Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Sorry… no rant

Just complete despair.

I did not make it through last night staying offline. I should have turned off my cell as well, but I didn’t… and all the upset messages from friends came through.

I did not sleep very well.

Last night, hatred won. Last night, racism, misogyny, xenophobia, elitism and ignorance won. Last night, our nation’s biggest nightmare became a sick reality show. Last night, a man who cannot even control his temper in the middle of the night on Twitter got our nuclear codes.

Welcome to the New Order. Welcome to The Donald Show.

I am sick. And afraid. So very afraid.

EDIT:  It’s now 8:20 P.M. The first day has passed. I have wept copious tears. I managed to do a bit of work, but now I have to stop, because my eyes are so swollen I can barely see. I tried going to the gym, and left after 15 minutes. Just couldn’t do it.

I stayed off social media for the most part today. I think I will probably do so for a while. Because all I’m seeing is a lot of anger and fear on one side, and a lot of gloating and cheering on the other. But hey, David Duke of the KKK is happy. Today, someone spray-painted “Sieg Heil 2016” — complete with swastika — on a window in Philadelphia.

Something else I saw a lot of today: people sneering at those of us who are upset and sad. I saw a lot of “oh, stop with the melodrama,” “quit crying and get over it,” “buck up and shut up” — that sort of thing. So compassionate.

People are protesting all over, from New York to Chicago to Los Angeles. I don’t know what they’re hoping to accomplish. It’s too late. The hashtag #NotMyPresident is all over Twitter. Yes, he IS our president; well, will be in a couple of months. All the tweeting and protesting in the world won’t change that. We have to mourn, and then hopefully move on and do the best we can.

I wonder if I will ever feel like playing again. Right now, my desire is gone. And my heart is broken.

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48 thoughts on “Sorry… no rant

  1. I’m with you. My wife and I are grieving and I’ve been reaching out to various friends and chosen family for mutual support. I know we’ve never met, Erica, but I consider you part of my chosen family. Let’s get through this all working together – those of us who are racially inclusive, respect women as equals to men, welcome diversity of culture and nationality, and who understand that logic and science are important because they work and are necessary.

    Thank you for caring enough and having the courage to share your pain. You are not alone. We’re not alone.

    Like

  2. I couldn’t concentrate for most of the morning at work. All my co-workers congratulating each other on “making America great again”…I just don’t understand. I didn’t realize how much America has NOT really changed at all. Feeling pretty lonely and disheartened as well…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You certainly are not alone. Today, I had a discussion with some 30 young people, all very concerned and disturbed.
    We are with a lot. We have a good cause. We have nothing tom fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michael on said:

    It’s only for 4 years or 8 at the most. For 60 years we have been stuck with a Head of State who believes in the divine right to rule.

    You will cope and who knows he could turn out to be good for you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jay — I thought America was great, the past eight years. I thought we took a giant step up, electing Obama, for two terms, yet. I thought we had progressed. Then we stumbled and fell all the way back down the stairs.

      MrJ — I’m done with the cause. I spent the last few months immersed in the cause, and look where it got me/us.

      Michael — thank you. Respectfully — no. He won’t.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Graham on said:

    I felt like this when Blair got in here,and we ended up having nine years of the pasty faced twat, the world is changing now and the fact is Erica politicians are not listening to people, they think they have a divine right from God to rule and people are getting fed up, the only way these people will listen is to kick them out, we started the ball rolling over here with Brexit and it seems to have gone over the water to you, and you`ve done the same thing only times 10.
    I`ve dropped hints to you over the last few months about DT because I could see this coming a mile off, and I could feel how scared you was, but I`m a honest kinda fella and I think things will be just fine………..

    Like

  6. Anonymous on said:

    Well the worm turned ( Shock/Horror) I have always said that the U.S has never faced up to the reality of its history, as Malcolm X said : Plymouth rock landed on us……..
    Anyway, your smile in that picture where you list your attributes and traits worth a million Trumps.
    Anon from overseas.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Graham — I wish I could believe you’re right.

    Anon — that smile is gone. I don’t know when it will be back.

    Like

  8. I’m totally with you, Erica. I feel betrayed too–its stupid #brexit all over again and all the exit polls and opinion polls, even up to hours before the election ended, (according to Australian media, and we’re GMT+11 right now due to daylight savings on the east coast–which means even up to election morning for the US,) were favouring Hillary. And then Trump went and steamrollered her, and it came from blinking NOWHERE. The “free world” now has a PUMPKIN for a leader. And I feel betrayed. And I couldn’t vote, cause I’m not American, so all I can do is express an opinion.

    The worst bit is that this time the cliched comparison appears to be sickeningly, terrifyingly, valid. Still, there’s time for him to prove me wrong, I hope.

    You want to hear something ironic? The last republican president closely associated with a divisive wall is famous for demanding it be torn down. (Reagan, 1989) The new guy’s republican. And he’s famous for wanting to BUILD an equally divisive wall. (Trump, 2015-ish)

    Obviously more chocolate and re-runs are required to help me cope. Good luck with them yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Right there with you. Can’t sleep, concentrate, and I keep shaking like something is going to happen ::right now:: At one point today something snapped. There’s a list on Jezebel whether one cares for the site or not of organizations from amnesty to women’s rights to reproductive rights to immigration and many, many others — those that could use help. I am definitely not preaching this, we all have to make our way through this unbelievable event — it’s just something that hit me that I want to fight. It comes and goes, alternating with shaking and a few tears, powerlessness and fear. Mostly I just want to wake up because this really cannot be true.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Terri — funny how I am hearing from so many people who DON’T live here. I’d do anything to be hanging out with any of you right now, where you are.

      Ariel — my fight is gone. I went to my Twitter page and deleted most of the comments/pictures about That Person. The only ones I couldn’t delete were retweets of other people’s. I tried to go to the gym today, but I made it through 15 minutes and had to leave… I couldn’t cope with the noise and the people around me. I am hoping the passage of a few days will help.

      Meanwhile, I’m staying off social media for the most part. It’s pretty ugly there.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. The non-racist, non-misogynists, non-xenophobics, et.al. got tired of being called racists, misogynists and xenophobics.

    Like

    • OBB — After months of seeing rhetoric like “Kill the n*****r” and “Kill that c***t,” and being attacked myself because I’m Jewish (“Oh, one of those libtard Jews, figures”), I’m not seeing the “non” part.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anonymous on said:

      Thank God someone here had the balls to speak up.
      I’m so sick and tired of the ignorant, misinformed, uneducated, biased, spoiled brat liberals who like little children overdosed on sugar, cry, whine and go into tantrums when they don’t get their way. Too bad.
      This country will never unify until they grow up and become adults.

      Like

      • Anonymous — 1. Thanks for showing, yet again, what’s wrong with this country. No, it’s not people like me, it’s people like you — hostile, nasty, taking anonymous shots at others. 2. If you think this way of me, then stop wasting your time (and mine) and don’t read my blog anymore. 3. This country will never unify, period. Not as long as we have a broken two-party system that ensures that every 4-8 years, half the country is happy and half is miserable.

        Like

      • Anonymous on said:

        No Erica, it’s people like you. You just proved my point. You didn’t like what I had to say, you did what all spoiled little brats do, you told me I can’t play with your toys.
        Typical liberal, just can’t be reasoned with.
        Don’t fret, I’ll leave your blog for good. Don’t want to upset you or your misguided thinking.
        I bet you only get spanked on the left side of your ass

        Like

      • Anonymous – Talk about uneducated. You clearly have no idea why people voted against hatred. All you seem to be educated on is how to bully people who do not agree with you. Where in either of your comments did you explain coherently how those of us who don’t agree with you are “misguided”? I’m not saying to turn this into a name-calling thread. I would just like those who disagree to point out facts about policies that maybe some of us might have misinterpreted…to be willing to sympathize with our fears and help us get passed them if we truly are “misguided” even if I believe we are not. That’s how you have a civil debate.

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  11. Michael on said:

    Now you know how I felt 8 yeas ago when a nobody with no experience was elected and then re-elected after doing nothing for the first 4 years.
    You are old enough to remember other elections that were cruel and hateful, this was not the first

    Like

    • Michael — it makes me sad that so many people seem to hate a man I had the highest respect and admiration for, and still do. But I’m not going to argue with you. I just don’t have the heart for it now.

      Like

    • I don’t really know how you felt, because what I’m feeling is a deep sense of dread and grief because a narcissistic fascist with no regard for civil rights or equality or the environment or the truth or logic has now been elected to serve as President. So many have demonstrated, protested, been beat up, lynched, over the years in this struggle for equal opportunity and treatment under the law. And we rightfully worry about what could happen.

      So no, it’s hardly the same feeling.

      Like

  12. Anonymous on said:

    I had the strangest feeling around 9:30 last night after seeing all the checked off victory states posted on FB that he was going to win. I tried to go to sleep and woke up from broken sleep after midnight. Then I got panicked. Today I was in utter shock like someone had literally died because I soooo believed Hillary was going to win and would have been a fantastic President. To be honest I was LIVID when she lost the nomination to Obama in 2008. That’s irrelevant now.
    This is awful to say though that I was fearful if she did win that she might get assassinated since so many people loathe her.
    Her concession speech was inspiring though. She’s a smart woman and a bigger person than credit shows.

    Liked by 1 person

    • A. — honestly, I had the same fear. There was so, so much hate for her. And Trump’s fans were threatening all sorts of riots and mayhem if she won. I saw people tweeting that she should be assassinated. So… I guess we’re spared that, at least. (sigh) Small consolation.

      Liked by 2 people

  13. Ashley on said:

    I am so sorry Erica. I am Canadian. I had to turn off the TV early last night so I could actually get some sleep without panic attacks. I woke up this morning to the horrible news and cried for half an hour before I could get up and drag myself through the rest of the day.
    I have family in middle east and I am heartsick wondering if that lunatic will start another pointless war for no other reason but to prove that America can “win again” at something.
    You are not alone. Let’s hope that he will at least be somewhat muzzled in the time the world has to tolerate him.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Ashley — I’m so sorry about your family worries. At least I don’t have to deal with that.

    My stepmother was born during the Great Depression. Today, she wrote to me that she was born in one of the darkest eras in American history, and she will most likely die in yet another one, this one we’re facing. That broke my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Anonymous on said:

    Im mostly sad from the election Not sure if so much of our country is truly that hateful or that gullible. This is the first election ive been scared of one candidate winning Really hope congress keeps him in check

    Liked by 1 person

  16. For the UMPTEENTH time. Just say NO to ALL forms of social media. It isn’t healthy for you. I’m sitting here stunned. I knew that Hillary was a deeply deeply flawed candidate with lots of haters and detractors, but I never expected this. I made a small donation to her campaign and voted for her despite her many flaws. Maybe I was in denial but I expected a very different outcome. 😱😢

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Anonymous — he won the electoral vote, not the popular. And a lot of people didn’t vote at all, or voted for independents, which was pretty much like throwing their votes away. The worst of his followers seem like a lot because they’re the loudest.

    Mike — there was just too much hate for her. But there was plenty for him too. I was hoping, but as things got close, I had a sinking feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Don’t lose hope. I detested Thatcher, we survived her, she was booted out too.
    Trump doesn’t look like a man who expected to win. He looks like he’s shitting himself. He’s hugely unpopular, has a party who don’t respect him and no clue about accountability – he’s not even got shareholders. It’s who he puts around him that matters. As for my friends here, we’re all gobsmacked. Regardless of his politics, which being America is to the right of most of our politicians anyway, to elect such an obnoxious character as leader is unbelievable. Leadership is all about character. Let him build his wall, walls can come down, look at Berlin. Let him spout on about being great – it’s rhetoric, no country is great, because human nature is to be unsatisfied with what we have. There are far worse countries to live in than the US or Europe.
    Grieve yes, but please don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Erica: For any of those who say “get over it” and the like, please remember how many of them have been unable for eight years to “get over” the election of Obama, to say nothing of twenty-five years of neither “bucking up” nor (especially nor!) “shutting up” about the fact that Hillary Clinton wouldn’t be a standard-issue First Lady…I know you’re superior to them, but I’d say twenty-four hours was a little premature to expect this kind of shock to dissipate. Grieve all you need, and when you’re ready, consider: the morning after, in the hospital with my wife who’s recovering from pneumonia, the attending physician, Indian-born and trained (who somehow made it through all the extra hoops to qualify here after qualifying there, and might reasonably be expected to have qualms about his own treatment going forward into this brave new world), was most concerned for what hardship this might mean for all those who could soon revert to no insurance…that kind of attitude, from that kind of person, is what I’ll be trying to hang on to.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Those that forget history are condemned to repeat it.
    Hitler was legally elected too.

    Like

    • DelFonte — thank you for the positive words. I do know there are worse places to live. My fear is that he will make us as bad as they are. But I guess time will tell.

      Alec — I was thinking about the medical insurance as well. He will repeal the Affordable Care Act as soon as he gets in. I guess I’m lucky that I never used that, because I didn’t qualify for it. Instead, I pay nearly $1000 a month for health insurance. Meh.

      Your point is taken. I will let the gloaters have their gloat. I had already planned that if Hillary won, I was going to have my own final rant on here about CheetoFace NaziPants and then be done, and I would not gloat elsewhere. But everyone else is not me.

      Rene — yup. There’s the rampaging elephant in the room.

      Like

  20. I’m shocked and horrified too. How will Canada fare, since it is well known that our PM had close contact with the Clintons, and Trump never forgets a slight.

    I grieve for America.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    Like

  21. bklynny0856 on said:

    To say, “Don’t feel alone” is not likely to be particularly comforting, but many share your feelings. Aside from the insane rhetoric and attitudes, his “programs” are even more frightening. From economic promises that even Republicans say are nonsense to what I fear will be rollbacks in all of the gains made in civil rights and inclusion it’s shaping up to be 4 long years. About the only positive thing this week was that the garbage was picked up right on time. Hold on as best as you can-the republic is tougher than his hair.

    Like

    • bklyn — thank you. In my head, I know I’m not alone. In my gut, I feel like I am, because it feels like I’ve been thrust into a different world. I know that’s melodramatic, and it will give the people sneering at me more fodder, but it is what it is.

      Like

  22. Nothing but liberal drama. Not the 🇺🇸 that won ww2 & the Cold War. Many Americans have put up with 8 years of a failed Obama administration. Get on with life.🇺🇸

    Like

    • secretspanko on said:

      Obama administration hasn’t exactly failed, and we won the Cold War without the Russian leader cheering because of who we elected as president.

      Like

  23. secretspanko on said:

    Late to the party I know… So as a conservative able bodied white male I should love the outcome of this election right? It’s the triumph over political correctness and liberals!
    You’re not alone, Erica, in your shock and fear and even depression following the outcome. I’m right there with you.

    So here’s my political rant:
    I’d rather Romney or McCain or Kerry or another 4 years of Obama or Bush or Bill Clinton than the choices we were offered. (Or Kasich, or Jeb Bush, or Rubio, even Gingrich or even Perry…)

    Frankly I’m not a fan of Hillary. She’s sharp and wonkish and has experience and I think she would have made an okay president. On the other hand, she’s not an inspiring communicator, not very charismatic and she and Bill have skated pretty close to the edge of corruption for a long time. She was on the wrong side of going to war in Iraq. Her state department emails were found on the laptop of a congressman named Weiner that had been confiscated by the FBI because weiner had been trying to hook up with underage girls. She’s connected with a $400k donation to the wife of the FBI agent investigating her. I have it on second hand (not third or fourth hand) that she’s an absolute to those trying to work out a deal with her and even worse to her subordinates.

    But I voted for her. I never dreamed Trump would win. He scares me. Let’s set aside the things he’s said about women. (I’ve been in locker rooms and been in a fraternity and never heard things like that- and can’t for the life of me understand how religious right folks and leaders supported him because of this) set aside what he’s said about muslims; what he’s said about our allies and foreign policy and what he’s said about economic policies and immigration and the people he’s mentioned to be a part of his team are truly insane and scare me greatly.

    All that to say- even among folks with different perspectives and different political philosophies – you’re not alone. I was/am depressed thinking about it. It will be tough and not fun, but I comfort myself knowing this country IS great already and will survive though. Hang in there.

    Like

  24. I think that we all just need to move. Those who wish to engage± let us remember that society is not just shaped by politics; and that some leaders may get elected but will appear not be able to deliver. And those voter are definitely not the devil incarnated, motly – they may be won for different causes if only they feel heard, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlie-hochschild/the-tea-party-a-sinkhole_b_11761616.html It is important that those who, jointly, can provide better conditions stand ready.
    Those just too desired to engage with the issue: play (yes Erica!) and be happy. There is so much more to life than politics.
    Love

    Like

  25. daveyoung2015 on said:

    I thought we Brits had screwed it up with Brexit (and the insane clown Boris Johnson as foreign secretary) but as always you guys surpassed us. The most difficult statistic to absorb is that after all his insults 53% of white women voted Trump. Have they really such a low sense of self-worth they’ll sell out 40 years of feminism, or was it as this racist revenge for Obama?

    Like

  26. Bill — thanks for stopping by and sharing your kind words.

    SS — it’s good to see you again. Thanks for a civil and well balanced perspective. You know, despite what some may think of me, I’m not a far-left liberal. I’m not out there protesting and wreaking havoc. I’m not abandoning people I care about because they voted differently from me. I believe in the death penalty. And guess what — I wasn’t all that crazy about Hillary either. But I felt she was experienced and presidential. And I was so desperate to keep Trump out, I would have voted for a giant mutant cockroach if it were running against him.

    MrJ — thank you, dear. I know you’re right, and I do know, somewhere in my logical mind, that life, love and play do go on. I’m just not feeling it in my heart right now.

    Dave — I don’t know. I honestly cannot comprehend how any woman, or any minority, voted for Trump. But as to your last question, it’s politics as usual, with our fucked-up two-party system. Half the country is happy, half the country is angry and miserable. And every four to eight years, things flip-flop, and the angry people get to be the happy people. This time, for the most part, the two extremes (far left and far right) voted. The remaining 46.9% of registered voters didn’t bother.

    Like

  27. I’m a little late to the “party” here, but anyway…Hope you’re feeling less desparing by now Erica.
    Trump winning was certainly a surprise, and not really a wellcome one. That being said, I’ve adopted a “wait and see” attitude. The good and bad thing about Trump is that nobody REALLY knows just what exactly he’s going to do as President, and more importantly, what he’ll be able to get through the Senate and House. Because as someone on FB commented to me just after the election, 1) Trump’s been for and against so many of the same things over the years, that there’s no guarantee that he won’t be reversing his position on some of the issues from the campaign during his election period. And 2) despite Trump having a Republican majority in both the House and Senate, half of them can’t stand him, and is not all that likely to vote in favour of some of the more extreme ideas Trump put forth in the election period. Going by how Trump’s behaved himself since the election, there’s also the off chance that the man isn’t a complete loon, and if you sift through the extreme madness, and take his campaign speak as symbolism, rather than at face value, then it isn’t all that he’s been saying that completely off the wall.
    Anyway, let’s see what actually happens, before we all sink into utter despair.
    My personally biggest concerns is his position on the climate and the trade agreements.

    Like

    • CS — you make good points. I honestly don’t think I’m afraid of Trump himself; I am terrified of what he’s unleashed. He’s made it OK to be openly racist and sexist, and now there is a tidal wave of hate crashing down around us. I am not saying this because I’m inundating myself with gloom-and-doom left-wing rhetoric. I have seen examples for myself, in my own circles.

      And I’m terrified of the people he’s choosing to aid him (in other words, be the president for him, because he doesn’t really want to do it). Men like Steve Bannon, known white supremacist, who has proudly led the “alt-right” movement and has said how much he can’t stand “those whiny Jews.”

      So yes, unfortunately… I am still very much in despair.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Elizabeth Jane on said:

    Erica, come back. Things will go on. And when the voters look around in a couple years to decide if America is “great again”, at least they’ll be blaming the right guy next time for everything they don’t like. The American people have spoken so let’s just see if they really want all they’re going to get.
    I know, it’s deeply creepy now, but maybe it will do something good on the long term. Trump dug up a lot of ugliness that was simmering down deep in people’s selves. That brings it out into the daylight for us to better see and work on it. Maybe that’s better than pretending it wasn’t there in the first place.
    Or maybe not, I don’t really know. But come back, Erica, the world didn’t shut down yet, and you have many like-minded friends who support you.

    Like

    • EJ — sad that at the same time I got your lovely comment, I got another one that was just the opposite… further reminding me why I don’t want to come back. I have nothing on topic to say; that part of me feels like it died. And if I talk about my feelings, I’m lumped in with a bunch of “whining crybabies” and “libtards.” I’m sorry.

      Like

  29. “Anonymous” posted above as a reply to a reply, but for some reason, I can’t reply directly to it, so I’m pasting it here so everyone can enjoy it.

    “No Erica, it’s people like you. You just proved my point. You didn’t like what I had to say, you did what all spoiled little brats do, you told me I can’t play with your toys.
    Typical liberal, just can’t be reasoned with.
    Don’t fret, I’ll leave your blog for good. Don’t want to upset you or your misguided thinking.
    I bet you only get spanked on the left side of your ass”

    My reply: Dear anonymous — at least I put my name and my face to my “spoiled brat” words — unlike the cowards and bullies hiding behind the anonymity of their computers/phones. Oh, and you’re wrong again, dear. As is evidenced by countless photos and videos, I get spanked on both sides of my ass. And it seems you TALK out of yours. Typical far-right conservative. Bye now.

    And to Jay, who attempted to reason with him/her:

    It’s OK, honey. Don’t bother. They’re not worth your time.

    Like

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