Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Social media, spankos, and me

It’s not secret that I’m a bit of a social media addict. I currently have nearly 15,000 tweets on Twitter (I’m not proud of this, BTW). I enjoy Twitter; it’s a fun way to stay connected with everything that’s going on, and I’ve made some interesting friends on there. I stay out of the flame wars and enjoy the hashtag games. But of course, it’s limited. You can’t exactly be profound in 140 characters. And oftentimes, as I’ve said before, it feels like the 21st-century techno version of talking to yourself.

Then there’s Facebook. Vanilla land, although there are many spankos on there. I straddle two fences there. I use Erica Scott, as I do pretty much everywhere. But because I have many vanilla friends on there, or spanko friends under their vanilla names, I avoid spanking talk and photos. Oh, there’s hinting and playing at it. But I’m discreet. What do I like about FB? I love to play Scrabble and Words With Friends. I like looking at my friends’ pictures. I’m a sucker for all the cute animal videos. I like keeping up with the authors of spanking e-books, as I copy-edit several of them. But I can only hang around there so often. The political and religious stuff is hot and heavy there and I find myself getting angry. I realize that underneath my anger is a lot of fear over what the hell is happening to us and what’s going to happen, but I can’t fix that and immersing myself in it is not good for me and my depressive tendencies.

Aaaaand then there’s FetLife. From which I’m still deactivated, and have been for about a month now. It feels a little strange, like there’s a hole in my online life. But I feel like in many ways, going there was like beating a dead horse. It simply wasn’t what it used to be: a fun place to connect with all my kinky friends, talk about spanking, share thoughts and fantasies and memories, make new friends. FetLife currently has millions of members; I was member number 16,919. So we go way back.

There’s a lot I don’t miss on FetLife. For example:

  1. “[Our party] is the best/most well attended/most inclusive party and has the most cool kids and spanking models!” “No, [party B] is!” “No, [party C] is!” “[Your party] sucks!” “No, yours does!” “No, yours!” “You suck!” “No, you do!”
  2. Dick pics, twat shots and wide-open back door pictures where you can practically count the feet of intestines.
  3. Endless pontificating from the handful of “experts” who could post the Gettysburg Address and have it land on Kinky and Popular.
  4. Stuff like “[A well-known top] is awesome, and if you don’t like him, then fuck you!” Worship of false idols.
  5. The never-ending barrage of accusations — an almost daily report of whose consent got violated. There was an epic flame war over a woman who claimed her consent was violated at a private spanking party. Why? Because the host jokingly referred to her as “naughty.” I kid you not. This one did this, this one said that… and the result is when someone really is raped/violated, it’s not taken seriously.
  6. Inappropriate comments and insults on women’s pictures. I say “women” because I honestly haven’t seen them on men’s photos, but I’m sure those exist too. Treating the spanking models like they’re sexy life-sized dolls there for your entertainment, rather than like the real people they are.
  7. “Which celebrity would you like to spank/be spanked by?” “What’s your favorite implement/position/word for bottom?” “Is spanking sexual?” being brought up and discussed for the 11,527th time in a new thread.
  8. Flaming, bullying and sock puppetry. So many fakes that one never really knows who and what is real.

Oh, but… I do miss things too. Such as:

  1. The way the community could band together when someone is in need. A couple of years ago, a beloved long-time member of the scene had a massive heart attack and nearly died. He was incapacitated and couldn’t pay a lot of his immediate bills. A GoFundMe (or something similar, I can’t recall for sure) was organized for him, with a goal of $10,000. That was surpassed in just two days. I think they ended up with about $17,000 for him. Another member had serious complications with a high-risk pregnancy and ended up giving birth prematurely — she too nearly died. A collection was taken up for her as well.
  2. Fun, silly, playful stuff, friends enjoying each other. One of my favorites: when our friend Piper was “grounded” from FetLife and a bunch of us were pleading with her top to “free” her and let her come back. Some of us even taped little videos of our pleas, including yours truly. I actually sang.
  3. Post-party discussions about our favorite memories.
  4. My wall filled with greetings on my birthday.
  5. Unexpected messages/comments that brightened my day.
  6. Connecting with my friends and feeling “a part of.” Right now, I feel disconnected and sad. I feel unmissed and insignificant. But then again, they are probably feeling like I abandoned them. I read a depressing meme on Facebook recently: Something along the lines of “If your disappearance didn’t affect your friends’ lives, then your existence probably didn’t either.” Ugh. Not what I needed to see.

So where does one go to connect online with other kinksters? Is that a place that simply doesn’t exist anymore? Is it all about photos and hookups and parties and little else? Part of me wants to go back to FetLife; another part says, “Why?” I know I don’t want to just yet, not when the national party season is in full swing. I’m not going to any of them and I don’t need to read about them.

It’s all part of the “where do I go from here” thing I’ve been dealing with. I had a sense of belonging for a very long time, something I spent most of my life without. Now, I am questioning where I belong. With John, of course. With Steve. In video archives. But where else? That’s a rhetorical question — I’m not expecting any answers. The spanking community is and has been important to me for a long time, and I want to continue to be a part of it, to contribute to it. I’m just not sure how.

Anyway. Enough of this meandering. I have to go get a pedicure. Tomorrow, I’m going with John to his high school’s 40-year reunion and he wants to show off his “hot girlfriend.” (Looking at my sloppy self at the moment and thinking “WTF??”). I don’t think he needs me there, really. He has a good job, a good career, two residences, and will probably be the only guy there who is still fit and trim and has hair. But what the hell… it’s just a couple of hours. I won’t know anyone there, but I’ll smile and nod and fake my way through it. Like I did for years and years at his family events, of which we have been relieved, thank you very much. And I’ll get to go home with the best guy there. ♥

Have a great weekend, y’all.

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15 thoughts on “Social media, spankos, and me

  1. Anonymous on said:

    On Fetlife, I’m mostly empathetic with sincere celebrity/implement posts figuring many are from people approaching it with new eyes, and I guess I’m a bit of an optimist because I always hope someone will respond with something a little different from the last 10,000 responses. Maybe funny, quirky, whatever. And gosh darn it (with nods to your early mom), I’m going to keep hoping!

    The most tiring to *me* are the “Any spankos/spankees/spankers/doms/subs-wanting-their-wicked-ass-beat-until-tears-of-blood-run-down-their-face in …?” (filling in a location of choice). Second, and maybe even running neck and neck with dick pics for irritation factor, is the “Who wants to spank me?” post. The fact is I’m obsessed with spanking and would probably spank anything drawing a breath *except* for the poster of that gem. No, I don’t want to spank you – I want the group moderator to ruthlessly cut the legs off off of any future for that one.

    Anyway, those small complaints aside, I like some of the lighter topics (groups) and reading about some kinks/fetishes I hadn’t considered before…


  2. anonymous on said:

    I sooooo nearly died laughing from your sarcastic assessment regarding the flame wars, genital pics, etc… Honestly, I felt like an imposter when I had a Fetlife account. While for some time, I did spend ALOT of time on there researching many topics because I had an irregular work schedule for some time, all along I felt disconnected from most of the members. I never truly felt there was “that perfect” match for my preferences. It seemed if I so much as expressed an IOTA of positive attention to someone, then I was considered “leading them on” after declining play opportunities with people out of my age range preferences, play dynamic, geographic location, etc. It felt like I was in battle with my “friends.”

    Facebook is VERY great for the cute animal videos. I can’t see enough. 🙂
    But the political battle is downright scary. Half of my friends post shit like if you vote for Hillary then unfriend me. Same for Trump. I WISELY refrain from arguing. There’s no way to win. And I still believe in freedom of speech. I just learned to unsee those types of posts.


  3. Anonymous — yeah, the posts trolling for play are annoying. They remind me of the old chat rooms where people could simply jump in and start a cyber spanking scene.

    A. — one feature I love on Facebook is the Unfollow — rather than unfriend people, which hurts feelings, you can unfollow them so you won’t see what they post and they won’t know the difference. I just had to do that with two friends I like a lot, but I cannot handle their constant angry ALL CAPS rants about what a monster Hillary is and how it’s “Bernie or bust.” That’s fine, but what if Bernie isn’t the nominee, then what will they do? Not vote? Vote for Trump? Ack! It makes me nuts! I’ll refollow them when the election is over.


  4. poppamark on said:

    When World Spanking Forum went down from being hacked I turned to Fet Life for interaction. My rule is simple, I post positive or do not post at all.
    However the WSF is back and we are desperately trying to get the word to existing members and bring new ones in. We would welcome your wit and wisdom there miss Erica.


    • Chibob on said:

      Let me second poppamarks invitation. I don’t really care for fetlife and from what you write it sounds like it is descending into the same unpleasantness fell victim to. It seems the haters show up and take over every site on the internet.


  5. Poppa — when I belonged to WSF years ago, the impression I got was that it was mostly a forum centered around the Real Spankings films and their stars. Is that no longer the case?

    Chibob — FetLife simply got too big. It lost its charm and community feel. What’s sad is that so many people I do like are still there, but I hate shoveling through all the chaff to find the wheat.


    • poppamark on said:

      Poppa — when I belonged to WSF years ago, the impression I got was that it was mostly a forum centered around the Real Spankings films and their stars. Is that no longer the case?”

      Most of the time that is the case what some of us members really are trying to do is expand the discussion topics. Any topic is Ok and some of the past discussion could have used your wit and wisdom. Besides having a little more feminine wisdom and input is always a good thing!


  6. ORDaddy on said:

    As someone who only got to know you a bit at last year’s Shadow Lane Party, I am sad that You are no longer on FetLife. I hope you aren’t done with the spanking scene but of course will respect any decision you make because . . . You deserve that respect. I had to come find you here because I discovered your FetLife account had been suspended. Was hoping to connect this year in Las Vegas. The banter was too much fun last year!

    I wish you well!


  7. OR — I remember you! I didn’t completely leave FetLife; I just temporarily deactivated my account. I can reactivate it whenever I choose. No, I’m not done with the spanking scene. It’s in my blood, in my heart. I’m just not sure where my place in it is, these days, now that I’m older and so much has changed. But not to worry, I will be at Shadow Lane this year, as always. Promise.


  8. Jadelyn Mathias on said:

    Hiya Erica ♡ I agree with everything you said on here 🙂 How did it go at the reunion? Hope you had a Lovely time 😉 I bet you and John were the best looking and best dressed there 🙂 ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade / Emily Jean xoxoxoxo ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ t


  9. Jade — well, it was very casual, a backyard potluck, so no one was dressed up. But I thought John was the best-looking man there. 🙂


  10. (sigh) Your second #6 is totally where I am at now regarding my blog. I have the want to come back, but I don’t know what I’d talk about anymore. Also, I fear I have been gone too long and I don’t know if I want to start over again. I stopped getting comments even before I pulled away from blogging so I already feel like I never really had a place anyway, like no one cares that I’ve fallen off. Maybe one day I’ll come back to it, but today I’m not ready.

    Sometimes I wish we lived closer to each other, because sometimes a simple hug from someone who understands what you are feeling and going through can help so much more than text on a screen.

    I’m sorry this comment sounds so depressing…


  11. Jay — please don’t apologize. I understand completely how you’re feeling. I wish I could offer up some wisdom, but alas, I have none. You’re right, though… as reclusive as I am, there is no substitute for the one-on-one closeness of a nearby friend one can see in person.

    Blogs take a very long time to establish an audience, especially nowadays with so many of them. I think if you had been around a while longer, you would have gained more of an audience. But I get that feeling of not knowing what to post. I’m not going to force it anymore. If I have something to say, I’ll say it. When I run out, then I will say goodbye.


  12. Erica this is a GREAT well thought out post. Brought out a wide range of emotions as I was reading it. I admire your ability to self evaluate, and knowing what to avoid to keep the negative crap away.

    I guess the simple answer is, if the positive outweighs the bad with something, then you should stick around. If the reverse then take a break from it. And obviously you’re the only one that can make that determination.

    Also the stuff about knowing your place, and where you should go from here will sort itself out. Hang in there!


  13. spankaholic — thanks. My emotions get in the way of my evaluation skills at times, but fortunately, reason eventually prevails.


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