Correspondence Hall of Shame, 2/5
Yes, kids, it’s that time again! Didn’t think I’d be able to sneak this in today as I was busy with work, but I finished in time and have some to spare before I head to John’s. So, enjoy.
i would love to spank your bottom until it is very red and you are soaking wet. i have a collection of tools and a bondage bench for women just like you. I can introduce you to some very kinky bottom play.
You know, I do have a name. But let’s overlook that for a moment. What I can’t overlook is that you call yourself “Doctor Enema.” No, thanks.
Hi wats up bb wanna have fun
Big surprise, I ignored this one. And then the next day, same guy:
Hi sexxy I love to spank some ass n then I will licked n fucked rough
N then I deleted this one too.
The next one falls under the “Did you even read my profile?” subhead:
hi, I’m xxxx,
I am seeking a slave to serve and please my Dom. i have fallen ill & can not serve as i used too. if you ever had this fantasy of serving as a slave and being used for a man’s pleasure, or if you have served before. then please take a look at our profile. My Sir is is a well known Fetish Photographer, that is why we have a playroom/dungeon. Sir has a huge cock (tho he’ll deny it) which he loves to use on moaners or screamers, he loves anal (which he does really really well). lol we are just trying to find sluts willing to have him take you as many times he pleases, who won’t ever say no to his cock, & who are clean.
I’m so sorry. But I’m afraid that after reading this crap, I have fallen ill as well. Perhaps he can photograph my ass as I walk away.
And finally, this one was extra special. First, the message:
i luv 2 spank u with my bare hand
i understand u hav a regular playmate, but i’d luv 2 paddle ur fanny.
Ha! i didn’t say ass–lol.
I’m obsessed with boobs, I still think fart’n is funny, and my funniest humor is naughty/inappropriate. Do you think you can handle me?
talk 2 me
And then, his profile description:
An easy-going, educated, conservative, patriotic, God-fearing Dominant Veteran
in search of a sexy, low-maintenance, easy-going, conservative, patriotic, God-fearing (no muslims or athiests. agnostics ok) sub.
How many things can be wrong with one correspondence? (I won’t even go into the picture he had on his profile — shudder.) And if he’s so educated, why does his message make a texting teenager look like a rocket scientist?
Let’s review, shall we, Mr. ‘Murica? I’m not a sub, I don’t have enough boobage for you to obsess over, I’m hardly easy-going. Oh, and did I mention that I’m indeed an atheist (and I know how to spell it correctly), I’m pro-choice, and I voted for Obama? Twice? No Muslims, huh? How do you feel about Jews? Nah, probably don’t like them much either.
You may not have said ass, but you certainly are one. Go wave your flag somewhere else.
Ah, I feel a little better now. I’m a bit grumpy today, having found out that my @#$%ing dental insurance does not cover root canals after all, and I have to pay for the one I had in December in full. What the hell? What kind of dental insurance doesn’t have any coverage, at least in part, for a root canal? Arrrgh. Oh well. Guess I need to switch providers, which is always a hoot and a holler. Never mind, life goes on, and I’m off to see my sweetheart.
Have a great weekend, y’all. 🙂