Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

It’s parody time again, kids…

xmasornament

What, you were expecting something sentimental and Yuletide-y? Do you know me?

Anyway… it will surprise no one to read that I’m not feeling the holiday spirit this year. I’m actually working on Christmas Day, by choice. 1. I’m a Grinch, and a Jewish Grinch at that. 2. John is invited to his sister’s house for Christmas dinner. He made an excuse for me without even double-checking if there was a ghost of a chance I might want to go. Good man. I am so done with those people. So he and I will exchange our gifts this weekend.

However, even though I haven’t done this for the past couple of years, I felt the need to carry on my past tradition of writing spanking Christmas carol parodies. This year’s offering is to the tune of “Sleigh Ride.”

Just hear those paddles paddling, crack-crack-crackling too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you
You know the hands are falling with miscreants calling “Boo hoo!”
Oh yes, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

Pull ‘em down, pull ‘em down, pull ‘em way down, go
Right down to your toes
We’re starting with a bottom white as snow
Smack it up, smack it up, smack it harder, pow!
It’s getting red now
We’re spanking along with a song
Of a bratty girl’s dressing down

Our buns are red and rosy and sore and toasty are we
We’re planning pranks together like brats of a feather we’ll be
They’ll say “Oh, you’re in trouble!” and spank our bubble butts too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

There’s a Red Room party at the home of Christian Grey,
He’s a poser but oh well we’re going anyway,
We’ll be writhing on laps of tops we love, and hoping they won’t stop
At the gathering while we watch the paddles pop: Pop! Pop! Pop!
There’s a stinging feeling nothing in the world can buy
When they pass around the spoons and straps and belts, oh my!
It’ll nearly be like a photograph in Janus Magazine
These wonderful toys that abound we’ll remember when we sit down!

Just hear those paddles paddling, crack-crack-crackling too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you
You know the hands are falling with miscreants calling “Boo hoo!”
Oh yes, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with you

Pull ‘em down, pull ‘em down, pull ‘em way down, go
Right down to your toes
We’re starting with a bottom white as snow
Smack it up, smack it up, smack it harder, pow!
It’s getting red now
We’re spanking along with a song
Of a bratty girl’s dressing down

Our buns are red and rosy and sore and toasty are we
We’re planning pranks together like brats of a feather we’ll be
They’ll say “Oh, you’re in trouble!” and spank our bubble butts too
Come on, it’s wood or leather, for a spanking together with youuuu!

I should throw in a disclaimer that never have I ever heard anyone actually say “Boo hoo!” But you know, artistic license. And I made myself laugh when I transformed the line “There’s a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray.”

In closing, remember, Grumpy Cat sings,

“Deck the halls with clumps of furballs
Fa la la la la, go elf yourself!”

grumpycat8

Have a great weekend, y’all. And all snark aside… I hope your holidays, whatever you celebrate, are happy. We could all use some cheer, I think. ♥

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17 thoughts on “It’s parody time again, kids…

  1. bklynny0856 on said:

    Have lots of fun in whatever you do. It’s been great having your snark again. Lots of cheer to you for 2019.

    Like

  2. Hehe, I love it! 🎄❤

    Like

  3. Haha! 🙂
    Hoho!
    Merry Christmas, Erica!

    Like

  4. Your take on the holidays reminds me of the classic line from the Christmas movie Home Alone: Merry Christmas ya filthy animal.

    Like

    • Pam — filthy? Humph! I’ll have you know I just took a shower. (I would add a wink emoji, but stupid WordPress has something screwy in their comment formatting and the emojis end up at the beginning of the line instead of where you put them, which makes no damn sense.)

      Like

      • Wait, wait, wait – I am not calling YOU a filthy animal. I know you love bubble baths too much!! But you DO share that same “festive” holiday attitude as depicted in that line from the movie!

        Like

  5. LOL — I knew that, silly! See, if I would have been able to add that damned wink emoji, all would be clear.

    Like

  6. Jade Mathias on said:

    Hi Erica ❤ That pic and song parody are so funny Lol 😂 I Love it. Grumpy Cat is cute and funny as well 😂 I an glad that you don’t have to go to John’s family house for dinner that would totally SUCK, Merry Christmas to you and John ☺🎄🎁🎅 Love you my beautiful awesome friend.

    Like

  7. Jade — thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    Like

  8. Yorkie69 on said:

    Nice one Erica, I really enjoyed that. Stay safe this holiday!

    Yorkie

    Like

  9. thanks for sharing this with your devoted friends and followers, Erica

    Like

  10. Erica –
    Just catching up on your blog.
    This was great and perhaps your best holiday parody?

    Best,
    Enzo

    Like

  11. Pingback: Okay, okay, here’s the real parody | Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

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