Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

PSA for Tops: We Want Your Hands!

Yesterday, a Twitter friend posted that her husband (to whom she recently came out as a spanko, and who is now learning the joys of topping) had some post-spanking soreness in the palm of his hand. She was putting this out to all of us Twitter spankos, asking if this was caused by a flaw in technique, and what could he do to avoid this?

First, kudos to her husband for being willing to learn about this stuff and make her happy! Out of curiosity, I read through a lot of the replies she got.

About half the guys who answered gave helpful tips or suggestions. Try cupping the hand more, rather than hitting flat-handed. Don’t let the skin dry out. Warm up gradually. And of course, the more you do it, the more your hand toughens up. One man said when he first started, he had bruises and blisters on his hand, but he kept going, slowly building up a tolerance until that no longer happened.

And the other half essentially said to use implements instead. One gentleman said that he will only use his hand for a light good-girl spanking. “The bottom should hurt, not my hand.”

Hmmm. Readers, guess which guys Yours Truly would choose to play with?

Before I get too far into this: for the intents and purposes of this post, I’m going to speak in the M/F orientation, just to keep things simple. That does not mean I’m disregarding other orientations. Anything I suggest in this post should probably be adjusted for female tops. Anatomically, generally speaking, a man’s hand is larger and stronger than a woman’s. (Don’t yell at me that I’m a sexist; I did say generally speaking!) However, for the purpose of being the best possible top, the same advice goes for any gender — toughen your hand.

So I bet there are some of you thinking this is going to be a snarky post, giving tops the business for complaining about how their hands hurt. Break out the world’s smallest violin! Boo-hoo, no pity for you, our butts hurt worse than your hands! Suck it up! Etc. Yeah… that could give some of my fellow bottoms a giggle, but overall, it’s not at all helpful. So this is more of a plea; I am requesting that you guys endeavor to toughen up your hands so that you can deliver a topnotch hand spanking. No top should have to fall back on implements simply because hand spankings make them uncomfortable. This is fixable.

Why is it so important? Well, for one thing — for spankos, hand spanking is golden. I don’t know any bottom who doesn’t love a good hand spanking. Opinions vary about various implements and toys, but I’d be willing to bet that no bottom would say they don’t like the hand. In fact, I’d say many would claim it to be their favorite. Why? It’s the most intimate, for one. There is nothing like the feeling of skin on skin, not to mention the inimitable cracking sound of a palm on a backside. We love the feel of your hand in all its forms — chastising or caressing. The dichotomy of pain and pleasure is all right there, at the end of your arm. You can feel your bottom’s skin for heat, for dryness. You can gauge your strength so much more clearly.

For another thing, as mentioned, not everyone likes implements. Some bottoms are scared of certain ones, like the cane. Newbies to the scene can be intimidated by them. Yeah, I hear some of you out there — “It’s a punishment! They’re not supposed to like it!” Come on. There’s a big difference between loving to hate something (and vice versa), and being just plain terrified and miserable because they really can’t stand what you’re using. If we’re talking a consensual relationship where the bottom has the power to set limits, then yes, it’s a concern if they don’t like certain implements. But would any of them say no to your hand? I think not.

With many implements (particularly those that can wrap), there is a learning curve with them. You can’t just pick up a cane or a heavy paddle or a flogger and start whaling away with it. You have to learn how to use it, how to aim it properly, etc. Implements in the right hands can be sublime and deliciously, painfully effective. In the wrong hands, they can be a damaging disaster.

And finally, unless you’re at a party, or you have a collection of spanking toys, implements are not always readily available. But your hand is.

Most of you know me, but for those who don’t — I am not anti-implements. Far from it. I have felt most of them. I adore some of them. A few are hard limits. But overall, I fully approve of them, and I own several myself. However, my first love is a good, thorough hand spanking. And some of the best tops I’ve known have been ones with hands so seasoned and powerful, they could make me say mercy with their hand alone.

So what are some useful hints for building up hand tolerance? I don’t have personal experience with this as I’m not a top, but these are things I’ve heard over the years.

This sounds ridiculous, but I know tops who have done this and it worked. Get yourself a brick, or a block of something equally resilient. Sit yourself down in front of your favorite binge-streaming show, and slap the brick. Over and over, as hard as you can tolerate. Take a break, and then do it some more. When your hand gets tired, stop. Then do it again tomorrow. Over time, this toughens your hand.

Lift weights? Try going without weight-lifting gloves for a while. Your hands will build calluses. Hell, I lift wimpy girl weights and even my palms have little calluses.

When spanking, warm up slowly/gradually rather than going full strength right out of the gate. This benefits both your hand and your partner’s bottom. (If you’re reading this right now and you’re thinking, “Warm-ups are for sissies” or “I don’t do warm-ups, it’s supposed to be punitive,” you may want to stop reading right here, because this post clearly isn’t for you.)

A lot of newer tops hit the bottom flat-handed, which not only feels lousy to the hand, but it thuds instead of smacks, which sucks. Try cupping your hand to the bottom; run your hand over the cheeks, get the feel for the roundness, and shape your hand to it.

Have lotion available and keep your hand moisturized. If the skin gets too dry, it’s a prime setup for it to break open. And no, guys — using lotion is not “girly.” (Think I’m kidding? I’ve actually heard this.)

If your hand feels tender/sore afterward, ice can be helpful; it reduces inflammation.

And above all — Please. Don’t. Stop. Keep practicing. Keep persevering. Your hand strength will build up. But you have to give it a chance. And you have to really want to give your partner what they crave… a long, thorough, delicious, intimate, hurts-so-good hand spanking.

If anyone has suggestions I didn’t mention (other than “shut up, Erica, we’ll top how we please,” of course) please chime in with a comment.

I’m reminded of a party story from a couple of years ago; I know I mentioned it in one of my party reports, but it bears repeating. It was a Sunday night, the final blow-out, and I was doing a late-night scene with one of my favorite tops/friends. Afterward, because it was the end of the weekend and I was tired and feeling emotional, I started to cry, so he held me for a long time. Then he whispered, “Wanna see something?” “Okay,” I said. He then held up his right hand. Holy cow. There was no broken skin… but his entire hand was mottled-looking, speckled with small bruises and red dots, all over the palm, up and down the fingers. It looked excruciating. He then quipped, “For once, I can say this and really mean it: This hurt me more than it hurt you.”

And of course, I started giggling madly through my tears. Now there’s a trouper. (And yes, that’s the correct spelling in this context, not trooper.) There’s a dedicated spanker.

So please, all you toppy types out there who want to give the best spanking possible. If you love us — toughen your hands. ♥

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21 thoughts on “PSA for Tops: We Want Your Hands!

  1. A top could take up gardening without gloves. I very, very seldom top but when I have handed out a hand spanking I have found that the years exposing my hands to soil have made them very resilient.

    Prefectdt

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “(Don’t yell at me that I’m a sexist; I did say generally speaking!) ”

    That made me giggle. As much as some people want to reshape the precise use of words to fit whatever narrative they believe should exist, women are still women and men are still men. And guess what … we’re different from each other!

    Love your stuff Erica. Makes me smile when I see an alert about a new post from you in my inbox. Keep doing this wonderful thing that you do – sharing it with the rest of us.

    Have a great day!

    Like

  3. There are simply so many variations in people and preferences that no single post could do it justice, so I certainly don’t fault you for your opinions, However, the idea that everyone likes the skin-to-skin feel of a hand spanking just isn’t true for me. Even when I first started at 19 a hand spanking was completely ineffective. And I mean COMPLETELY. Years later when I told one particular Top this fact, she took it as a challenge and pridefully warned me that I had never gotten a hand spanking from HER before and proceeded to do her best to have me surrender to her expertise. LOL I could have been reading a book and felt more. She surrendered instead, got a paddle and roasted me as revenge. LOL

    I have also done hand spanking from a Top’s perspective and as a guy never had that issue with a female…….except one……who was just as resilient as any of the toughest guys out there. Not only did she feel nothing unless it was practically full force with an implement, but she healed as quickly as Wolverine! ( which I teasingly nicknamed her) I felt like I could watch her colors and marks fade right as I looked at her!

    Also I am not young anymore and my hands are pained with arthritis. Hand spanking hurts. No conditioning will improve that…..only aggravate it more. One Top I play with besides my Rosa has it too and she is adamant about using paddles to preserve herself.

    Otherwise in younger or healthier folks and particularly with M/f scenarios, I think your advice is spot on.

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  4. Prefectdt — works for me! Thanks.

    Jay — haha, glad you enjoyed.

    KD — points taken. Of course, conditions such as arthritis preclude excessive hand use. My opinions are just that — opinions, gathered from personal experience. Your mileage may vary. That’s part of what makes this scene so baffling, confusing, at times frustrating, and yet so damn delightful and rich.

    Like

    • Agreed. The variations are invigorating. Certainly not faulting your opinions. Everything is a product of experience ……yours, mine, and a slew of others. You are genuine and that is the best anyone can ask, the rest is a matter of experiencing more and keeping an open mind.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Anonymous on said:

    Agreed that skin on skin has wonderful benefits. Also agreed that arthritis is a limiting factor.

    I’d say play on and learn what works for you and your partner. Communication is always a key and can lead to some pretty humorous moments as wellas improved play.

    Anon E. Mouse

    Like

    • Mouse — absolutely, everyone has to do their own thing. My message was meant to be general: Please don’t automatically take the easy way and fall back on harsh implements for thorough play, when you have the very best, and most intimate, potential implement on you at all times.

      Like

  6. Always enjoy reading your thoughts. Many tops will need to get their hands back in shape after this spanking drought!

    Like

  7. I wouldn’t let my hand be the limiting factor. If I got a complaint it wasn’t intense enough, I’d go find one of the Lexan paddles. But, I just think there’s a special intimacy to the touch of the hand on the bottom that no implement can duplicate. So, if the girl wants my hand hard, then I’m more than willing to work up to what she needs.

    Like

  8. I learned a lot here today. Who knew there was so much a top can do to improve hand spankability? Ron is an implement guy, but I just might give him this post to read.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    Like

  9. Anonymous on said:

    I’m looking at this from a male perspective, and my interest in spanking mostly centers around my fascination with the female buttocks. So, I agree with you about the hand. If the spanking is done for erotic pleasure, what can be any better? The spanker can caress and stroke between the swats. She can feel his strength. He can feel her softness.

    I’ve never had a problem with my hand getting sore, but then, I’ve always had jobs that kept my hands fairly callused.

    When viewing photos or videos, I really only like to see M/F spankings, mostly in an OTK position, with the man using his hand. I like to see pretty posteriors get reddened, but not injured.

    For me, there is one exception for my general preference. In some cases, if a “naughty girl” is being “punished”, it’s fun to see a traditional hairbrush being used. Especially if it’s a hairbrush with some sentimental value. maybe it’s one she’s owned for a long time… or better yet, one that was used to “discipline” an older family member a long time ago, and then passed from one generation to the next.

    Like

    • Rich — aaand you just joined Team Erica. (beaming)

      Hermione — all the best things need a bit of effort, I guess! If you like the feeling of his hand, then by all means, let him know that might be something to add to the mix.

      Anonymous — I like how you think. And remember, I did say I’m not anti-implement, so I completely get the classic feel of a hairbrush being used OTK. My personal favorite is a man’s belt; there’s something so intensely erotic and thrilling about the whole ritual of him unbuckling it, pulling it out, snapping it… brrrr.

      Like

  10. Pat Willmott on said:

    I share your liking for chastising & caressing Erica. Have you found, like me, that many Tops are reluctant to give a soothing caress during a spanking session?

    Like

  11. thelongbean on said:

    Well said Erica,

    It is not just bottoms that get sore, I can remember one occasion (at a party) where the Top had to stop because the bottom not only wore out the hand but also the arm used to wield the implements!!!

    Like

  12. As a top, I’d like to offer a few additional tips.

    Try smacking a piece of wood or tree branch against the palm of the hand. Especially something with smooth bark like birch. It feels more natural and smooth than a brick or rock. I sometimes joke with partners that I’m going to go practise on a tree before I see them next.
    Switch hands mid-scene. This is harder to do in OTK scenes, but if your partner is on a spanking bench, bed, or bent over a table, then it’s pretty easy to switch sides. I used to spank exclusively right-handed, but it was messing up my wrist. So I started alternating sides. It took a few sessions to get used to spanking left-handed and getting the aim/consistency right, but swapping sides has been great.

    As an extra bonus, being able to wield implements left-handed makes it easier for me to co-top in group scenes. Most of my friends are “righties” and always want to position on the same side of a bottom. My “switch hitter” skills allow me to play easier in these two-on-one scenes.

    Wear gloves. A thin leather glove will ease the impact on the hand while maintaining most of the intimate connection of a hand spanking. Plus some bottoms love the feel of leather running over their skin.

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  13. Bean — Humph. I guess that’s where being ambidextrous would come in handy?

    Ben — thank you for the tips. I agree, switching hands while OTK is awkward, but over benches, beds, etc., it’s doable. I had a top once who used to switch hands during OTK… by lifting me up bodily, spinning me around, and plunking me back down facing the other way. Now that was impressive.
    Also… do check in with the bottom about the gloves. Some bottoms (raising hand) don’t like the feel of a gloved hand smacking them. The covering muffles the smack and makes more of a thud, which some like, but others don’t.

    Like

  14. Thank you very much, Erica, for the encouragement and advice. I’m sure there will be at least two beneficiaries.

    Like

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