Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

Bittersweet

It’s Memorial Day. Technically for me, being a freelancer, it’s Monday. I’m working today. But really, what else is there to do anyway? I’m not in any hurry to go to the beach. I never wanted to go to the beach before the damn pandemic.

Today we honor the fallen. And in that vein, an extra moment of silence for the nearly 100,000 people in the U.S., and many more globally, who have died from Covid-19. These are scary, uncertain times. Today, I’m grateful to be well and working, even though I feel like there’s a specter over my head, over John’s, over the heads of everyone I love.

Today is also a day of entirely different memories for me. On Memorial Day 1996, I got my very first adult consensual spanking. That one action changed my life. Lifelong fantasies became a reality that was so much better than I could have imagined. I started a new journey that took me to the most amazing places, to meet so many incredible people and have experiences I didn’t even dream of. All from a tall, handsome gentleman, whose last name I never knew, who came briefly into my life and turned my world upside down and inside out. Wherever you are, Paul, thank you. Again. I hope you found what you needed and wanted.

Today I remind everyone out there who is still ashamed, closeted, embarrassed, feeling like there’s something wrong with them — there isn’t. Societal dictates about relationships, sexual activities and fetishes are highly overrated. As long as you are hurting no one, as long as you are safe, sane, consensual and respectful, your desires are part of who you are. Embrace them, and dare I say, enjoy them. Because life is too fucking short not to.

Today, I can’t help comparing Memorial Day twenty-four years ago, when I brought an almost perfect stranger into my home and engaged in highly physical activity, with today, when I can’t even meet someone for a cup of coffee. Recently, a correspondent wrote, “It seems the days of meeting for coffee are behind us.” Oh my god, I hope he’s wrong. Because that is a truly depressing prospect.

Today, I’m dealing with a whole lot of powerlessness. A lot of feelings. Fear, anger, nervousness, sadness, uncertainty. Yesterday, John wasn’t feeling well, and of course, my mind has gone to all the worst possible places, even though it’s probably just a damn headache and perfectly innocuous. This year’s taxes have been postponed, but they are due soon and I owe a ton of money, because my quarterly taxes were underestimated last year and I ended up making more than my accountant and I thought I would. Trying to stay in the moment — it’s hot outside, but my place is nice and cool, I have plenty to eat, I am feeling okay. I can’t think past this moment in time or I’ll drive myself crazy. I’m not alone in this, I know. So in the midst of the craziness, there is gratitude.

Today, I’m grateful for friends, for people who have stayed the course, who are still with me and haven’t disappeared. I hope I get to see some of you in the future when all this is behind us, whenever that may be. ♥

Please take care of yourselves, and be kind. We are all on edge right now. The slightest gesture from another can pull someone back from the ledge… or push them over it. Which one do you want to do?

If you can, go play. And revel in it 100%. Celebrate your kinky wonderful self. Remember those who have gone, and honor them by living your truest life.

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11 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. Do you know what happened on this day six years ago? On May 25, 2014, you replied to an email from a young woman who was amazed to find out she wasn’t so alone in the world. I had no idea what kind of impact your love and support would have on my life when I sent my first email to you. I am so thankful every day for your gentle, encouraging, and reassuring presence as I make my way on my own journey of exploring TTWD and toward self acceptance. I love you with all my heart, my SIS. ❤️

    Like

  2. Heidi M on said:

    Hi Erica. As someone with a yearning to be a real life spanko but was always too timid to do it, i greatly appreciate your encouragement to folks like me to take the plunge. Thanks. Were you especially nervous before your first encounter with Paul?

    Like

  3. Anonymous on said:

    Happy anniversary to you and to Jay too.

    Things here in Florida are looking up but not out of the woods yet.

    As you advised, I embraced the suck and found a better day waiting.

    Not quite the day I wanted but better for sure.

    Anon E. Mouse

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Erica,
    Just stopping by to let you know that I do read your posts and even though I am a blogger myself, I don’t always comment recently due to my own life circumstances. Your words often make me think and sometimes make me laugh and always glad when you’re doing well no matter what life is throwing your way. Hang in there. I’m rooting for you. Hugs, Windy

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    • Windy — you’re very sweet, thank you. I know everyone’s lives have been turned upside down lately. And now we have the George Floyd murder and all its dire repercussions thrown into the mix. Sometimes I wonder if life as we knew it is permanently over. (sigh) But I will try to hang in there. You do the same, please.

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  5. “…your desires are part of who you are.”

    Those eight words encapsulate everything I’ve been trying to say for the past twenty years! Thank you for expressing this essential message so succinctly. I can’t further amplify it. These words stand on their own.

    Thanks and love you!

    Like

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