry and brought me into the scene. But if you go to their newly renovated site and search for me, here’s what you’ll find — I am described as a cougar. I don’t care what anyone says; that is not a compliment. The image that term evokes is of a Real Housewife of Wherever, with a plastic face, duck lips, too-tight clothes and a desperately hungry demeanor, who eats men alive. Then my description blurb cuts off in the middle, and no one has bothered to fix it. In the “where to find Erica” section, they link one video, plus a compilation where I make a brief appearance.
I shot four videos for them. Clearly, I am an afterthought.
You know what, kids? I think it’s time to pull the plug. I’ve had a wonderful run — 15 years. I’ve worked with some incredible people and got to realize a lot of fantasies. But it seems I am way past my expiration date. And please don’t give me that tired cliché about how I’m ageing like fine wine and cheese. Cheese grows mold, and I’m starting to stink. I don’t want to become a punchline in this industry.
And so, while I deal with my mortality and rotten teeth, I am also worried about John, who continues to have work issues, and now he has a bad infection under his thumbnail. He has taken two rounds of antibiotics for it and it keeps recurring. He is still on blood-thinners and bruises/bleeds like a stuck pig over every little bump. He hasn’t had his meds reassessed and he’s still taking all the same stuff since right after his surgery, and I’m sure some of it could use adjusting, or even eliminating. But for whatever reason, he’s putting off seeing to that. I know I’m hypersensitive when it comes to his health, but after all this, can you blame me?
And poor Steve has a cold and a secondary staph infection in his nose; he is swollen, in bad pain, on three different kinds of medications. Don’t know when I’ll see him. No relief there. He’s so dear… he even offered to take me to my root canal appointment on Thursday and then bring me home. But I can’t take him up on that. The doc is over an hour’s drive from me, and I’ll be going home in the worst traffic time (around 6:00) on the very congested freeway. And what’s he supposed to do with himself while I’m in the dentist’s chair getting drilled? No, I just have to get there myself, get it over with, and then crawl home and die.
I really am trying to keep my head out of the darkness, really want to focus on good things. But every time I turn on the TV or the computer, there is some horrible news. Shootings, death, terrorism, illness, road rage. Social media is riddled with anger and short tempers. The upcoming election has become a joke and a circus, the rest of the world thinks we’re idiots, and there’s still over a year to go. Social media is no comfort. Yes, I still have friends there. But they have also become places of meanness, where people unfriend and block and harass.
Oh, and the mother of my childhood best friend passed away; I just found that out on Friday. Even though I’ve long since lost contact with my friend, her mother and I kept up communications all these years. Every year, on my birthday and at Xmas, she sent me cards, and always included a certificate for See’s candy, my favorite. She used to call me her second daughter and signed her cards “Mom #2.”
I have tried getting out of myself. I’ve bought presents and sent some greetings. I even bought candy canes to hand out at random when I’m out and about. But nothing seems to be working. And I’m so damn scared about my dental appointment on Thursday, that’s all I can think about. I know it’s silly; people have dental work every day. But root canals are especially difficult for me. Plus, when I’m scared, my throat tenses up and I aspirate very easily. Choking in the dentist’s chair with exposed nerves and tools in my mouth would not be a good thing.
So. I will be back when things turn around a bit. But for now, no one wants to hear all this crap. Everyone has their struggles. So I will deal with mine, and hope that everyone will still be around when I come out the other side.