PSA for Tops: We Want Your Hands!
Yesterday, a Twitter friend posted that her husband (to whom she recently came out as a spanko, and who is now learning the joys of topping) had some post-spanking soreness in the palm of his hand. She was putting this out to all of us Twitter spankos, asking if this was caused by a flaw in technique, and what could he do to avoid this?
First, kudos to her husband for being willing to learn about this stuff and make her happy! Out of curiosity, I read through a lot of the replies she got.
About half the guys who answered gave helpful tips or suggestions. Try cupping the hand more, rather than hitting flat-handed. Don’t let the skin dry out. Warm up gradually. And of course, the more you do it, the more your hand toughens up. One man said when he first started, he had bruises and blisters on his hand, but he kept going, slowly building up a tolerance until that no longer happened.
And the other half essentially said to use implements instead. One gentleman said that he will only use his hand for a light good-girl spanking. “The bottom should hurt, not my hand.”
Hmmm. Readers, guess which guys Yours Truly would choose to play with?
Before I get too far into this: for the intents and purposes of this post, I’m going to speak in the M/F orientation, just to keep things simple. That does not mean I’m disregarding other orientations. Anything I suggest in this post should probably be adjusted for female tops. Anatomically, generally speaking, a man’s hand is larger and stronger than a woman’s. (Don’t yell at me that I’m a sexist; I did say generally speaking!) However, for the purpose of being the best possible top, the same advice goes for any gender — toughen your hand.
So I bet there are some of you thinking this is going to be a snarky post, giving tops the business for complaining about how their hands hurt. Break out the world’s smallest violin! Boo-hoo, no pity for you, our butts hurt worse than your hands! Suck it up! Etc. Yeah… that could give some of my fellow bottoms a giggle, but overall, it’s not at all helpful. So this is more of a plea; I am requesting that you guys endeavor to toughen up your hands so that you can deliver a topnotch hand spanking. No top should have to fall back on implements simply because hand spankings make them uncomfortable. This is fixable.
Why is it so important? Well, for one thing — for spankos, hand spanking is golden. I don’t know any bottom who doesn’t love a good hand spanking. Opinions vary about various implements and toys, but I’d be willing to bet that no bottom would say they don’t like the hand. In fact, I’d say many would claim it to be their favorite. Why? It’s the most intimate, for one. There is nothing like the feeling of skin on skin, not to mention the inimitable cracking sound of a palm on a backside. We love the feel of your hand in all its forms — chastising or caressing. The dichotomy of pain and pleasure is all right there, at the end of your arm. You can feel your bottom’s skin for heat, for dryness. You can gauge your strength so much more clearly.
For another thing, as mentioned, not everyone likes implements. Some bottoms are scared of certain ones, like the cane. Newbies to the scene can be intimidated by them. Yeah, I hear some of you out there — “It’s a punishment! They’re not supposed to like it!” Come on. There’s a big difference between loving to hate something (and vice versa), and being just plain terrified and miserable because they really can’t stand what you’re using. If we’re talking a consensual relationship where the bottom has the power to set limits, then yes, it’s a concern if they don’t like certain implements. But would any of them say no to your hand? I think not.
With many implements (particularly those that can wrap), there is a learning curve with them. You can’t just pick up a cane or a heavy paddle or a flogger and start whaling away with it. You have to learn how to use it, how to aim it properly, etc. Implements in the right hands can be sublime and deliciously, painfully effective. In the wrong hands, they can be a damaging disaster.
And finally, unless you’re at a party, or you have a collection of spanking toys, implements are not always readily available. But your hand is.
Most of you know me, but for those who don’t — I am not anti-implements. Far from it. I have felt most of them. I adore some of them. A few are hard limits. But overall, I fully approve of them, and I own several myself. However, my first love is a good, thorough hand spanking. And some of the best tops I’ve known have been ones with hands so seasoned and powerful, they could make me say mercy with their hand alone.
So what are some useful hints for building up hand tolerance? I don’t have personal experience with this as I’m not a top, but these are things I’ve heard over the years.
This sounds ridiculous, but I know tops who have done this and it worked. Get yourself a brick, or a block of something equally resilient. Sit yourself down in front of your favorite binge-streaming show, and slap the brick. Over and over, as hard as you can tolerate. Take a break, and then do it some more. When your hand gets tired, stop. Then do it again tomorrow. Over time, this toughens your hand.
Lift weights? Try going without weight-lifting gloves for a while. Your hands will build calluses. Hell, I lift wimpy girl weights and even my palms have little calluses.
When spanking, warm up slowly/gradually rather than going full strength right out of the gate. This benefits both your hand and your partner’s bottom. (If you’re reading this right now and you’re thinking, “Warm-ups are for sissies” or “I don’t do warm-ups, it’s supposed to be punitive,” you may want to stop reading right here, because this post clearly isn’t for you.)
A lot of newer tops hit the bottom flat-handed, which not only feels lousy to the hand, but it thuds instead of smacks, which sucks. Try cupping your hand to the bottom; run your hand over the cheeks, get the feel for the roundness, and shape your hand to it.
Have lotion available and keep your hand moisturized. If the skin gets too dry, it’s a prime setup for it to break open. And no, guys — using lotion is not “girly.” (Think I’m kidding? I’ve actually heard this.)
If your hand feels tender/sore afterward, ice can be helpful; it reduces inflammation.
And above all — Please. Don’t. Stop. Keep practicing. Keep persevering. Your hand strength will build up. But you have to give it a chance. And you have to really want to give your partner what they crave… a long, thorough, delicious, intimate, hurts-so-good hand spanking.
If anyone has suggestions I didn’t mention (other than “shut up, Erica, we’ll top how we please,” of course) please chime in with a comment.
I’m reminded of a party story from a couple of years ago; I know I mentioned it in one of my party reports, but it bears repeating. It was a Sunday night, the final blow-out, and I was doing a late-night scene with one of my favorite tops/friends. Afterward, because it was the end of the weekend and I was tired and feeling emotional, I started to cry, so he held me for a long time. Then he whispered, “Wanna see something?” “Okay,” I said. He then held up his right hand. Holy cow. There was no broken skin… but his entire hand was mottled-looking, speckled with small bruises and red dots, all over the palm, up and down the fingers. It looked excruciating. He then quipped, “For once, I can say this and really mean it: This hurt me more than it hurt you.”
And of course, I started giggling madly through my tears. Now there’s a trouper. (And yes, that’s the correct spelling in this context, not trooper.) There’s a dedicated spanker.
So please, all you toppy types out there who want to give the best spanking possible. If you love us — toughen your hands. ♥