Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

You know what’s weird?

(Can you be more specific, Erica? A lot of things are weird, including you.)

OK… I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t cook. About the only time I’ll use a pot or a pan is to scramble some Egg Beaters or heat up soup. The rest of the time when I’m home, it’s cans, packages, and the microwave.

So why do I have a drawer filled with kitchen utensils?? I mean, what’s the point? Especially when Steve knows where that drawer is and uses it to nefarious intent.

Last Tuesday, two of those utensils came out of hiding. And the only thing they cooked was my butt.

spatulas

You can tell that metal one has seen better days, no? Look at that 70s floral pattern. And the end is chipped off. I don’t think it’s been used since the Nixon administration. The white one comes out periodically when I’m baking brownies for John.

Anyway… after we caught up with our weekends and latest doings, it was play time. I went to shut the windows, and Steve was sitting on the couch, beckoning to me. I ignored him and went to check the thermostat (it was a bit chilly and I wanted to see if I should turn the heater on). “Excuse me?” he said. “I’m waiting over here.”

To which I replied, “You can wait a little longer.” Then I wandered into the kitchen to pour a glass of water.

“WHAT did you say?”

“I said, you can wait a little longer. Patience is a virtue.” (A virtue I don’t possess, but I digress.) I sipped my water, smiling sweetly.

He got up. “OK, I think I need something from the kitchen too.” Uh oh. As I walked back into the living room, I saw him shuffling around in the drawer, but he wouldn’t let me see what he was retrieving.

Usually for Round One, he uses just his hand, which is formidable enough as it is. But this time, he alternated it with the white rubber spatula. (I’m quite familiar with the feel of that thing; it’s unmistakable.) He kept me guessing, back and forth, ramping up, slowing down, doing that rapid-fire thing he does that gets me squirming and gritting my teeth. Oh, and because of my keeping him waiting, I also got one mighty slap on each mid-thigh, when I least expected it. The pink from those two slaps lasted for hours, long after the rest of it had faded away.

Round Two, I didn’t know what he was using, because he wouldn’t let me see. He added in some other toys as well, to keep me guessing. It wasn’t until we were done that he grinned and held up the metal spatula. Really interesting feel to that! Stinging, biting, but not too heavy. Of course, after a while, my mind goes to mush and everything blurs into an indecipherable sensation. (Except for the cane. That one, I can still discern. :-/)

Poor Steve; I think I wore him out. Shortly after we wound down, he fell asleep. I had work to do, so I covered him up and went back to work. He slept for nearly two hours! “Did you get any sleep during the holiday weekend?” I asked. “Um… no,” was his sheepish answer.

We’ve gotten out of the habit of taking pictures recently, but you know, it all gets kinda redundant after a while. Hopefully, we will have another fun outdoor adventure soon, and then we’ll take lots of shots. Meanwhile, wanna see bruises??

2016-01-20_20-45-45_12

Hey, I just asked if you wanted to see them; I didn’t specify where they were. 🙂 Last Sunday, stepping into John’s shower, my one foot slid inside the tub, and the other leg slammed into the metal shower track. Yes, I am a klutz. This was bad pain.

But the good pain was on Tuesday night, as I sat at the computer working. That warm, tingly, slightly scratchy, squirmy pain. So good. So centering for me. Because I’m just sorta wired that way.

Still… it might be time to clean out those kitchen drawers.

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14 thoughts on “You know what’s weird?

  1. That was a beautiful read – just beautiful.

    Like

  2. Damn, that looks like it hurts and definitely not in a good way.

    I hope you don’t have a wooden bread/cheese board or pizza peel hiding in your kitchen!

    Like

  3. anonymous on said:

    Too bad bum bruises don’t hurt and stick around longer than shin, ankle bruises. YEOUCH!
    I have a crazy greenish bruise on my inner left thigh from walking right into the corner of a desk before a staff meeting last Tuesday. LOL

    Like

  4. A few years ago when G. was here in the lead up to the two of us driving to Chicago for a convention, we went to a store with all kinds of oddball things, and he found this green plastic spoon in the kitchenware section. It LOOKS innocent enough, but that bitch has a metal core and it needs to DIE. LOL He keeps it with him, annoyingly, otherwise I would’ve “lost” it a long time ago. 😀 What is it with Tops and kitchen utensils?

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  5. MrJ — glad you enjoyed it.

    Jay — I most certainly do not. 🙂

    A. — I know, right? This hideous thing will be with me for at least another week.

    Q. — hell if I know! (grumble)

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  6. Hugs!

    Like

  7. Oona — thanks! It’s National Hug Day. 🙂

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  8. Those rubber spatulas do have quite a feel to them!!! Your leg looks painful, so sorry

    jean

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  9. Anonymous on said:

    Spatula or is it spamkula?

    The sting from a spatula is quite unforgettable and I know that from both ends of the implement. Oddly enough, I still own several.

    Isn’t that weird?

    Anon E. Mouse

    Like

  10. jean — it doesn’t hurt that much now, but it looks nasty!

    Mouse — well, I don’t know, is it? Do you cook? 😉

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  11. Anonymous on said:

    Isn’t it funny that we can bash and crash at a bum for hours with no results except for a fleeting redness, but slip in the shower or run into furniture and we are left with a bruise the size of Texas.
    Downunder Don

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  12. Don — my bum used to bruise like that, many years ago. But those days are long gone!

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  13. Jadelyn Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica ♡ When you said that the only thing that got cooked was your butt I couldn’t stop laughing LOL 😉 Sorry about your bruise it looks horrible 😦 I bruise easily I am always bumping into things. I am happy that you and Steve had a spanking good time 🙂 Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade ♡ xxxxxx / Emily Jean

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