Yesterday’s play, and my strange paradox
Well, one of them, anyway. I have many, I guess.
Steve and I had a lovely visit. If you were to see us together at first, you’d think we were just a couple of old pals getting together to catch up. We sit side by side on my couch and we take turns talking about the past week, about our relationships and life situations. Sometimes we’re quite serious. And then, after a while, something shifts, Steve gets that look on his face, and I know it’s time. Seamlessly, we transition into play mode.
As we begin to play, more transitions happen. Before my endorphins kick in, I struggle with the pain as it explodes into my senses, despite the slow buildup. I squirm and twist my feet together and mash my face into the pillow, reminding myself to breathe. “Squirm all you want,” he’ll say. Then it changes — the overwhelming burn morphs into a glow, and instead of wanting to shy away from the impact, I raise my body to meet it. Steve, ever reading my body language, knows when it happens and that he can ramp things up.
Yesterday’s round two was simple, just three implements. Three distinct sensations (crop, wooden paddle, Lexan paddle). I didn’t need to do or say anything; we had no roles or fake issues we were acting out. I didn’t sass. It was all about sensation and connection this time. Maybe not as amusing to read about, but intense just the same.
Then there’s the picture-taking. And that’s when the paradox comes in. My exhibitionism vs. my discomfort with graphic shots.
It’s no secret that I like having sexy pictures taken of me. But when they veer into the graphically sexUAL, I shut down. I wonder why that is. I’m not a prude. I don’t have issues about bodies, male or female. But for me, photos are sexier and more attractive when things are left to the imagination. I am not comfortable with displays of graphic nudity from people I don’t know. And I’m not comfortable with my own display of them, either. When it comes to professional videos, and the photos/screen shots taken from them, I have to accept that the “money shots” will be plentiful. But with my own stuff? I don’t reveal. I tease, I provoke, but I don’t stick it in your face. Why? I don’t know. As I’d mentioned in a previous blog, I’ve appeared fully naked on video only once in sixteen years. And the purpose of that was not to be sexy per se, but to say “fuck you; this is what fifty looks like” to the world of ageists.
Yesterday, at the peak of our scene as I lay over the pillows on my bed, Steve opened the nightstand drawer, retrieved my vibrator and handed it to me. Face down, oblivious to everything around me, I then proceeded to give myself three orgasms while he watched. And took pictures.
Steve takes two kinds of pictures; the ones for me, that I’ll use for my blog, for FetLife, etc. And then the ones he says are “just for him.” The last thing he does before he leaves is copy the day’s photos from his camera onto my computer. And after he’s gone, the first thing I do is go through them — and immediately delete the graphic ones. I don’t like them. He thinks they’re beautiful. But they make me squirm. Why would I want to look at a close-up shot of myself masturbating? (Rhetorical question, folks. You don’t have to answer.) I think naked bodies can be beautiful… but I don’t think genitalia are in and of themselves all that attractive, especially close up. Who knows… it’s a strange paradox, and a weird disconnect. I suppose it’s along the same lines of how I love to be spanked in front of other people, but I don’t want to have sex in front of other people.
Yeah, I know. I’ve talked about this before. But every now and then, I feel the need to explain myself. Maybe because some may think I’m a hypocrite, because I post provocative photos, but don’t care for theirs. I guess, for me, it’s about the level of provocation, and how much intimacy is revealed to strangers.
Am I making any @#$%ing sense, or does it all sound like a big confused rationale? Meh.
Anyway… true to form, here are non-graphic shots from yesterday.
And flash off:
And as usual, the camera didn’t pick up the redness very well. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
Back to work for me. Happy Hump Day. And, according to Twitter, Happy #NationalChocolateCakeDay. (Of course, for me, every day is #NationalChocolateCakeDay.)
Another great blog post! After i am caned, my lady takes a few photos to send to her sister..who is also a spanker. i always mischievously insist my ‘dangly bit’ hangs down and is clearly seen…apparently the first time she saw such a picture she was having lunch and exploded a mouthful of sandwich in front of her co-workers…
Joe — I guess that’s what the initials “NSFW” are for. 😉
I don’t think that’s strange at all. IMO too many close up examinations of genitalia can overtake the “scene” that is being portrayed. The point is the spanking, not training gynecologists.
Steve — that tends to be my take on it as well. However, given the prevalence of those types of shots, apparently many disagree with me.
I’m not a prude either but I prefer to keep spanking and sex/nudity completely separate from each other whether it’s my own experiences or seeing someone else in a video or still photo. It may be that I want to revel in the completeness of each act-to devote my attention to one activity vs another equally enjoyable one? Who knows? LOL
Glad you had a good play session with Steve!
Sigh…I need a release session. Tom is working late again, so I rather doubt it’s going to happen for a few days. I just want/need to feel again…feel loved, taken care of, protected, etc…
I have the same feelings as you do about peoples’ genitalia showing up in pics. I would rather just see things from the point of view that leaves much to the imagination. I took a class once that was about non-western music. We all had to give a presentation on some kind of music. One gal brought in a lady who taught Egyptian belly dancing. She said that a naked body was not particularly sexy and said that having something on that lead to the imagination was much sexier. I think the naked body can be presented in beautiful form. Then there is the just plain grossness of letting it all hang out so to speak. To each his/her own, I guess.
To me, there is true class. Unfortunately, there is also the lack thereof. I prefer class. Something that you have, Erica. You have class!
Hi Erica ♡ Everything you said made perfect sense 🙂 I am happy that you had a great session with Steve. As always nice pics 😉 I like you’re panties, they are my favorite color pink, I like that it says Love on them so cute ♡ Since you mentioned chocolate cake, I want a piece now LOL 😉 Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade / Emily Jean xxxxx ♡ xoxoxoxo ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
A. — do you remember my old cake and ice cream analogy? Both wonderful. Some people like to enjoy them together. Others, like me (and you, sounds like) prefer to enjoy them separately. 🙂
Jay — aw, sweetie. I hope you get taken care of soon.
Bobbie Jo — well, thank you. I don’t really want to say that nudity is un-classy, though. I don’t know. It’s just a strange contradiction with me, that I can be so open about some things and not about others.
Jade — tell your dad to buy you some cake. 🙂
It’s comforting to me to see that others feel that sexy does not require graphic images. Frankly, they are a turn off for me. Call me old school, inhibited, whatever, I am happy without a GYN certificate.
You are no hypocrite! Like most of us you (& I) are complex people and as such will have our share of paradoxes. I say enjoy them and roundly ignore those that don’t get it.
Anon E. Mouse
I’m a top who also happens to be a professional photographer. I do a lot of nude photography some spanking related but most is not. I personally don’t like hard-core porn. Close-ups of genitalia are best left for gynecologist and urologist. I always put an artistic touch and any nude I do. To me that is more sensual than hard-core porn.
Now as for your comment about the camera not properly showing your bottom I would like to say that while I understand you’re not really into technology, an attractive well spanked female bottom is a beautiful thing. Yours is one of the best. It’s a shame to have it lost to posterity after the marks go away. It doesn’t have to be that way. For the great stuff you’re doing I think maybe a little tech talk is acceptable.
From what you say and from what I can see it looks like Steve is shooting JPEG image files. That is files that have a.JPG extension. You can not show your bottom in full glory that way. I don’t know what kind of camera Steve is using but it should be a digital SLR. A point-and-shoot camera just isn’t up to the task. If he’s using a point-and-shoot he should invest in a digital SLR. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one just one that has interchangeable lenses, manual controls as well as automatic and can produce RAW files as well as JPEG’s. You also need some image processing software. You can get Photoshop elements on Amazon.com for about $70. There are a lot of good online tutorials to teach you how to use Photoshop. So we’re not talking about a lot of money if Steve has a digital SLR.
Assuming a digital SLR, there is a choice of what type of image file you will get. You want a Raw file. Now you also may want to JPEG, and most digital SLRs have an option to produce two files of each image, so you can select to get both a RAW and a JPEG.
Some things to know, a JPEG file is compressed. Thar is what you won’t for viewing our printing are posting on the Internet but a lot of image information has been lost. To get those beautiful marks on your bottom you need to process the RAW image, which has a lot more image information, in Photoshop. You can bring out the evidence of a good spanking quite easily that way.
When I spank a woman always offered her high quality photos, and most women enjoy these. So it’s not that hard or expensive and is worth the effort. Now I’m sure as you know from your commercial video work, to get the kind of quality you would see on a high-end commercial site you need to set up lights. That involves a different level of skill and some more equipment, and of course it takes some time. If you really get into producing the best you would want to do that, but if you just get away from those JPEG files you’ll go a long way. One note in closing don’t get discouraged if you look at RAW file that doesn’t look very good. A JPEG file looks much better than unprocessed RAW file. As I said raw files are not for viewing they are for processing into much better JPEG files.
OBB — I used to think it was a generational thing, how I felt. Then I saw pictures of a 75-year-old porn star.
Mouse — good voice of reason there, thank you!
Photographer friend — thank you for this! Honestly? I don’t know what kind of camera Steve has, except it’s complex with a lot of whistles and bells on it. And that he doesn’t have the faintest idea how to use any of them. I think he bought way too much camera. As for me, I have a poor-woman’s version of Photoshop called Pic Monkey. I can’t do anything really sophisticated with it, but I can do basics like tweak the exposure, crop, resize, and remove my age spots. 🙂 Considering my lack of funds and lack of time for learning all this valuable stuff, and also considering my age, I’d say it’s not worth getting into it at this stage. But I appreciate the information; it’s interesting. And thank you for the compliment.
Clear choices, and fair ones – and well compatible with frequently surprising your audience here,
Erica – I don’t find it a strange paradox at all!
Nor do I believe it a generational thing either. Simply, and to put it in other terms, you have limits and that is great that you do and on what you will share; plus you have specific tastes of what you like.
In general, I do think there are degrees of nudity though. I don’t generally think nudity of itself as extreme. However close up of genitalia I find off-putting in most contexts. I often find full nudity in spanking videos unnecessary as well.
However to be complex, as we all are, I do like some spankings that lead to sex and (sometimes share those images), but I don’t think all spankings need to fully sexual especially since the spanking I prefer to administer most are in the “disciplinary” context.
Thanks for sharing and hope my explanation isn’t too confusing.
MrJ — do I? good. 🙂
Enzo — no, not at all. Thank you. I think I struggle with this because I have encounter people who can’t understand why I’m perfectly OK with showing my butt, but I’m squeamish about my genitalia, and other people’s as well (unless I know them). It’s hard to explain the difference to people who just don’t see it. Perhaps I should stop fretting about it. (Then again, fretting about stuff is what I do.)
Perhaps because people want to define others in simple broad terms, because understanding that we are all complex is too much work. I get misunderstood all the time.
Can’t stop you from fretting about it, but I can guarantee there are some people who will never get it.
Of course I have to mentally compare your two photos before I can address anything you actually *wrote* in the post 🙂 FWIW, I much prefer the second because it’s dark, you have a lovely red bottom that’s arched up, your panties are down but visible (and it looks like you’ve been neatly prepared for it). I guess, as a spanko, I can imagine walking by a room and having this glimpse right after your bare bottom was spanked, when the sounds of the paddle meeting flesh were just dying out in the room. One thing that’s missing, like Emeril Lagasse’s “Smell-O-Vision” I guess, is the accompanying sound. (Audio clips of your spankings would be aesthetically pleasing to many of your readers, just sayin’.)
Not to say that I don’t enjoy sex, but having genitalia displayed explicitly (in my face?) isn’t nearly as sexy as a spanked bottom. There, I’ve said it out loud! Anyway, I think you’re on a perfect trajectory 🙂
Enzo — yup, you’re right.
Anonymous — thank you. 🙂
Mm, that second picture is too delicious for words. And yes, my imagination is working overtime! 😉 x
Sweetsong — see, imagination is good! 🙂