Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Partially OT: Rumor has it…

So what’s trending in social media today, besides election crap ad nauseam and whatever the Kardashian/Jenner clan have been up to? Some are saying that hyper screaming-Mimi exercise guru Richard Simmons has been secretly transitioning into a woman. I really couldn’t care less one way or another, but every time I see this guy, I’m taken back to the 70s.

I’ve mentioned before that I knew him then… as a maitre d’. Yes, that’s right. When I was 14-15 years old, he was the host at an Italian/Continental restaurant/bar that one of my dad’s closest friends owned. We went there at least once a week, oftentimes more.

What was Mr. Simmons like back then? Exactly the same as he is now, except he wore long pants and a collared shirt. Same wild hair, same loud, pushy demeanor. I honestly don’t know how he got this job, or how he kept it. He was obnoxious. He’d butt into conversations, sit on the arm of the plush dining chairs and poke his nose into what we were eating. He once told me that I was too fat to be eating fettuccine Alfredo. (He was right, but it still wasn’t his place to say so.)

(If I’ve told this story before, forgive me. I’m old.) One time, I had ordered shrimp salad. I knew of the chef’s penchant for covering salads with black pepper, which I hate, so I specifically said, “No pepper, please.” When Richard brought me my salad, sure enough — tons of black pepper. So I asked him to take it back. “Oh, come on,” he snapped at me. I insisted, and he left in a huff. A few minutes later, he came back with a fresh salad, plunked it down in front of me so hard the lettuce jumped a little, and said, “Here you go, spoiled brat.”

Ha. I guess he got that part right. *snicker*

It was shortly after this job that he got interested in health and fitness (I guess that was partially due to watching a bunch of people consume platefuls of heart-attack food), opened his first gym, and the rest is history.

Just another little tidbit from my crazy past. In other, more on-topic news — Steve came over yesterday! Finally! He showed up at the door, announcing, “Hi, you called 1-800-SPANK-YOU?” I really, really needed this; I was one big ball of leftover tension from the day before. I had not yet learned out to work the navigation thingamajig on my new phone, and I had to drive someone unfamiliar. I Mapquested it, but the directions turned out to be vague and open for interpretation (and of course, I interpreted them the wrong way), and I got ridiculously, hopelessly lost, driving around and around, disoriented, pulling over, trying to figure out how to get directions on my phone, shooting texts, pulling back into traffic, getting lost again, pulling over again… UGH!! This is what happens when a Baby Boomer tries to be a Millennial! The good news? Steve showed me how to work Google Maps on my phone and get the spoken directions, so this won’t happen again. And oh, a lot of my tension is gone. 😀  No pictures this time, sorry. We were too busy making up for lost time.

I have lots of work (yay!), and I need to get to the gym, so I’m out of here. Happy Hump Day.

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13 thoughts on “Partially OT: Rumor has it…

  1. Anonymous on said:

    So why didn’t he decide to transition when he was younger .. I wonder … he has always acted like a 70’s drag queen in spite of his claimed heterosexual life style. Never understood this guy .. why was he so popular albeit among middle aged obese women when he had the physique of a androgenous grape? I can picture him as a restaurant host in with a colorful, flamboyant following but I digress … Bruce Jenner was a surprise but not Richard … no surprise there. Keep the faith Erica!

    The Grinch

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  2. Anonymous on said:

    Hi Erica,
    You old…perish the thought…you are but a baby (at most a youff). I am enough of a baby boomer to be completely bamboozled by “smart phones” so usually revert to a paper street directory.
    Good news about the tension reliever!
    Downunder Don

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  3. Grinch — well, right now it’s just an online rumor, and we know how those can be rather undependable. But yeah… if it were true, I wouldn’t be surprised!

    Don — I cannot read a map. I never could. So I depend on either printed directions or the voice commands on a cell (“Turn right. Turn left. In a 1/4 mile, turn left.”) And I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to activate those damned commands on my new phone! (sigh)

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  4. When they said he was hospitalized for strange behavior , I wondered how in the hell they could tell ???

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  5. Dad — HA! Good point.

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  6. Mother of goats. Simmons always has been a schmuck! I always love your stories!!

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  7. Ariel on said:

    I’ve never heard anyone else describe that disorientation while driving around lost. You’ve just described my MO for ever driving anywhere. And if the directions are simple and the street I’m looking for shows up immediately, I discount it as being too easy and therefore wrong, don’t take the street and wind up lost. Or the streets are where they should be but I don’t expect them and don’t notice until it’s too late to turn without winding up on someone’s lawn. Not a plus for you, but I’m glad to see I’m not alone.

    And Grinch, the description of Simmons as having the physique of an androgynous grape is a perfect turn of phrase.

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  8. Dave — I don’t think a goat’s mother had anything to do with Richard Simmons being a schmuck. (Isn’t that the best word ever?) 😉

    Ariel — no, you’re not alone! To make things worse, I seem to have an innate sense of direction that is completely wrong. Given the choice of two ways to go — the right way or the wrong way — I will almost always choose the wrong way. Sometimes when we’re driving, and I choose the correct turn, John puts his hand on my forehead to see if I’m sick.

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    • Ariel on said:

      Oh, yes! I understand John’s response. I get that too (or if we actually don’t hit a red light even though I’m in the car. That’s my superpower, and a useless one it is, too, making traffic lights turn red.) I also *always* know which way is north. Only (1) who cares? and (2) no, I don’t, I just think I do. I did learn to read a map in a mad moment of clarity when lost in Japan Town in San Francisco, and still can, but maps are apparently out of style. I miss maps. They didn’t lie like GPS does.

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  9. Anonymous on said:

    I don’t know why but I got caught up in just one part of your post, and that was him poking his nose in your food. Please tell me that wasn’t literal because I can imagine otherwise…please…

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  10. Anonymous — LOL! No, he didn’t literally shove his nose into my food. He’d just perch on the arm of my chair and make commentary about what I was eating (and generally that I shouldn’t be eating it).

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  11. Jadelyn Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica ♡ If I remember correctly wasn’t Simmons on a show called Slim good body or something like that? I remember he would wear this weird outfit with organs of the body on it. HAHAHAHAHA LOL 😉 Poor Erica he would bother you on what you would eat. You should of said I eat whatever the bloody hell I want LOL. Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade / Emily Jean ♡ xxxxxx

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  12. Jade — he did have exercise programs — a famous one was called “Sweatin’ to the Oldies.” He also used to have gyms called Anatomy Asylum.

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