Fair warning, kids
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. But the simple truth is, I haven’t felt like writing.
I haven’t felt like doing much of anything, really. My sense of responsibility gets my work done. My sense of vanity gets me to the gym… barely. But other than the necessary basics, all I really want to do is sleep. The rest, I drag myself through kicking and screaming inside. My nerves are shot.
No, it’s not depression. It’s a soul sickness, a deep well of frozen fear and anxiety, a profound sense of powerlessness over all the ugliness and dissension around me — including the helpless rage within my own gut. I know I’m not fooling anyone — you all know who I voted for (already have, by mail). If we’re friends on Twitter or Facebook, you’ve seen what I post. But for the most part, I really, truly tried to keep politics off this blog. I tried to stay on topic. Lately, though, my desire for the topic has waned, along with my libido, my energy, my interest in all things fun. Because I am so consumed with this miserable cesspool of an election. Last week, Steve came over, and we didn’t play. Because I was so despondent, I wasn’t up for it.
So… here is my plan for tomorrow night. I am going to do my best to stay offline. My television will not be tuned into anything but the nostalgia channels or NetFlix. I will not immerse myself in the blow by blow of the incoming results and make myself crazier than I’m already feeling. Then Wednesday morning, I will get up, log on, and cautiously, hopefully, fearfully peek in to see who is president.
And then I will weep. Either in utter despair, or in pure, sweet relief.
If those tears are indeed of relief, once I pick myself up off the floor, I’m coming on here and posting an epic rant, the likes of which you’ve never seen from me before. I’m going to give a certain person a torrential tirade of profanity and contempt, a single-finger sendoff. I’m going to get all the poison out of my system, once and for all, and move on.
Why? Because I want to, and it’s my damn blog. Because I need to.
So… stay tuned. Or not. Your choice.