Correspondence Hall of Shame, Thanksgiving Edition

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, so here’s a bunch of leftover turkeys for you. And I’m damn thankful I don’t know any of them.

mmmm hello gorgeous, curious would u allow a man to watch u poop

Mmmmm would u please scat.

Here’s one of my favorite types who turn up now and then — the tops who think I’m a little snot who needs to be broken. Clearly, if you’re not a mewling doormat, you’re an annoyance.

I think I could have fun (at your expense, of course). I checked out one of your videos. I’d love to spank you and your attitude.

Oh hi, [notoriously sadistic scene asshole], is that you?

what a SWEET ,,,SWEET ,,,SEXY ,SEXY ,,ASS in those purple panties ,,,,oh my god ,,,,and i see your ass is red too ,,,mmmmmmmmmmmm

Dude, stop jacking off over your keyboard. Your comma is sticky.

I recently asked a question on Alt regarding men who contact me then disappear. I then received this:

In answer to your status, in regards to why men play games in this site. 1. They are simps, pusies! The generation of wimps is terrible. Take it from an old school Mann vet those player punks and seek a real man
2. They are frauds, fakes with nefarious agendas
3. Time wasting little boys who don’t know how to actually be aman let alone a dominate one.
My 2 ¢ worth

Anyone who paid two cents for this was overcharged. Sheesh. What a pusie mann. Riddle me this: How the hell did this moron know how to spell nefarious??

Good afternoon my sexy vixen I would love so much to taste that beautiful ass of yours fuck your shoes at the same time what size shoe do you wear

Uh… my shoes would be way too big for you, honey. May I suggest you get a pair of doll shoes.

And finally — oh, this one’s a charmer. On Alt, because they insist you state an age, I list mine as a lot older. I then say I’m not really that age and if they want to know, they can meet me, have a look and judge for themselves. Of course, there’s always the ones who don’t bother reading the profile, just look at the picture and the age. Hence this:

if that was a 87 year old ass this old boy Sir Xxxxx would drag his balls over broken glass just to smell where u pissed

I would rather be force-fed green bean casserole until 2022 than endure another moment of that imagery in my head. Perhaps sharing it with all of you will rid me of it. You’re welcome.

Hope everyone who celebrates it had a happy turkey day. Have a good weekend, y’all. Be safe. ♥

Love Our Lifestyle day!

Welcome to the 16th annual LOL Day. LOL used to stand for “Love Our Lurkers,” but this year, Hermione, who has organized this event for us many times, decided to change the title and focus, and I heartily approve. Thank you, Hermione! This is our time to celebrate who we are, what we love, and acknowledge one another.

We are spankos. This is part of who we are, and it’s a part that deserves joy and exuberance, not shame. For those out there who still wrestle with the “why am I like this” questions, the guilt, the denial — I hope you all can come to a place where you not only accept your proclivities, but embrace them. Life is too damn short. Be who you are, freely. You are hurting no one. Spanking is fun. It’s playful. It’s cathartic. It’s whatever you need it to be. As long as it’s consensual and doesn’t involve children, it should be free of judgment.

The spanking community is a microcosm of society in general; there are all kinds of people, and you won’t like everyone, nor will they like you. You will no doubt encounter haters, wankers and trolls (oh my), and the more passionate you are about your particular convictions, the more vociferous those people will be in their efforts to shut you down. That’s just the way it is where humans are concerned. However… you’ll also meet some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Soul mates, kindred spirits, sisters and brothers. You’ll receive validation the likes of which you’ve probably never known.

You will realize that you’re not alone. Far from it.

And on the note of community, I would like to take a moment to give a big “thank you” to Bonnie, who helped me (and countless others) as a new blogger, offering support, tips, and a wealth of information over the years. Bonnie has been and continues to be someone who has connected and encouraged many of us. I offer this little tribute, to the tune of “My Bonnie”:

Our Bonnie lies over a table,
Our Bonnie lies over a knee,
Our Bonnie is queen of our blogdom,
Oh Randy, hug Bonnie for meeeee!

(I suppose some would say that lyric should be “spank Bonnie,” but personally, I’d rather hug her!)

Happy LOL Day, everyone. ♥

A Little More on that Damned “Age Thing”

Last week, I wrote about life changes (and resulting insecurities). The always thought-provoking KD Pierre said my post triggered his own thoughts, and he wrote this post, clearly indicating that it was not meant to compare or contrast, merely that my post set off his own thoughts. Well, of course, I read his post and now I feel like I want to bounce back off him with some further thoughts on this subject.

KD talked about friends who want to go back, who want to relive their pasts, their “glory days.” He mentioned Gloria Swanson in her classic “Sunset Boulevard” role, the fading movie star who dwells in her past and goes mad doing so. Here’s the deal with me: I don’t want to relive my youth. My youth sucked! A lot of you who have been with me for a long time know this. I went from a chubby, awkward child who was afraid of everything to a confused teenager who went from overweight to anorexic to a depressed but high-functioning adult with anger issues and eating disorders. Exactly what part of that would I want to revisit? Blech. As I mentioned in my book, decades of my life were spent existing. It was only when I finally got on the right meds that I began to live.

And y’all know what happened then. Erica Scott broke out of the closet and there was no stopping her. But I had a lot of ground to catch up on. A lot of lost time to make up for. And I wanted to experience everything.

In reading KD’s post, this statement jumped out at me:

Another positive I have in my life that I recommend to others is to have younger people around you as much as possible. 

Interesting, I thought. Through most of my adult life, I have been drawn to people younger than I am. I’m not sure why, and I don’t think it matters. But of course, since some people really suck, this has been criticized. I remember someone sneering to me somewhere on FetLife or someplace like that, regarding my friendships with some of the younger spanking models, that my “envy of younger women was palpable.” Yeah, yeah. Do I want to be in my 20s again? Christ, no. Okay, I’d take 40s. But that’s beside the point. I’m also, for the most part, attracted to younger men. I play often with younger men. I’ve taken heat for this too.

Following are a few random past pictures of me with friends. In the first one, I’m buried in the pillow fight pile at a party. The second one is Alex Reynolds’ bridal shower. And the third one is me with the incomparable Sierra Salem at her birthday party. Yes, we are lying on the pavement.

What do all these pictures have in common? Every single other woman in them could be my kid. I’m not sure why they all wanted to hang out with me, but I’m glad they did.

Here is a possible explanation, not that I owe anyone one. You have to keep in mind that, regarding people my own age, I actually have very little in common with them, aside from an aging body. The larger percentage of people in my age group are married, or have been (often more than once). A lot of them have grown kids, and even grandkids. They have houses and mortgages (with all the accompanying taxes, repairs, and other grownup headaches). They’ve traveled the world (or at least part of it). And then there’s me. Never married, never lived with anyone, never had kids. Have lived in an apartment my entire adult life. And aside from Mexico, I’ve never left the United States. I don’t even own a passport. I just can’t relate to the life experiences of most of my peers. And let’s face it — with my unusual experiences, a lot of them can’t relate to me, either.

However, there is one major drawback to having young friends. They don’t get my references. They don’t know the music I knew, the TV shows I watched, the world events I lived through. My cultural literacy memories are not theirs. I recall years ago, being in an airport gift shop, traveling with a 20-something co-star for videos back East. There was a t-shirt with the Marx Brothers on it, and she asked me who they were. I said, “You’ve never heard of Groucho Marx?” She thought for a moment and then answered, “I’ve heard of Karl Marx…?” Oy vey. This kind of thing makes me feel ancient. Compare it to just recently, when I mentioned to a new friend (who is a mere five years younger) that I like the Marx Brothers, and he not only knew who they were, he started quoting their movies and calling me “Spanko, the unknown Marx Sister.” It’s comforting to have someone speak your language.

Recently on Twitter, someone tweeted, “Can you imagine being alive during the time The Beatles were writing and recording music??” Uh… He sounded so incredulous, I couldn’t help but comment, “Yeahhh… a lot of us are still around. It’s not like we were there for Beethoven composing his nine symphonies.” (sigh)

There are exceptions, of course. When I was 50 years old, I was approached by a man of 21 who wanted to play with me. I balked. I said I was too old for him and I’d feel ridiculous. He said, “You’re not too old — I’m an old soul.” We met, I was impressed by his poise, and yup, we played several times. I remember the first time he was at my place and I had an oldies station playing in the background. I was shocked when a song from the 1960s came on and he started singing along with it. “How the hell do you know this song?” I blurted. He really was an old soul. I still know him, and I still play with him when I see him at a party.

So, in short, generally speaking, I don’t comprehend the life references of many people my age. And younger people don’t comprehend mine. Is it any wonder that I refer to myself as a square peg in a round world? And question just where the hell I belong now?

As I mentioned on KD’s post, I don’t want to go back to the flower of my youth. It had way too goddamn many weeds in it. But, as many of you know, I’m also terrified of aging. Watching one’s mother rot for seven years from dementia will do that to a person. It’s terrifying to witness. If you’re lucky enough to remain healthy, have some money in the bank, have loved ones to be with, getting older doesn’t have to be a train wreck. But for many, it is, and there’s no sugar-coating that. That’s why I hate age jokes. My former top used to think it was so hilarious to say, “We’re gonna still be playing in our 80s! I’ll be pulling down your Depends!” I always responded with a disgusted, “Don’t say stuff like that,” and then he’d compound it by laughing and adding, “Don’t worry, I’d wipe your ass for you!” And I’d want to punch him in the nose. Not funny, jackass. Incontinence isn’t funny, and neither are diapers. And they sure AF aren’t sexy either — not when you have to wear them, because your body and mind have stripped you of your independence and your dignity.

What would be my ideal? If I had my druthers, I’d hang around indefinitely in the middle. Old enough to have gained wisdom and experience, to have outgrown a lot of the insecurities and doubts of youth (although we never fully outgrow some of them). But not so old that I don’t recognize my own body and face anymore. I really, really hate looking down at my arms and thinking, “When the fuck did I get my mother’s arms???” No, I don’t want my teenage skin anymore. But I could do without some of the weird shit I see going on with my skin these days.

And of course, to swing this back onto topic a little, there is always the niggling fear that we’re too old to spank. That no one wants to look at our butts or anything else anymore. I mean, I heard from a lovely woman on FetLife who just friended me, who lives in another country. She wrote that she would love to come to a U.S. party someday, but time is running out and she’s afraid she’s too old. She’s 52. (heavy sigh) So yeah. The fear is real. And it gets a little worse every year.

But of course, the clock continues to tick, and life stages continue to morph and change. I don’t want to go back. But I’m not sure who the hell I am and where I fit in now, going forward. Hence the rambles.

If you slogged through all this, thank you. If you relate, please feel free to chime in. Have a good weekend, y’all. Stay safe. ♥

Somebody that I used to know

Have you seen her? Sometimes I wonder where she went. I look around, look back behind me. Then I realize she’s still here, just not the same as she once was.

Me. At the beginning of this journey. The first picture I ever sent to Eve Howard of Shadow Lane, right before the birth of Erica Scott. Fresh. Excited. Looking forward. So many possibilities.

I have not been posting much lately. Sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I want to. Then I don’t. Because I really don’t have much to say these days that hasn’t already been said a million times.

I had years and years of adventures and stories to share. Milestones. Friendships. Experiences I only dreamed of when I was younger.

I have all my memories. But right now, I am quiet, just pondering them. I have been done shooting for three years. The pandemic put the kibosh on the national parties, and just as they started to return, there was a stream of very ugly admissions from various people that turned the community inside out. Lines were drawn, sides were taken, and a lot of people disappeared. Myself included. I deactivated from FetLife for two months, and only just reactivated yesterday. It’s the same, and yet it isn’t. It used to be a place where I felt like I belonged, where I’d be missed if I were gone. But people come and go all the time now. Attention spans are fleeting. The overall broad scene community seems now to have distilled down into smaller, more local pockets.

I no longer have a regular play partner. I know a couple of men who I am able to see once in a great while for a special treat, but at this time, I do not have a regular source of play. I don’t know of any scene in Los Angeles, any munches. I still try to meet new people, but between the pandemic and just plain getting older (and not to mention being a reclusive introvert), it’s much more of a challenge now.

Times change. I remember years ago, I casually commented on a young woman’s blog because I liked what she wrote. And she went nuts, “SQUEEEEE”-ing and marveling about how “Erica Scott commented on MY blog!!” Recently, I saw another blog post that resonated with me and said so, although I’d never commented on this person’s blog before. The blog owner was unfamiliar with me and commented to that effect. Not meanly, just matter-of-factly. I wanted to reply back, “I used to be somebody.” But I didn’t.

No, this isn’t another one of those “I’m closing this blog” announcements. I did that a few years ago, and a year later, I decided I still had a lot to say and restarted it. And what do I detest, kids? People who make a big thing about leaving, and then don’t leave. Sooo… I am not doing that again. Perhaps this is just to say that my posts will be few and far between. When I feel like I have something to contribute, I will do so. If I ever go to parties again, I’ll write them up. Of course, there will always be the CHoS, because some things never change. People will always write rude, inappropriate things to strangers. Oh, and of course, there will no doubt be a 2021 Christmas carol parody. Just waiting for my creative muse to make her appearance.

I have been called things like “legend” and “icon.” I have also been referred to as a has-been and washed up. I suppose that’s the way it always has been and that won’t change either. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m opinionated, I’m snarky, I’m outspoken. I’m also honest and passionate. Some people hate me. But others love me. And to this day, I’m still getting emails that tell me my encouragement to explore kink without shame enabled people to acknowledge and find what they needed. That means a hell of a lot to me.

So I’m not going anywhere. I’m still here. Just a lot quieter. I don’t need to keep talking. I’ve talked enough. Now is the time to sit back and let the fresh faces and voices have their turn. Allow the Jillian Keenans of the scene to speak their truths. I will chime in when I feel like it would be welcomed or enjoyed.

Oh, there she is. Yes, I know her. ♥ I hope she won’t be forgotten.