Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Yes, we’re strong, but…

Earlier this morning, a conversation on Twitter got my mind going. A friend was saying how hard it is to let go, to admit that she needs/wants to be taken care of, that her strong, independent and take-charge personality won’t allow it. How many bottoms — women and men — have struggled with this? We work. We function. We struggle and juggle. We make decisions. We pay bills and take care of others. We are responsible. And yet… for many of us, there’s that tiny inner vulnerable person who just wants to give up the control and hand it over to someone stronger.

Me too.

(For the sake of simplicity and my own viewpoint, I’m going to assume the strong female/stronger male dynamic, but please feel free to substitute whatever works for you.)

strongwoman

How do women reconcile their strength, their feminism and independence with that inner need to be taken down, spanked, held and comforted? I’ve heard that question for years and years, and I still don’t know the answer to it. I only know the need is real.

I am fiercely independent to a fault. I am a loner. I have lived alone since I was seventeen years old. And I hate needing people. That is one hell of a clash with the part of me who wants to lie over a man’s lap, feel his strong hand spanking me, and then disappear into his arms. Who wants to hear his voice in my ear, softly crooning, “Shhh. Good girl. That’s my girl. I’ve got you.” Who wants to sob until his shirt is soaked with my tears… knowing he won’t think my crying is ugly.

An old (and honestly, really sexist) song from the movie “Funny Girl” comes to mind, in particular the lyric, “You are woman, I am man. You are smaller, so I can be taller than.” I’m not a small woman; I’m 5′ 7″ flat-footed. I accepted years ago that a lot of men (and play partners) aren’t going to be taller/bigger than I am, and that’s fine. But guess what… yup. There’s still that part of me that yearns to be tiny, that loves the fact that John is 6′ 2″. When I’m barefooted and he’s hugging me, he likes to say, “What are you doing down there?” My answer is always the same: “Looking up at you.”

Does that make me weak? A traitor to the feminist cause? I don’t think so. I’m not looking for a caretaker or a protector. I don’t want to be absolved of all responsibility, to be permanently removed from adulthood. I just want the chance now and then to be vulnerable, to let go and know I have a safety net. To know that if I crack my hard exterior and let the softer, inner me show, that side will be cherished, not crushed.

This is an old picture of a former play partner. Sadly, he showed himself to be someone with whom I can no longer share my vulnerability.  But I still love this picture. And I want this — not him, but this — back in my life again regularly, in my home, in my moments of softness. So, so, so damn much.

vulnerable1

I hope I find it again.

Have a great weekend, y’all.

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14 thoughts on “Yes, we’re strong, but…

  1. I hope you find it again, too, my friend. ❤️ That picture captures everything I’ve been longing for so perfectly. 🌹

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  2. It isn’t just a bottom, not just needing a spanking. Everybody needs to let down sometimes. Recently I got a touch of the flu, and wallowed around letting everyone pamper me. Now my cousin’s son is in the hospital, and we are all holding her up, yet she’s as strong and take charge as anybody in life. We all do it, at times and in ways. We all need it.

    Spanking a bottom is just one more, not unique in that aspect.

    We all need to be loved and cared for, and sometimes pampered. We’re not weak for it.

    I loved the cartoon and sent it to my daughter, who is exactly that way too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A very insightful posting Erica, I never resolved that conflict between the tough independent exterior that i project out and the inner feeling that I’m on the verge of collapse

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  4. Mark — true. I use spanking as an example because that’s what some of us need rather than the usual TLC and it’s different. It still boggles my mind that I can associate the delivering of physical pain with a deliverance of my emotions, with caring and compassion. It’s one of those things that people either completely get, or they think you’re a sicko. (sigh)

    Rose — I don’t know if we ever completely do. I know I’ve done so more than I used to, certainly. But it’s still challenging.

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    • I’ve thought about that a lot too. The closest I can come is to think of it as a mental and emotional hard reset, not unlike pulling the plug on an electronic device. Some people can get some of that effect from hard exercise, good sex, or escape to a complete change of scene, and when it works it seems to work better than those do. I don’t know if that explanation fits how you feel, but it seems to fit what I’ve experienced.

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      • Mark — It’s a lot to do with endorphins, I guess. I get a similar release from a good workout. I’m calmer, my brain isn’t churning, etc. BUT… it’s not emotionally satisfying.

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  5. I can relate to this from the other end, in the sense that I could not be engaged in such a relationship if it were not a really strong, independent woman. Not only would anything else not feel OK; in addition, it would not nearly as stimulating as dominating a strong woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Heidi M on said:

    wow, thats a very powerful image of you Erica, it combines submissiveness and femininity but also at the same time projects a strong and unbroken lady, so thanks for the inspiration.

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  7. Erica,

    This is a great topic. I too wrestle with this dual nature. My approach has been to try to partition these parts of my life one from another. In the bedroom, vulnerable me is free to emerge and play. Outside in the world, capable me runs the show. I don’t know how well this division would work for anyone else, but it’s my preferred answer.

    I too love the picture and hope you find the right strong, caring partner very soon! Thank you for sharing your many insights with us. Love your posts, tweets, and cat curiosities.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bonnie – my only outlets at the moment are twitter and email. I haven’t had the ability to let go within a separate partition for a long while now (basically since I stepped away from blogging). So, instead, I’m left trying to deny and push down those feelings, desires, and needs – those things about me that I should be able to accept as part of me. Giving in and accepting that I need these things means I have to also accept that I’m not getting them, which is more heartache than I can take right now. 💔 What makes it even harder…is capable me has been in overdrive for far too long.

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  8. Bonnie — Ha! It took me a second… “Cat curiosities?” And then, “Oh yeah, Curious Cat!” How about some of those questions, huh? You should see the ones I delete! Thank you, my friend.

    Jay — nothing I can say here that I haven’t said before, sweetheart. You know my drill. Love you. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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