Erica Scott: Life, Love and Spanking

Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh–, um, hog.

“Gee, sweetie, you shouldn’t have…”

How was everyone’s Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever? As most of you know, I’m not into the holidays at all and neither is John (and especially not in the train wreck known as 2020), so we playfully celebrate “Festivus” — the Seinfeld-invented holiday. We started with a steel pole a few years ago (the Festivus pole), but each year we keep embellishing it. I wrapped it with festive paper, and John provided what came to be known as the “Festi-duck,” complete in his gold tinsel nest with his Mardi Gras beads.

John attached the pole to two pieces of wood at the bottom so it would stay erect. Last year, he added a tree skirt he found being discarded. Oh, and pine cones. It’s goofy fun.

This year, we didn’t make a big deal out of gifts. He wanted some new sheets, so I ordered a really nice set for him online. As he does every year, he went to a local gourmet shop where they have all kinds of unusual foods, and bought a bag filled with an assortment of treats. He also gave me a gift card and a Patagonia tote bag I can use for my groceries.

Doesn’t our pole look cheery with all the odds and ends and packages?

Here we are, with the Festi-duck appearing to rise out of John’s head. Not the best picture quality. I swear, I’ve worn makeup twice in nine months.

When I delved into the large treat bag, I was thrilled to discover gourmet hot cocoa, cookies, chocolates, English toffee.

And then there was this. Like I said, gee, honey…

I laughed so hard I had a stomachache. Who comes up with stuff like this?? And what flavor are white jelly beans? Not that I’m going to eat them anyway… Leave it to John to find these! And if I’m so damned naughty, when am I going to get a spanking already? (grumble)

I got some other really nice things too, from various friends. Considering the dire circumstances surrounding us all right now, it was nice to be able to forget it all for a little while and share some gifts. I wish I could actually see my friends, but I guess that’s not going to happen for a while yet.

Oh, and for those who follow Seinfeld and are familiar with Festivus traditions, we decided to dispense with the airing of grievances and feats of strength this year. For one thing, the whole freaking year has been one long grievance. And for another, simply surviving 2020 (not to mention four years of Agolf Twitler) was not only a feat of strength, it was fucking Herculean.

I hope everyone stayed safe and well, and were able to enjoy some special moments. ♥

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15 thoughts on ““Gee, sweetie, you shouldn’t have…”

  1. I love how you guys have made the Festivus pole your own and are having fun with it! I’m glad you were able to enjoy the weekend together and had fun opening gifts. I definitely shared some special moments with you across the miles. I love you, SIS! 💞🥰

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  2. Just a few more days left in 2020… so that alone is worth celebrating! Glad you had some silly cozy fun on your own terms.

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  3. Jay — I love you too, SIS! Your gifts were so very thoughtful, as they always are. ♥

    Xen — I tend to do a lot of things on my own terms, I guess. Normal is overrated.

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  4. It was not the Christmas that I wanted but I managed to make the best of a bad situation. Loved the Snow Man Poop. Glad that you and John could get together for your celebration.

    Prefectdt

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  5. Hi Erica,

    Happy New Year and it’s about damn time!

    Virtual hugs,
    Bonnie

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  6. I like your pole, Erica! (That sounds kind of naughty.) I got a different kind of pole for Christmas…. a fishing pole. You and John look cute on Christmas. So glad it was nice for you. Oh, by the way, I’ve recently discovered that you look like a young Nora Ephron. I don’t know what her politics were, so I don’t mean to insult you if she was a Republican. LOL Hope it’s a brand spanking new year for all ! Hugs, Windy

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    • Windy — thank you so much! Not to worry, Nora Ephron was very much a Democrat. She once wrote an article for Huffpost called “It’s Hard to be a Democrat.” I love the first sentence of it: “It’s hard to be a Democrat, don’t you think? There’s no alternative, of course, but it’s hard.” She was brilliant. Shame we had to lose her to leukemia.

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  7. Anonymous on said:

    I love the Festivus Pole! I laughed so hard, I cried when I saw the picture of John and the Festi-duck.
    I hope 2021 will treat you and John well.

    Liza

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  8. Love the Festive duck.

    Happy New to you both. Let hope 2021 is a better year for all of us.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  9. DaleNNJ256 on said:

    You guys are so cute!
    I was wondering about the feats of strength and grievance-airing, but you articulated the feeling of at least half of this country perfectly!

    Hang in there just a little bit longer… this all won’t last forever – and the recovery begins on Jan. 20 when the adults assume leadership…

    Wish I could help you with the naughtiness, but I live vicariously through John… lol

    Happy Festivus and here’s to a Happy New Year!

    Hug

    DaleN

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    • Dale — good to see you! Thanks for the kind words. I have a feeling we’re going to be stuck at home for a while yet, and it’s frustrating, but I have to hope that better times are ahead. They have to be! Happy New Year to you.

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